MIL lack of praise

[damewithaname]

AIBU about MILs lack of praise with regards to the good I do in raising my children, her grandchildren? We don't have the best relationship and I've continually tried to make it work. Through the years, I've received very little praise from her: no much praise that I'm a good wife and take care of her sons and his interests or that I'm a good mother to her grandchildren. She has always been quick to tell me that I'm controlling and a low life yet I have never done anything to be considered a low life??? I see how the other womend in my family get praised by their MIL and it hurts that mine doesn't say it to me. Anyone else have this? Am I being self centered?

[BertrandRussell]

She calls you "a low life"? Blimey- why would you want praise- or indeed anything-from her?

[damewithaname]

Few typos-sorry

[SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter]

What sort of praise do you want for being a good wife & mother from your mil?

I get on with my mil very well and she's a lovely women and I know she thinks a lot of me but she doesn't pat me on the head on say I am a good wife or mother.

Does your dh and dc appreciate you? As that is what matters

[gamerchick]

I think I would positively cringe if I got praise for stuff like that

If your mil goes to that place and call you a low life, it's unikely she'll give you what you need OP. Although why you would want praise after that is beyond me... you really want her to suddenly rain down her acceptance? She needs telling where to go more than anything.

[damewithaname]

Just a bit of "you've done well at raising the boys" or "thanks for encouraging my son in his interests" would be nice to hear sometimes. My DH an DC do appreciate me but I suppose it's also because I hear how the other MILs praise their DILs.

[Trifleorbust]

I wouldn't expect praise from my MIL (I raise my child for her, not for my MIL). Nor would I expect it for caring for her son. That's a partnership, not a favour. But if she called me a low life without very good reason that would be the last time she heard from me.

[damewithaname]

My mom praises my DC often. She will mention in crowds how pleased she is to have a SIL like my Hubby. I see how it has positively impacted on him too.

[damewithaname]

Argh.. I meant my mom praisesaid my Hubby..

[NerrSnerr]

She's not on calling you a lowlife but I would really cringe if my MIL praised me for being a good wife and mum. That's just odd!

[Wishiwasmoiradingle2017]

Your dm praises your dc because they are an extension of your and she is proud if you also!! By praising your dc your mil would be also praising you - and you have taken her ds from her affections so you have no chance of redemption. . I suggest you stop giving the old trout head space and concentrate on your dm and the support she gives you. Nobody needs a nasty person in there life bringing them down. Back away from her.

[Astoria7974]

She's not your mum, she's your mil. You don't have a parent-child relationship. Just show her respect, basic courtesies, and expect the same from her. If she's being rude raise it with her child and either get her to change or stop her from seeing you/kids.

[Pinkheart5915]

Me and mil are very close but I would never expect her to say " thanks for encouraging dh with his hobbies" or " thank you for raising my grandchildren" I'd cringe!

I do find it a bit weird tbh

[damewithaname]

Lol I see your point. But maybe once in a while it would be nice to hear. Maybe it's part of me wanting to be accepted by her... I don't know.

[Huldra]

My mil doesn't praise me and I wouldn't expect it. She's nice to me and doesnt critisize me, that's all the affirmation I need from her.

Your problem is that she's quick to be negative towards you, calls you a low life!!! That kind of language is bullying.
Then at the same time praises others, which you hear. Again, putting someone down whilst praising others is bullying.

[TinfoilHattie]

Just a bit of "you've done well at raising the boys" or "thanks for encouraging my son in his interests" would be nice to hear sometimes

Sorry, but that's weird. I have a good relationship with MIL but I wouldn't expect that sort of comment from her, any more than I would comment on how well she brought up DH. I wouldn't expect it from my own parents either. You sound a bit needy - as if you're constantly seeking validation and reassurance that you're doing OK.

[damewithaname]

Thanks Huldra.. that's how it seems.

[Universitychallenging]

It's not on that she calls you a low life so she's bu for that.

But praise for having children? You're doing a good job? God no.

[Huldra]

Misread the last bit, thought your mil praised other women in the family. I see its women in your family get praised by their mil's. Forget the last part of my last post then.

Still who the hell calls the dil a low life

[Nanny0gg]

Why do you or your DH accept her calling you a lowlife?
Why do you allow it?

[TheColonelAdoresPuffins]

If my mil called me a low life I'd think that was the end of any relationship between us. I'm not sure how you could move on from that. I'd leave my dh to take the grandkids to see her without me from then on I think.

[damewithaname]

Huldra, she does praise the other son and his girlfriend... no kids involved.

[5moreminutes]

I agree - as an adult wanting praise outside a work context comes across as needy and as though you want a parent - young child relationship or see your mil as your boss!

What you actually need is for her to be positive rather than negative about you and behave as though she respects you.

Has she actually called you a low life in so many words? If so she needs calling out on her rude and offensive comments, by both you and her son. Don't say that you want praise though, it makes you look weak and subordinate.

[damewithaname]

TheColonelAdoresPuffins that's kind of what I've done. I invited them for my son's birthday party and we also spent a short time there for Christmas because it is my DH family and I feel that for him it's the right thing to do. Def does hurt.

[damewithaname]

Yes, outright "You are a low life" and in front of all my children.

[damewithaname]

5moreminutes thanks that's really what I was trying to get at...positive feedback from her...