aibu, or is it him?

[Rabbit01]

OH currently having a chuck out. A whileback he did this and dumped a load of children's books and toys in the garage and then told me afterwards that he'd done it and to go through it if I wanted anything. This eve he's having another chuck out, I've just got it in and it's been suggested I go take a shower. So I started looking through his chuck pile and got told to go have a bath. I asked 'You won't put it in the garage,.will you?' (Not in an awful way, but just asking with calm voice). Asked as the stuff that got put in the garage got ruined by the damp as I was too busy with more pressing day to day work and children issues to go check through it. Anyway I then got shouted at, told I should have asked in a nicer way and no wonder I fall out with people! Oh and that I was trying to start an argument. I said 'No' in a calm voice, 'I was just checking that you weren't going to put it in the garage', 'It was just a question'. I feel like he gets stressed and then claims that I am stressed and have started an argument, starting to realize that actually I am calm and when he says I am stressed and angry that perhaps that's what he's feeling...Does anyone else feel like this with their OH?

[highinthesky]

You need to take some territory back. If he's sorting through stuff that isn't actually his to ditch, then you are quite justified in telling him to find something constructive to do with his time.

Like make everyone dinner, dust the skirting boards, that kind of thing.

[Bringmewineandcake]

Yep! Mine has pissed me off this evening by undermining me in front of the 4 year old, but it's my fault for making a thing of it apparently...

[Wishiwasmoiradingle2017]

Didn't he throw out some baby sentimental bits last time? He is trying to control you and override your decisions - take over the sorting yourself and tell him to go in the bath. .

[Rabbit01]

Highinthesky, I think that's the problem, I get so bogged down in the mundane that I don't have time for clear outs....:-(. Does your man choose the 'important' jobs too and you get stuck on the daily grind?

[Rabbit01]

Bringmethewineandcake yours sounds like mine. Not sure what to suggest as I have had enough of being at end of stressed angry comments that have all been driven my me.

[TotalPineapple]

Mine has this thing where he feels like I 'tell him off', which I imagine you did when all the stuff in the garage went mouldy, so I can see why he'd be touchy if he's that way inclined.

He does sound on another level though, mine doesn't get angry or anything like that (actually it took ages for him to say something about not liking my tone sometimes - I think he needs to grow a pair, but I suppose a bit too passive is better than a lot put up with).

[Bringmewineandcake]

I do the clear outs in our house - his family have hoarding tendencies! - as well as the mundane... we have a bit of an uneven workload at the moment, I know. Yours sounds overly controlling though - you were "sent" to have a bath to keep you out of the way while he cleared out what he wanted that's not right. Why does it need another clear out? Is he always choosing things that belong to you and DC?

[highinthesky]

OP - no, I have a v low threshold for tolerating the stupidity of men.

I see my 74 yo DF try to "help" with the way my DM manages seemingly minor household matters that she's been doing for the best part of 50 years - e.g. distributing food parcels - with total amazement. It's not for me to tell him to butt out and stop interfering (because technically it's none of my business either) but I really feel my DM's pain here.

[Rabbit01]

Hmmm, air has now been cleared following chat. Now he's in bath and I have to finish the job...hey ho!! Just need a few more hrs in the day.