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to say something about 6 week old's sleeping conditions?

(91 Posts)
AppleFlapjack Sat 25-Mar-17 08:44:28

A school mum has just posted a picture of her newborn asleep in his cot and Im really shocked.

The baby has a pillow and duvet and is tucked in at the top of the cot sad the mum is a smoker which makes her higher risk for sids regardless so its playing on my mind.

Should I just mind my own buisness or bring it up with her?

snotato Sat 25-Mar-17 08:47:54

I think I would have to bring it up with her.imagine how you would feel if a couple weeks down the line the baby died and you hadn't said anything.
it would obviously be awkward to bring up if you don't know her well.but just say that was a lovely photo,but they advise that babies don't have pillows and sleep with their feet at the bottom of the cot now.?

Ojoj1974 Sat 25-Mar-17 08:47:59

Very tricky as people are so defensive. However, how stupid is this woman???? duvet and pillow for a new born???
Yes I would say something

TheShapeofYou Sat 25-Mar-17 08:50:50

I'd have to PM her, but word it carefully. I've done this with an old school friend, whom I haven't seen in years, who had her tiny baby in a carrier too low down (baby was same height as Mum's belly button; I'd just seen info that said you should always be able to kiss the top of baby's head).

Good luck.

Soubriquet Sat 25-Mar-17 08:52:03

Ah that's a hard one

No one likes being told that they are putting their children in danger...

But I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if the baby died either

LouiseTM Sat 25-Mar-17 09:00:30

I think you should try bring it up casually you know not be too out straight about it, there is nothing worse than someone telling you whats right for YOUR baby. But definitely say something as she might not know the dangers.

notcreative23 Sat 25-Mar-17 09:17:19

I would send a private message and say you saw an article recently saying it was dangerous etc. People get very defensive and upset over parenting comments so you need to make sure you aren't sounding like a "know it all" or that you're superior or anything. I know it's common sense to not have these things in the cot with a newborn, but it still could make her mad to be confronted about it.

EB123 Sat 25-Mar-17 09:39:52

I had something very similar a few years ago and I did say something (nicely). I just couldn't not say anything incase something happened to the baby.
The person in question was actuality fine about it and grateful for the info on safe sleeping because she had just done what her family had advised her to do. I think that is what happens a lot, the same with early weaning etc x

AppleFlapjack Sat 25-Mar-17 10:52:33

She is quite an opinionated woman and I can imagine her getting defensive but as you say I wouldnt forgive myself if something happened to the baby.

I felt sick looking at the picture, her tiny little face popping out between the pillow and duvet, at the very top of the cot (large cot bed!) Full of teddys sad

Its just how I go about saying it without upsetting her or looking like a know it all.

ClaireFraser Sat 25-Mar-17 11:40:48

What about sending her a PM saying something along the lines of "congratulations on your beautiful baby, thought you might be interested in the NHS guidelines for safe sleeping for babies" and then provide a link to the nhs page.

You run the risk of her mouthing off at you still, but better that than to just say nothing, at least then she has the info to make a decision. One kind of assumes that in this day and age everything knows about safe sleeping, but if you don't have much contact with babies, it's your first and you haven't read the info in your maternity pack, then I suppose it could pass some people by.

I'd have to say something if it were me, I'd never be able to forgive myself if something happened to the baby and she had been carrying on in blissful ignorance of how dangerous it is.

Trainspotting1984 Sat 25-Mar-17 11:43:41

It's a difficult one. I would say if at all, it has to be done by PM and no links. Present in very casual manner "I remember mid wife made a huge thing about no duvets- have you checked it's ok?" Bit innocent. If she thinks you're a patronising know it all she'll ignore you and want even more to carry on as she was

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Sat 25-Mar-17 11:54:47

I agree send a link to the NHS guidelines, you cant just say nothing sad

notcreative23 Sat 25-Mar-17 12:01:02

I actually think what trainspotting said is good! Say something like that!

PenelopeFlintstone Sat 25-Mar-17 12:03:03

She won't listen though. I private messaged a 16 year old mum very, very gently once about the full size pillow under their baby's head. She just replied that he couldn't sleep without a pillow Same as you - I knew at least I'd tried.

Tiggerific1984 Sat 25-Mar-17 12:04:22

I put DD in her moses basket at the bottom with a blanket firmly tucked in and she still got under it. That was the last time she got a blanket. Now she's 4 months old and in her cot and she still doesn't get blankets. She is in a sleeping bag.

I would tell her.

haveacupoftea Sat 25-Mar-17 12:05:45

"Aw so cute, i used to take photos like this of my LO, such a pain taking all the stuff out of the cot after the picture though before they go to sleep but the things we do xx"

If you're lucky its a staged picture and she'll say i know such a pain but worth it to keep safe blah blah. If not she'll say why did you take everything out and you can say ooh did the midwife not tell you no pillows/teddies and post link to the guidelines.

Worst she can do is ignore it in which case she knows as well as you do she is putting her child at risk and will continue to do it anyway.

laurzj82 Sat 25-Mar-17 12:08:15

Imagine if you don't tell her and something happens...sad

Can you say something like I saw your photo and remembered I was told blah blah link to guidelines. I didn't know either! Our something like that..?

Oysterbabe Sat 25-Mar-17 12:11:36

I agree it's probably a staged picture and not how the baby actually sleeps.

Sparklyuggs Sat 25-Mar-17 12:11:39

I'd send her a link to an article (NHS/Tommy's/Lullaby Trust) with the guidelines. She might tell you to f off, mind your own business etc but at least you have done what you can do to protect that tiny little baby.

It's so hard with the guidelines changing, I'm due in July and feel like a broken record explaining to well meaning relatives that cuddly toys, duvets and pillows are very unsafe for a newborn.

MontysTiredMummy Sat 25-Mar-17 12:28:21

Do tell her directly, but be gentle. I tried to buy a cot bumper for my DS in John Lewis recently and got a right bollocking from the sales lady! (I knew they were a no-no for tinies but thought they were okay to use in a cot when he is a toddler). I cried buckets in the car afterwards despite being old enough to have got a grip!

DubiousCredentials Sat 25-Mar-17 12:38:10

Could you say "ooh the sleep safety guidelines must have changed since mine were babies - and your dd looks adorable on that pillow etc. Mine were never allowed because of sids guidelines" or something faux innocent like that?

Trainspotting1984 Sat 25-Mar-17 12:42:21

I would Complain to John Lewis- why the hell are they selling them if they're so bad their staff are telling people off for buying them?!

Trifleorbust Sat 25-Mar-17 12:54:53

You probably do have to say something, but accept that she will think you are an interfering trout!

I would word it like, "Did your midwife speak to you about safe sleeping?" That way if she has already received the advice she can just tell you.

AppleFlapjack Sat 25-Mar-17 14:18:25

This is her second child, so I think she may be aware but maybe not, some great suggestions on how to word it!

I dont think it was staged as its a toddler pillow and quilt with childrens bedding on.

Masketti Sat 25-Mar-17 14:25:00

I told my DB he needed to get furniture fixings for the Malm dresser he had next to his son's bed. He ignored me despite me sending the US recall link. So I asked my DM to keep an eye on him for me. I couldn't say nothing but people are not always willing to listen.

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