Sorry if this is a little long!
A little back story:
I have always tried to involve my DHs family in as much as possible. I would invite them over, invite them to outings to go out to parks/zoos/restaurants, sent pictures, spend holidays with them, buy them 'just because' gifts, and have truly tried my best to have a positive relationship with them. And despite us never excluding them in the past they continued to demand more of us.
They have demanded more visits, claimed it was their right as grand parents. On top of all of this MIL and FIL make many passive aggressive comments directed at me. This includes sideways comments about me breastfeeding and the choices we make for our children, how my son only loves me because I feed him?, that my husband does all the cleaning/cooking (not true as I do 90% of it), guilt us relentlessly about not seeing them more (we see them every week), comment about my weight and appearance to the point it has had me in tears on many occasions.. including in front of friends who have straight up told them how rude they are right then and there!
I have never wanted to break apart the family, but DH has never been able to stand up to them for me. It is infuriating. I don't want him to cut them out of our life, but to defend me as his wife. It has caused a major rift and I no longer even look at him the same as he's pretty much just over and over again watched his family bully me. It has made me question many things in my life. I love my babies more than anything but these people have practically ruined the first few years I had with them because of the weight of stress they have put on me.
I no longer go to them for their help. They used to practically force their help on me with the kids and we would have them occasionally watch them, but now we get help elsewhere as I cannot deal with the stress of seeing them or hearing from them any more than we already do. I have also slowly began to distance myself from them more and more.. How do other moms cope with this?? At times I feel waves of guilt because I really do want to do what is best for the kids, but it is killing my marriage and my SANITY. I have had many conversations with them to try and improve our relationship, but they basically tell me I am too sensitive and to do whatever DH says. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to be around his family more often and not feeling comfortable with them watching the kids alone?
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AIBU to distance myself
21 replies
Lisa9819 · 24/03/2017 20:35
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