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MIL - Memorial Service

(3 Posts)
DoolallyBinzes Fri 24-Mar-17 21:45:35

MIL died a few weeks ago. We had issues when I was married to her son. However, since we divorced MIL and I had a really good realtionship. She even came on holiday with me and my kids. EXH does not speak to me. He was the one who had an affair and left me and kids. He has rewritten history and somehow I am the bad guy. My AIBU is that I would like to go to the memorial service but one of my kids thinks I shouldn't go. He thinks I should ask permission from my EH. I really don't know what to do.

ChasedByBees Fri 24-Mar-17 21:52:07

You don't need permission. I would go if you want to. You don't need to draw attention to yourself, but it's not about the others. You're there for your MIL.

Chasingsquirrels Fri 24-Mar-17 21:54:16

My late DH's 1st-MIL, with whom he had kept in touch, died just before Christmas and he texted condolences to his ex, with whom relations are difficult. He was told by his son that ex didn't want him at the funeral. He wanted to text her and ask if he could go and I suggested he leave it a few days, till after Christmas, so that things weren't quite so raw and text her telling her how much he'd thought of her mum and that he really would like to pay his respects. She then said that was fine and he went to the service but not the afterwards.
I really felt that if she didn't want him there he shouldn't go - it was her mum and her grief and should be her decision.
The deceased won't know, those closest to them who are left behind don't need to be subjected to unnecessary pain to make others feel better about it.

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