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To be selfish over new partner

(116 Posts)
Downwithpeppa Sat 25-Mar-17 09:57:05

To cut a long story short , I've been dating a man since January , about a month in he told me he'd been to prison for manslaughter , I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt as I really liked him and things have continued to go well he's given me absolutely no indication of being dangerous or anything . He comes off lovely and acknowledges the seriousness of what he did nearly 10 years ago . last week my dad found out and has gone absolutely ballistic and demanded I not speak to this man again or give up my relationship with him. I do have children but they have not been involved at this point. Aibu to ignore my dad and continue the relationship ?

ChicRock Sat 25-Mar-17 10:00:00

Depends on the circumstances of the manslaughter.

But I can see why your dad ain't happy.

RainbowsAndUnicorn Sat 25-Mar-17 10:00:53

As an adult you are free to put yourself in whatever situation you want, however your children are an entirely different matter. They get no choice.

Your dad is right to interfere, any loving parent would. It's not a petty crime, but a serious one that changed lives.

Bluntness100 Sat 25-Mar-17 10:02:38

Clearly it's your call and clearly you know why you're dad is concerned.

Manslaughter is huge. The man has killed someone. He will have been in prison for a long time. It effects everything in his life.

Who did he kill and why?

PhoenixJasmine Sat 25-Mar-17 10:03:19

Depends on circumstances. If it was a tragic accident/negligence that led to someone's death, maybe YANBU.

If it was any kind of violence on his part then I agree with your Dad.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sat 25-Mar-17 10:04:31

Does his name start with J?

LucieLucie Sat 25-Mar-17 10:05:32

You need to find out the FULL details of his background and crime he was convicted of.

Your father cares for you and has your best interests at heart. Listen to him.

Good men don't go to prison.

Who is he responsible for killing?? Make/female? What happened? Have you googled his name? Has he changed name? Does he have family and friends? A job?

Lots you need to consider and if it were me I'd put the brakes on this relationship until I had the full picture.

Zampa Sat 25-Mar-17 10:07:17

Manslaughter covers such a wide range of circumstances, from corporate negligence to a punch that fractures a skull. My feelings about the situation may depend on the nature of his crime.

The man has served his time and presumably regrets his actions. Everyone has a right to rehabilitation.

Your father has a right to worry and express his feelings but he should also respect yours.

Trust yourself, OP.

Penfold007 Sat 25-Mar-17 10:07:35

How did your father find out and do you know any details of the incident? Those details would be important to me.

44PumpLane Sat 25-Mar-17 10:09:43

It's positive that he was honest about what happened but I do think that it depends what happened.

Two drunk blokes involved in a bar fight both swinging at each other is somewhat different in my mind to drunk driving and mowing down a pedestrian.

Purely my opinion though.

WickedLazy Sat 25-Mar-17 10:09:51

I agree it depends on the circumstances. Your dad is just worried about you.

DonaldStott Sat 25-Mar-17 10:11:09

Oh god. Definitely depends on the circumstances. I cannot blame your dad for being concerned and 10 years in prison is bound to take its' toll on someone.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Sat 25-Mar-17 10:12:13

It defendants on the circumstances. I can see why your dad blew up tho. Tricky situation to be in.

HermioneJeanGranger Sat 25-Mar-17 10:12:21

Wow, please don't introduce your children to someone like this.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Sat 25-Mar-17 10:12:30

FFS obviously I meant depends, bloody autocorrect

Doyouwantabrew Sat 25-Mar-17 10:14:43

You need the complete picture. 10 years for manslaughter is a long sentence.

floraeasy Sat 25-Mar-17 10:17:09

What exactly happened and why?

What's he done/doing to prevent it happening again (anger management or whatever would be relevant to the situation)?

Your Dad is rightfully worried about you. He isn't blinded by love/honeymoon period.

Keep your wits about you and your eyes and ears open.

There are so many men out there without this baggage - it does seem to add extra hassle to your life you really don't need. For instance - how does his past affect your boyfriend's work, ability to travel on a passport, etc? Would social services get involved to keep an eye on him if your children's school found out? I have no idea how all these things work, but his past has implications for you.

You don't have to do as your Dad asks of course, you are an adult, and can use your own judgement.

We need to know more to advise you better, I think.

Tissunnyupnorth Sat 25-Mar-17 10:18:44

Completely depends on the circumstances. You cannot possibly expect considered answers based on such vague information.

notapizzaeater Sat 25-Mar-17 10:20:08

Totally agree depends on the circumstances - though 10 years is a long time, have you researched him or just taken what he's said at face value ?

expatinscotland Sat 25-Mar-17 10:20:46

Wow. I always wonder how crims manage to get women. It takes a special kind of low self esteem to even consort with a person who has killed someone, much less date them. If I were your father, and you had kids, I'd report you to SS. I'd also feel like an utter failure.

Whichoneofyoudidthat Sat 25-Mar-17 10:21:20

What have the characters of your previous partners been like? How did they treat you/your children?

I can think of few circumstances where I'd allow someone previously convicted of manslaughter intimate contact with me or my children.

NanooCov Sat 25-Mar-17 10:21:20

I suppose it would depend on circumstances - voluntary or involuntary manslaughter, etc.

If you didn't have kids I'd say it's up to you, but given you have children I'd be inclined to say to end the relationship. It's only been a couple of months.

Universitychallenging Sat 25-Mar-17 10:23:29

For me it if I could keep seeing him it would depend totally in the circumstances of the manslaughter. But I must be honest and say I don't know that I could. Especially with kids involved.

OnionKnight Sat 25-Mar-17 10:23:33

It depends on the circumstances, manslaughter covers a wide range.

If I were your father, and you had kids, I'd report you to SS.

For what? hmm

MarsInScorpio Sat 25-Mar-17 10:25:08

Manslaughter means he didn't intend to kill someone. Other than this, it could have been anything. It wouldn't have been drunk driving as this is a different crime. It doesn't need to have involved violence even.

Good people can do bad things.

For me, murder, no. Manslaughter, maybe.

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