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AIBU to distance myself?

(1 Post)
Wnpa Sat 25-Mar-17 09:45:02

I have been going to a smallish village toddler group with my daughter and then my son for over 3 years on and off, it's very close to me and very well established in the community, we are regularly attended by new mums or mums new to the area and it's a great place to meet people and make friends.
I'm quite an outgoing person and in the past I have always made an effort to talk to people new to the group, I know how daunting it can be to walk into a group and not know anyone!
Recently a new lady has started coming with her son, who is the same age as my son. She is currently 37+ weeks pregnant. She has recently moved to the area and doesn't know anyone. I got chatting to her and she seemed keen to start a friendship. Normally I would encourage this, nice lady, same age children, seems perfect! However, I had a full term stillborn son in December, I can be around pregnant ladies but have to be careful with newborns, I'm fine if I have time to prepare myself and don't have to get too close, but I've found being unexpectedly confronted with one has triggered panic attacks.
I don't know if I can cope with this friendship, she doesn't know my situation and so of course was chatting happily about her impending arrival (which of course she should be!). On one hand I feel bad about not establishing a friendship with this lady, she was very open about how lonely she had been since her move and how glad she was to have someone to talk to, on the other hand I don't know if I can cope with the inevitable close contact with a newborn which would arise from getting close to her.
I know this sounds so so selfish but although I'm sure we would get on great, I don't 'need' this friendship, I would be pursuing it for her benefit (god that sounds awful written down). I have existing friends who are pregnant or who have recently had babies and I cope with these situations because I have to, but this with this new lady I don't.
So; is it ok to distance myself from this woman or do I need to get over myself and not be selfish?

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