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AIBU?

To complain about this midwife (long)

114 replies

BootieAndTheBlowfish · 24/03/2017 18:24

Baby is fine, I am now fine, (at least physically). Want to make that clear before I start. Also, I'm sorry for the length.

I was induced as I was two weeks overdue. Was given first prostaglandin in a maternity ward about 5pm and was on the CTG for monitoring. There were a few periods of fetal heartrate dips which they decided were temporary loss of contact. Doctor reviewed a few times and said all fine.

Shift change about 8pm. New MW comes and introduces herself. Will call her MW Y(oung) . At this stage I was starting to feel contractions but not too bad. I had been taken off the CTG monitor. There were other people in my ward who were being kept in for overnight monitoring before they went home in the morning.

Few hours later I was in a lot of pain, contractions coming thick and fast and when the MW Y wandered round the ward I/and DH told her there was only 2-3 minutes between them. I was also shaking uncontrollably and vomiting from the pain. My MW Y gave me about half a dozen new sick basins and said she'd come back in a bit and "sit with me for 10 minutes with her hand on my stomach to see what's going on". She came back into the ward a few times and kept saying she'd be back in a bit to sit with me, but never did.

About 1am, another much older MW saw me (as I gave her the sick basins and asked for more) and then gave me diamorphine and an anti-sickness injection, she also did an internal examination about 20 minutes later and said I was definitely in established labour now and was 2cm dilated. She (older MW) wrote on my notes that the diamorphine had had "very limited effect" (although I thought it had as although still very sore, I was no longer vomiting from the pain). DH was told he could probably go home, so he did.

Within 90 minutes of the injection I was back to shaking and vomiting at every contraction. I was passing out asleep after each one, waking up a minute later, vomiting through it, and falling asleep, waking a minute later, vomiting etc. This went on for another hour. When my MW Y would come in I'd tell her and get new sick basins. She kept saying she'd come and sit with me in a bit. She asked if I'd like a bath, but I was doubled over in pain, vomiting and shaking and thought there was no way I could get into a bath so I said I just couldn't.

I then started to bleed quite a lot. And it wasn't stopping, so at 3am I dragged myself out to the MW station and said to my MW Y who was at the desk that I was bleeding and the contractions were really strong. She said that's normal she'd come and see me in 5 minutes. 20 minutes later, no sign of her and still bleeding a constant stream of thick blood, so I went out to the desk and told her again she said she'd come an see me in a bit.

At this stage, older MW overheard me, told me she'd come with me and told my young MW to stay there and do her notes.

Older MW examined me, I was fully dilated.

Within a few minutes (at 4am) she'd run me down to the labour ward to a delivery room. I was then put on the CTG and baby was extremely distressed.

Room fills with doctors, baby's heartrate was dropping to 20 and not able to recover in between as the contractions were too long, too quick after each other and too strong for baby to cope with. I was in hypovolemic shock; vomited almost a litre of greeny black stuff and needed resuscitation fluids "stat" by the anaesthetist. They then said I needed a EMCS (crash, under GA), then 30 seconds later said it was too late for that and I had an emergency instrumental delivery instead. I had a large episiotomy and a major PPH. Baby was tightly tangled in the cord so they struggled getting DC out, and needed a lot of work by the paediatricians after birth to get breathing established. I needed a blood transfusion as my haemoglobin dropped to a life threatening level.

I requested my maternity notes (hence knowing all the above) and there aren't any notes from "my" MW (Y) in the ward, except her "made introductions" note at 8pm. That is her only note in 8 hours. Old MW has notes at 1am after examining me, then her notes when she rushed me downstairs. Nothing from MW Y between 8am and 1am, or 1am and 4am, despite the number of times I told her (MW Y) I was shaking/vomiting/in agony.

I am really upset about this (the labour generally, but especially the lack of notes). If something had gone really wrong, there was no record that I had been asking for help for a couple of hours previously. They'd have said they didn't know and I didn't tell them anything, and it wasn't their fault.

I am really struggling to come to terms with what happened. How close I came to losing DC, because of MW Y. Why she decided that DC and I didn't matter, and I wasn't worth checking on or examining. That she must have assumed I was lying/exaggerating about what was happening. That I had to do the whole "active labour" part completely alone, no pain relief, in a maternity ward with women who were not even in labour on the other side of the curtain, who were probably upset hearing me vomiting everywhere. It was so humiliating, and I was worried I was waking them or scaring them and trying not to make noise with the contractions. That I had to drag myself out to the desk, twice, and then it took the older MW overhearing me to get any help. I have never felt so alone in my whole life.

I want to know that she knows what happened, so she never dismisses someone in that position again. I just need to know she knows.

I can't have a debrief because it would be with the medical team, not a midwife, due to the type of birth (I've asked). It's the pre-birth care I'm annoyed about. I have no problem with anything the doctors did in the delivery room, they all did what they had to given the situation. It's clear from my notes they were quite 'WTF' about how I'd been landed on them fully dilated in that state. I'm so, thankful they saved us both (I've sent card and present). But I'm annoyed at the midwife.

Will she have been spoken to about it already, given what happened? Should I complain about her, (if so, to whom?) or let it go? DH says she would definitely know as older MW would have had to explain when she rushed me to the delivery suite and she wouldn't have taken the hit for her. I need to know she knows. I suppose she must?

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MrsCobain · 24/03/2017 18:28

I'm not sure about the complaining but I do think you need to see a therapist immediately. What you've been through could result in some mental health issues, pstd being the first that comes to mind.

My friend had a similar and awful birth. Both she and the baby nearly died. She didn't complain and I don't know if that helped or didn't but I do know that it's really messed with her head. She still (her ds is now 3) is adamant she wishes he hasn't been born and feels a growing not lessening sense of trauma.

Hugs for you op.