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How much is acceptable for a cash wedding gift?

(80 Posts)
weddingopinionsplease Sat 25-Mar-17 12:15:37

I've been invited to my brother's wedding in a few weeks. The invitation has a poem requesting cash towards the honeymoon instead of a present. My own wedding is 2 month after his, so money is fairly tight at the moment. Really tight, actually.

How much will be ok as the gift? My DP, our 2 DC (preschooler and toddler) and I makes 4 of us invited. My brother and his wife to be are much better off than us (and they know this) so I don't want to give too little as I'd feel embarrassed but obviously I don't want to give too much blush

I just don't know the etiquette regarding cash gifts, I haven't even mentioned gifts on my own wedding invitations because I'm clueless!

sonyaya Sat 25-Mar-17 12:17:35

Personally I give £100 if giving cash. However gifts are optional, brother or not.

Trainspotting1984 Sat 25-Mar-17 12:18:52

Your brother? £100

glitterglitters Sat 25-Mar-17 12:19:17

As much as you can comfortably afford. My brother gave us £250 in vouchers for our wedding but my DH's brother gave us £50 because that's what they could afford. Both were very appreciated and relative to their life etc and if they'd given us nothing I wouldn't have cared either. X

HeyCat Sat 25-Mar-17 12:19:44

I give £100, but we can afford that. Give what you can comfortably afford and don't feel bad about it. Could you do £30? I think that's fine.

Oysterbabe Sat 25-Mar-17 12:19:52

I generally do £50 for friends but yes probably £100 for a close relative.

user1476961324 Sat 25-Mar-17 12:21:51

I disagree with giving cash in general as a wedding gift.

There's no way I would give money to my brother at his wedding though - that feels like a strange transaction.

Could you buy him a gift instead?

Thegirlintheyellowjerseydress Sat 25-Mar-17 12:23:00

I gave my brother £300
But I had a well paid job and no children at the time

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sat 25-Mar-17 12:23:45

As he will likely be due to give you a wedding gift /cash soon after maybe both agree on just cards instead?

user1483387154 Sat 25-Mar-17 12:24:01

Whatever you can afford to give. It really is that simple.

Thegirlintheyellowjerseydress Sat 25-Mar-17 12:24:08

I should add my brother spent less on me when I got married but he earns less and has kids to support so that was fine with me

ImperialBlether Sat 25-Mar-17 12:25:36

Why don't you agree not to swap presents since you're getting married just after him and you're broke?

cheesyinkent Sat 25-Mar-17 12:26:59

Just give nothing if you can't afford it. Ive done it as all my money went on attending the thing.

peachgreen Sat 25-Mar-17 15:30:17

My brother gave us nothing and I couldn't have cared less, he was so helpful in the run up and absolutely lovely on the day taking care of people and chatting to everyone (not something he hugely enjoys). Put what you can afford in a card made by your DCs, if they know you're not that well off they're not going to judge. Tbh I didn't pay attention to what anyone spent on us (we had a old-fashioned list!) and I think it's a bit crass when people do.

KoalaDownUnder Sat 25-Mar-17 15:32:10

What you can afford and want to give.

There is no 'acceptable amount'.

Aoibhe Sat 25-Mar-17 15:34:48

Eugh, I hate those poems requesting cash. How crass..


Don't put yourself under pressure anyway.

greenworm Sat 25-Mar-17 15:38:02

It depends how tight things are and how you get on with your brother. I'd say £50 was OK and maybe something personal to underline the fact you do care, even just a thoughtful, personal message in the card.

Funnyonion17 Sat 25-Mar-17 15:39:11

I gave £100 to mine. The day itself did cost me a lot too in preperations, family outfits etc. Close family i would say a minimum of £100

ilovesooty Sat 25-Mar-17 15:39:20

I've just had exactly the same request for my niece's wedding. I'm unsure how much to give - I'm a single guest, and as my sister hasn't invited me to stay I'm having to pay for a hotel as well. I feel as though I ought to give £100 but I don't have a lot of knowledge of what will be expected.

MidnightDexy Sat 25-Mar-17 15:43:42

I would give 100 but i/we can afford it. In these circumstances the much better thing to do would be to agree just cards as your wedding is so close. Or suggest no gifts either side and go for a family meal after your respective weddings.

user1489261248 Sat 25-Mar-17 15:46:41

Also loathe cash gifts for weddings. And as for poems urgh!

I would give £50 tops. If people need to ask for money for their honeymoon, then maybe they should rein in the spending on the wedding.

Vegansnake Sat 25-Mar-17 15:50:13

RUDE,....I'm not a fucking cash machine
So if you want some money
I suggest you go and earn it
Not sponge of me,sonny.

There you go,poem for a reply x

CountryCaterpillar Sat 25-Mar-17 15:53:59

Wow. If my brother got married and wanted money for his honeymoon (completely possible) Id give about 30 quid I think. High cost gifts like 100 I'd expect more from parents!!

1horatio Sat 25-Mar-17 16:00:21


Hundred and upwards, imo.

actually, 100 for me personally is more the distant cousin-amount.

But that depends on what's seen as normal in yiur family and on your financial situation.

For some people 20 would be a lot. I'd value that 20 more than somebody else's 200... not sure if that sentence makes sense in English, sorry.

Congratulations to your wedding as well smile flowers

tinyterrors Sat 25-Mar-17 16:00:35

Bil and sil gave us £50 when we got married and we gave sil the same when she got married. It was what we could afford at the time.

Give what you can afford. I'd have hated our guests to give us more than they could afford and leave themselves short.

My favourite present cost about £10 but was perfect for us.

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