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AIBU?

Told I should be dating even though I have a 15m old son?

245 replies

Marmalade85 · 25/03/2017 20:30

Totally prepared to get flamed but I am shocked by the number of mothers with young DCs that jump into relationships almost straight after a break up.

How do you know these men aren't targeting you for being a single mother? How do you know they aren't child abusers? How do you know the relationship will last?

I'm speaking as a single mother with a toddler, I've been single for 7 months and wouldn't dream of a relationship for several years yet I've been told to get back out there. AIBU?

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user1489804018 · 25/03/2017 20:32

My son is 5 months and I've started dating I'm sure a lot of people don't agree with it.
But I believe if you do everything correctly and are careful I can't see the harm.
Go for it if you are ready

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Squirmy65ghyg · 25/03/2017 20:32

A) because he wasn't a weirdo
B) Confused
C) Confused
Confused

Get off your high horse. Date if you want, don't if you don't want to.

HTH.

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FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers · 25/03/2017 20:35

Yabu. You've been single for 7 months, that's no time at all.

It is possible to date and not have the children meet your partner for however long you choose.

You may plan to be single for several years but it doesn't always work like that i bet you're back out dating by summer

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Marmalade85 · 25/03/2017 20:35

User not I don't agree

Squirmy you don't know if someone is a weirdo until it's too late

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Marmalade85 · 25/03/2017 20:37

Fish Absolutely not. The stakes are too high and I wouldn't put my son or myself at risk like that.

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FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers · 25/03/2017 20:38

Grin if you say so.

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Xmasbaby11 · 25/03/2017 20:39

I would be cautious with starting a new relationship with young DC. Actually if DH and I split up (hopefully unlikely) I think I'd want to concentrate on them and getting the rest of my life together for a few years. But that is me - I had long periods of being single before DH.

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RyanStartedTheFire · 25/03/2017 20:39

That is why you don't introduce your child until you've actually got to know them..

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DoIDareDisturbTheUniverse · 25/03/2017 20:40

How are you putting your son at risk by dating, exactly? Not every man is a rapist or murderer and you're not going to be sharing a bed all three of you on the first date, are you?!
I met a lovely man after being single for a year. DS was 2.5 at the time. I wasn't looking for anything, it just happened. Don't be so sanctimonious.

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Marmalade85 · 25/03/2017 20:40

Fish why would a single bloke go out with a woman with a young baby? Because he thinks she is desperate and easy and will be waiting at home while he is out living his life?

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nonameinspiration · 25/03/2017 20:42

Op you sound like you arnt up for dating Just now - no issues here

Also you sound like you are in the super protective tiger mother phase - also no issues here as your hormones are doing their job Grin


Having a bloke isn't a requirement Smile

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contractor6 · 25/03/2017 20:42

Who has time for relationships with a toddler anyway? I barely have time to look presentable for DH never mind effort of a new bloke.

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Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 25/03/2017 20:42

No offence op but your dh wasn't that great either or he wouldn't be an ex!!
And you married him!!

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monkeyfacegrace · 25/03/2017 20:42

I think there's a reason you're single Grin

You sound like fucking hard work.

I was having numerous ONS when DD was 12 months. It was awesome.

Funnily enough, you can be a mum and a person too Wink

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Marmalade85 · 25/03/2017 20:42

Dol because you don't know that these men are abusers until it's too late and the abuse has happened. Who would risk that?

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harderandharder2breathe · 25/03/2017 20:42

YABU for judging other people for doing something just because you don't want to

You do what you want to do and let other people do what they want to do.

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FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers · 25/03/2017 20:42

Why does anyone go out with anyone?

There isn't always an ulterior motive.

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passmethewineplease · 25/03/2017 20:42

YABU. And sound a bit paranoid.

I got with DP when DD was just turning 2, he didn't meet her straight away, but when he did he bought her a little gift and was fantastic with her. We now have two DC of our own.

You sound awfully cynical.

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BitchPeas · 25/03/2017 20:43

Marmalade do you really think so little of men? And yourself?

What if someone actually likes you for who you are? It does happen ....... shock horror Hmm

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user1489804018 · 25/03/2017 20:43

Oh dear Hmm

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HelenaDove · 25/03/2017 20:44

OP Are you the one who created the fb meme i saw today?

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Marmalade85 · 25/03/2017 20:45

Unfortunately my last relationship included domestic abuse and I'm fighting through the family courts to keep my son and myself safe so perhaps that's why I'm cautious.

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Marmalade85 · 25/03/2017 20:45

Helena no. What meme?

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HoundOfTheBasketballs · 25/03/2017 20:46

Because I don't identify myself solely as the mother of my child.
Because I identify myself as an individual with wants and needs that are separate from my role as a parent.
Because I am able to maintain these two parts of my life independently of each other.

HTH

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ThymeLord · 25/03/2017 20:47

Being 'cautious' doesn't give you the right to make thoroughly unpleasant comments about "desperate and easy" single mothers.

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