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childcare for labour- Aibu to be upset?

(147 Posts)
hibbledobble Fri 24-Mar-17 12:29:49

Dc3 is due imminently.

Sadly both sets of grandparents have booked holidays around my due date. Either side of it, but it means at least one set will miss the birth. They booked these while I was pregnant, and had been told the due date (but apparently they 'forgot').

I'm worried that if I can't reach the set who are still here, what I'm going to do. I don't really have any friends I can ask, apart from one, who has kindly agreed but has her own dc.

I'm worried as dc2 labour was quick, so we will need to get to the hospital quickly. For various reasons a home birth is not an option.

minisoksmakehardwork Fri 24-Mar-17 13:05:09

Sadly grandparent are not obliged to provide childcare. Your dh will have to stay home with the others. Although if your labours are particularly precipitous the hospital may book you in for an induction which might help.

My own last labour saw twin one arrive about an hour after contractions started. An old neighbour was scheduled an induction when her last labour was shorter than the travelling time to the hospital! They couldn't risk another home/unattended birth nor risk delivery en route.

expatinscotland Fri 24-Mar-17 13:12:38

Call on your friend. I think it's unreasonable to be upset, but then I had DC3 on my own at hospital because DH had to be with our other two (it was the middle of the night). It was fine.

hibbledobble Fri 24-Mar-17 13:16:32

It's not just childcare, but they will also miss seeing the newborn baby.

I'm worried that if my friend isn't available then I'm pretty screwed.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Fri 24-Mar-17 13:19:49

Can you seek out a babysitter who could do short notice or stay over?
Come in handy in the future if gp aren't going to be that involved. (their loss!)

TheHodgeoftheHedge Fri 24-Mar-17 13:20:55

OP where is your partner in this? How old are your other DCs btw?

Hillarious Fri 24-Mar-17 13:24:57

Your friend will be more than happy to help, so take her at her word. I'm sure you'd do it for her, even with your own DC.

My second birth was very quick. The third not so. I was told by midwives that second births are usually the easiest and quickest.

Relax.

expatinscotland Fri 24-Mar-17 13:26:25

Then speak to your friend about her availability. Some grandparents just aren't that fuss about births, particularly after the first one. It doesn't mean they're not good grandparents, though.

LotisBlue Fri 24-Mar-17 13:31:08

At least they are both going away at different times, so you will have one set available for childcare, and your friend as a backup. You will be fine smile.

When i was pregnant with dc2 I was quite anxious about childcare for dc1 and I had a plan a b and c in place so I do understand where you are coming from!

LisaDuncan Fri 24-Mar-17 13:33:48

I would be very upset at this, I think it is really thoughlessl of them.

How old are your other DC, are they are nursery? Could you ask a member of the nursery staff to be on call if friend couldnt make it?

I disagree expat I think it makes them crap grandparents and even worse parents to be there at a time of support - not all births are straightforward or have a happy ending so to be away on propose at this time is pretty shitty.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter Fri 24-Mar-17 13:39:44

A bit unreasonable when your friend has kindly offered to help you out so you don't have absouletly no child care do you

Your in laws and parents are not away at the same time so one set will more than likely be here, yes one set won't see the baby immediately when it's newborn but that's no problem they can visit when they are back

expatinscotland Fri 24-Mar-17 13:42:57

'I disagree expat I think it makes them crap grandparents and even worse parents to be there at a time of support -'

What if they have 10+ grandkids? They're supposed to put their lives on hold for every single birth and be on tap for childcare or they're crap? Glad I don't expect my parents to build their lives round me.

Porpoiselife Fri 24-Mar-17 13:44:11

if one set will be around, plus your friend it sounds like you are worrying needlessly about childcare. Also I don't understand why you think it unreasonable for your parents or in laws to be on holiday around that time. Unless they have gone away for 6 months or something, but even then.

AyeAmarok Fri 24-Mar-17 13:44:17

I think you're over thinking this.

One set will be there. You also have your friend as a backup, and your DP as a third backup.

I'd have quite liked it if I had a few days peace from one set of grandparents after my birth TBH.

skippy67 Fri 24-Mar-17 13:44:26

Where's your partner going to be? And your friend has offered to help you out so it's not as if you don't have options. I don't think the grandparents have done anything wrong.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns Fri 24-Mar-17 13:44:38

I'd ask your friend, and not worry about it. And talk to the nursery too.

I also wouldn't hold it against them - and I'm surprised by the idea that it's 'shitty' for them to go away. I don't think you can ask them to put their life on hold for you.

Both my mother and my MIL were carers for their husbands by the time I had my babies so I had to sort out my own childcare for birth. In my case that meant paying and it was absolutely fine. I wasted far too much energy worrying about it.

ExConstance Fri 24-Mar-17 13:45:14

Doesn't seem grand parents can win, most of the threads on here expect them to stay away for at least a fortnight and any desire to see the baby is seen as pressurising interference....

LotisBlue Fri 24-Mar-17 13:45:26

Many grandparents don't live locally enough to provide this kind of support - I don't think this makes them crap grandparents!

Iamastonished Fri 24-Mar-17 13:45:44

"but they will also miss seeing the newborn baby"

That's their choice. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter whether they see the baby at 3 days old or three weeks old.

Take up your friend's offer and try not to worry.

BarbarianMum Fri 24-Mar-17 13:46:55

<<It's not just childcare, but they will also miss seeing the newborn baby.>>

In the nicest possible way, if that was so important to them they'd not have booked a holiday. They will be able to love the child just as well if its a few weeks old when they meet them.

Your dh can look after your other children if needs be.

Headofthehive55 Fri 24-Mar-17 13:48:32

Get you DH to look after your others and you can text him when it's born and he can bring the siblings in.
Your third might not be quick. I had a precipitous with DD2 DD 3 born at home ( couldn't risk journey) again ridiculously quick, DS (fourth chikd) took ages.

Clandestino Fri 24-Mar-17 13:48:36

I disagree expat I think it makes them crap grandparents and even worse parents to be there at a time of support - not all births are straightforward or have a happy ending so to be away on propose at this time is pretty shitty.

Seriously? That's just way OTT. OP has someone to look after the children. I assume there's the DP or DH somewhere in the picture so he can be with the OP during the birth and then look after the children. Suggesting grandparents should be there in case the birth goes wrong is way out of line. Also, what are they supposed to do in that case? They are grandparents. They produced their own offspring, brought it up, they can relax now. I assume they just believe that their daughter or daughter in law will be able to give birth on her own, with the support of her husband and they are not obliged to take care of the offspring.

Pinkheart5915 Fri 24-Mar-17 13:49:17

You do have childcare though, your friend has very kindly offered.

One set of grandparents will more than likely be around as they are going away at different times, so what's the issue here? Yes they won't be able to see the baby the minute it is born but you can send photos and they can come over and meet him/her when they are back.

I certainly don't think it makes anyone a crap grandparent, they have lives too. It actually sounds quite well planned with your parents and in laws not going away at the same time

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar Fri 24-Mar-17 13:55:33

We're in a similar position, although grandparents are a) too far away and b) not well enough to help (therefore have never done childcare).

For DC2's birth a friend who has her own dc has agreed to help if she can (less than 50% chance that'll work out) but otherwise DH will be at home with DC1 and I'll go in on my own. Not ideal, but them's the breaks. Hope it all works out for you OP.

unfortunateevents Fri 24-Mar-17 13:56:01

So you have the possibility of one set of grandparents being available, if not, then you do have a friend who has offered. She wouldn't have done so if she wasn't prepared to be called on. Having a baby is a pretty one-off event for which people are prepared to inconvenience themselves for a day or so.

I think you have to accept that seeing the newborn baby is less of a deal to grandparents third time around (actually third time with you, possibly a lot more with other grandchildren?) and unless they are going away for months, most people would consider that the baby is still newborn after a couple of weeks.

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