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Told I should be dating even though I have a 15m old son?

(246 Posts)
Marmalade85 Sat 25-Mar-17 20:30:07

Totally prepared to get flamed but I am shocked by the number of mothers with young DCs that jump into relationships almost straight after a break up.

How do you know these men aren't targeting you for being a single mother? How do you know they aren't child abusers? How do you know the relationship will last?

I'm speaking as a single mother with a toddler, I've been single for 7 months and wouldn't dream of a relationship for several years yet I've been told to get back out there. AIBU?

user1489804018 Sat 25-Mar-17 20:32:29

My son is 5 months and I've started dating I'm sure a lot of people don't agree with it.
But I believe if you do everything correctly and are careful I can't see the harm.
Go for it if you are ready

Squirmy65ghyg Sat 25-Mar-17 20:32:44

A) because he wasn't a weirdo
B) confused
C) confused

Get off your high horse. Date if you want, don't if you don't want to.


FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers Sat 25-Mar-17 20:35:03

Yabu. You've been single for 7 months, that's no time at all.

It is possible to date and not have the children meet your partner for however long you choose.

You may plan to be single for several years but it doesn't always work like that i bet you're back out dating by summer

Marmalade85 Sat 25-Mar-17 20:35:41

User not I don't agree

Squirmy you don't know if someone is a weirdo until it's too late

Marmalade85 Sat 25-Mar-17 20:37:24

Fish Absolutely not. The stakes are too high and I wouldn't put my son or myself at risk like that.

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers Sat 25-Mar-17 20:38:41

grin if you say so.

Xmasbaby11 Sat 25-Mar-17 20:39:21

I would be cautious with starting a new relationship with young DC. Actually if DH and I split up (hopefully unlikely) I think I'd want to concentrate on them and getting the rest of my life together for a few years. But that is me - I had long periods of being single before DH.

RyanStartedTheFire Sat 25-Mar-17 20:39:26

That is why you don't introduce your child until you've actually got to know them..

DoIDareDisturbTheUniverse Sat 25-Mar-17 20:40:05

How are you putting your son at risk by dating, exactly? Not every man is a rapist or murderer and you're not going to be sharing a bed all three of you on the first date, are you?!
I met a lovely man after being single for a year. DS was 2.5 at the time. I wasn't looking for anything, it just happened. Don't be so sanctimonious.

Marmalade85 Sat 25-Mar-17 20:40:24

Fish why would a single bloke go out with a woman with a young baby? Because he thinks she is desperate and easy and will be waiting at home while he is out living his life?

nonameinspiration Sat 25-Mar-17 20:42:00

Op you sound like you arnt up for dating Just now - no issues here

Also you sound like you are in the super protective tiger mother phase - also no issues here as your hormones are doing their job grin

Having a bloke isn't a requirement smile

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sat 25-Mar-17 20:42:10

No offence op but your dh wasn't that great either or he wouldn't be an ex!!
And you married him!!

contractor6 Sat 25-Mar-17 20:42:10

Who has time for relationships with a toddler anyway? I barely have time to look presentable for DH never mind effort of a new bloke.

monkeyfacegrace Sat 25-Mar-17 20:42:21

I think there's a reason you're single grin

You sound like fucking hard work.

I was having numerous ONS when DD was 12 months. It was awesome.

Funnily enough, you can be a mum and a <whisper> person too wink

Marmalade85 Sat 25-Mar-17 20:42:22

Dol because you don't know that these men are abusers until it's too late and the abuse has happened. Who would risk that?

harderandharder2breathe Sat 25-Mar-17 20:42:32

YABU for judging other people for doing something just because you don't want to

You do what you want to do and let other people do what they want to do.

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers Sat 25-Mar-17 20:42:35

Why does anyone go out with anyone?

There isn't always an ulterior motive.

passmethewineplease Sat 25-Mar-17 20:42:45

YABU. And sound a bit paranoid.

I got with DP when DD was just turning 2, he didn't meet her straight away, but when he did he bought her a little gift and was fantastic with her. We now have two DC of our own.

You sound awfully cynical.

BitchPeas Sat 25-Mar-17 20:43:05

Marmalade do you really think so little of men? And yourself?

What if someone actually likes you for who you are? It does happen ....... shock horror hmm

user1489804018 Sat 25-Mar-17 20:43:43

Oh dear hmm

HelenaDove Sat 25-Mar-17 20:44:25

OP Are you the one who created the fb meme i saw today?

Marmalade85 Sat 25-Mar-17 20:45:00

Unfortunately my last relationship included domestic abuse and I'm fighting through the family courts to keep my son and myself safe so perhaps that's why I'm cautious.

Marmalade85 Sat 25-Mar-17 20:45:36

Helena no. What meme?

HoundOfTheBasketballs Sat 25-Mar-17 20:46:56

Because I don't identify myself solely as the mother of my child.
Because I identify myself as an individual with wants and needs that are separate from my role as a parent.
Because I am able to maintain these two parts of my life independently of each other.


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