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To hate Mothering Sunday.

(28 Posts)
CountessYgritte Sat 25-Mar-17 17:47:53

Ds1 has additional needs. He is aggressive and impulsive. He is also almost my size so getting worrying when he becomes violent.

CAMHS are overstretched and, quite frankly, useless. Medications don't work very well. We have tried them all. Have tried to access behavioural support but all we got was a very issue-specific CBT (despite me telling them every week that the issue wasn't the problem, the ever present anxiety was). He needs behavioural therapy from an experienced practitioner. It isn't available from CAMHS and I can't find anything that seems suitable.

I am tenacious and constantly seek to support but I am so worn down.

Tomorrow will be all about FB posts from friends, breakfast in bed and cards and "love my kids" # blessed and I am envious and sad. And jealous. And lonely. People have no idea of our reality.

I know I can do stuff to make it special by making EVEN MORE OF EFFORT but that is quite tricky when your young teen is in your face telling you to get the fuck out of the room. Or shut the fuck up. Or biting you. It doesn't feel very special. It feels a bit sad. A lot of his anger is because my partner (with the same SN I now realise - wasn't just quirky) is depressed and withdrawing from family life because he refuses to deal with his depression.

Mothers Day just serves as a painful reminder of how different DS is to his friends. And I feel so sad and worn down.

SN are crap. Not superpowers or gifts. They are shit.

Duckiesprettycrazy Sat 25-Mar-17 17:54:17

No advice for you (other than to avoid FB tomorrow) but flowers.

CountessYgritte Sat 25-Mar-17 17:55:40

Thanks. I appreciate it Ducky

elodie2000 Sat 25-Mar-17 17:55:50

flowers to you OP. I have no real advice other than stay off FB, do something, no matter how small, for yourself and try not to let this 'Halmark' day grieve you. X

Perdyboo Sat 25-Mar-17 17:57:00

Just wanted to respond and say loads of people post things alternate from their reality. Hang on in OP - you are brill with your boy. No one will know the reality and how tough each day is, but he has you being persistent/consistent with him and the agencies. Don't devalue that. Sorry there is no magic answer to it all xxx

DragonNoodleCake Sat 25-Mar-17 17:58:05

I too only have thoughts and flowers cake ginto offer you x I agree though please avoid fb

elodie2000 Sat 25-Mar-17 18:02:27

'Hallmark' as in commercialised crappy cards. Just thought I'd add, we don't celebrate Mother's Day here - switch off from it if you can. BTW, I've just got back from Tesco and it was full of men and stroppy children buying horrible (2 bunches for a fiver) chrysanthemums - last minute. It's not what people make it out to be in FB world!

tinglyfing Sat 25-Mar-17 18:07:15

You're not alone. I hate it too.

FeralBeryl Sat 25-Mar-17 18:08:57

flowers your DS is lucky to have a great mum fighting his corner. THAT is what you'll celebrate tomorrow, being fucking fabulous at parenting.

Fuck a lie in - never happens.

Fuck breakfast - crumbs in bed.

Fuck gozzy teddies with MUM on.

Fuck flowers that cost the earth just on special weekends.

Fuck people treating it like Christmas on Facebook.

We think you're great, and we'll be here tomorrow too brewflowersgin

GeorgeTheHamster Sat 25-Mar-17 18:35:39

Facebook is all shite, you know that. Stay off it.

It's Mother's Day. Try to make it just a little bit nicer for yourself than it would otherwise be. Try to find a part of it where you can put yourself first. Claim it for yourself.

Xx

Lakegeneva40 Sat 25-Mar-17 18:51:17

Yep please ignore facebook. It is really painful for me too as my mum passed away close to Mothers Day 5 years ago.
My little one baked a cake for me at school but ate it.
Not going anywhere because there is a Grand Prix on!
However your life sounds really hard op.
Hope you can get dome helpflowers

Applebite Sat 25-Mar-17 19:19:19

flowers for you OP. You sound amazing and I'm really sorry things are so shitty sometimes wine

CountessYgritte Sat 25-Mar-17 19:44:32

Well, you have made me cry! Thank you for your kind words. It is a sad state of affairs if you have to post on AIBU for kindness and support!

Thank you xx

GeorgeTheHamster Sat 25-Mar-17 19:49:44

I hope you manage ten minutes in the sun in peace tomorrow op.
Or a coffee hiding with the paper.
Just a few minutes for yourself.

aquashiv Sat 25-Mar-17 19:50:00

Fake book is all lies.
Happy Mothers Day..

Put your self first .somehow. flowers

intheairthatnightfernando Sat 25-Mar-17 20:08:02

I hope you're somewhere where the sun is shining tomorrow. Mother's Day is about celebrating YOU and the mothering you do. If SN prevent your dc from showing that to you tomo, you make sure you take time to value all the mothering you do, you sound fabulous and and strong and resourceful and i hope you get to take just a little bit of time for you tomorrow. Sending a hug.

user1489261248 Sat 25-Mar-17 20:08:22

I don't hate it, but it wouldn't bother me if it was cancelled.

I like to get a little bunch of carnations or daffs, and a card from my daughter, but hate it when DH buys me stuff. confused

I even said to him the other day 'I don't see the point in spending much for mother's day I hope DD only spends a fiver at the most.' Then I went on to say 'and there's no need for YOU to get me anything...it's all a retail money making thing!'

Thing is, it's valentine's day, and my birthday within a few weeks of one another, and he always spends some £75-£80 on those 2 (between them!) So I don't want or need him to spend anything at all, let alone another 35-40 odd quid!

Yet today, he said 'seeing as DD is coming around tomorrow, I will give you your mother's day gifts now' and hands me a bottle of harveys bristol cream, some roses, a pair of silver earrings, and some choccies. (About £35 worth.) I'm not even his mother, he has spent £75+ in the last few weeks on my birthday and valentines, and now he has spent another £35. It pisses me off, but how can I say that without looking like a nasty ungrateful cow. sad

People who don't receive anything, seriously need to avoid facebook til about Tuesday; it will be full of yummy mummies crowing about what they've got, and posting pics of themselves with their kids!

MasteroftheGame Sat 25-Mar-17 20:23:09

OP I have no insightful advice, but I can imagine just what you're talking about. DS has SN as well. I'm sorry, sometimes life just sucks. Avoid social media, perhaps look at ds's baby pics to remind you of the loevely person he could be and the joy you had when you first had him. You're both struggling, be easy on yourself.

elodie2000 Sun 26-Mar-17 12:48:44

I hope you're feeling ok today OP x flowers

LadyPW Sun 26-Mar-17 14:07:42

Yet today, he said 'seeing as DD is coming around tomorrow, I will give you your mother's day gifts now' and hands me a bottle of harveys bristol cream, some roses, a pair of silver earrings, and some choccies. (About £35 worth.) I'm not even his mother, he has spent £75+ in the last few weeks on my birthday and valentines, and now he has spent another £35. It pisses me off, but how can I say that without looking like a nasty ungrateful cow.
The OP has just posted about having shitty conditions to cope with and you're moaning that your DH has bought you 4 gifts. Seriously? Personally, if I were you, I'd be seriously appreciative that you have someone who cares instead of gloating at how much you get (because that's what it sounds like).
OP - flowers

CountessYgritte Mon 27-Mar-17 11:21:17

Thank you so much for your kindness and words. They really did make me cry and feel better. I felt appreciated and heard. Saying you were there for me on the day was lovely and made it so much easier.

Sunday was actually calmer than I expected and not one of the bad days so that was a huge deal. DC1 did make a big effort with his behaviour and made me a coffee (in a flask because he can't carry stuff without spilling it) which was amazing. He even wrote me a card. He scribbled on the front and said it was a picture of his crazy mind. He didn't finish the sentence inside because he lost his focus but that kind of made it more "him" and special if you see what I mean.

Thanks for asking about me on the day. Thank you for bothering to read my post and answer. I don't think you know how much it comforted me. And thanks to the poster for pointing out that the person moaning about all her presents perhaps had chosen the wrong thread. I was bemused by that post too xxxx

flowersflowersflowers right back atcha!

FeralBeryl Mon 27-Mar-17 12:18:10

Oh I bloody love the coffee in the flask!
smile that is amazing, bet that beat a bunch of shitty half dead flowers too. And the card <3
Just you remember those lovely things when you've shut yourself away one day feeling despair. You're doing amazingly and it's appreciated.
Glad your day passed gently flowersflowers

phoenix1973 Mon 27-Mar-17 12:24:49

I hope you're feeling better today. If it makes you feel better, my Mother's Day lunch was a half price sandwich from Poundland. 😂😂😂😂😂
And today I've just had a molar extraction. Yay! I'm starving but no prospect of eating for hours. 🌮🌯
😷
Hope today goes alright for you x x

Morphene Mon 27-Mar-17 12:25:06

aww op, it sounds like your child really genuinely appreciates you, even though it isn't visible all the time. That worth a thousand kids dragged round tescos to pick up bullshit 'mum' gifts.

LaPharisienne Mon 27-Mar-17 12:25:09

I love the coffee in the flask and the effort he went to makes the card all the more special.

You sound like a wonderful, wonderful mother. He is lucky to have you.

flowers

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