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to pull my kid out of school

(38 Posts)
notturningintopowerranger Fri 24-Mar-17 11:26:52

My son is in reception at a nearby school and was there for nursery. There have been issues from day one, he was being bullied by a kid - I'll call him P and this took the form of pushing, hitting and kicking. The teacher would not confirm if this was happening and I did not feel my child's needs were taken seriously. A while ago my child came home saying P had licked another child's penis in the playground. Recently I am hearing from all parents that P has been asking to see their child's penises or showing them his, touching kids inappropriatley and physically attacking other children. This has made me certain that my child was telling the truth about the incident in the playground. It is out of control. The school reported to children's services but no further action was taken.

Another parent went in to school to collect their child at lunchtime last week and there were children (quite literally) climbing the walls, the teachers screaming at them, coats all over the floor, some inside with no supervision. She said it was like a zoo. It's insane!

My child is in the extra needs group, but the teacher has always told us that everything is going completely fine for him - we don't need to worry at all. I only found this out by seeing on the timetable he is on the list of kids they take out for extra support...! There is no communication and parents evenings are two-three minutes long.

We applied for a school closer to us, which is an excellent but oversubscribed school. He is first on the list at the moment, but a place may not come up for some time, or someone may jump ahead we just don't know. I have just got my youngest in to this school and he will be starting in september. I have friends to help with school run so not too worried about logisitics.

My question is this: should i take my son out of the first school and put him into another school nearby while waiting for excellent school? This would make logisitcs even easier as they're in the same direction. They have a place he could start now. However, I would then want to move him to the excellent school as soon as a place came up which would mean another move. I'm not sure it's fair on him being at yet another school, getting to know people and moving again. Should i homeschool until he gets a place? Should i leave him at the zoo school until a place comes up at the excellent school?

He is very angry and upset after school, and takes a long time to settle down, and I feel I'm not protecting him by leaving him there. I am really worried, and don't know what to do. Home schooling would be a bloomin' nightmare as I work, but maybe I could give my son a boost until he starts at the excellent school. I just don't know what is for the best.

WillowKnicks Fri 24-Mar-17 11:34:23

I won't comment on P, as it sounds like he has very serious issues but regarding your son, I'd home school until a place at the school becomes available.

It sounds like he is very disturbed at the current one, so leaving him there wouldn't be an option & I don't think it would be fair to move him again, after he'd settled.

You could of course, move him to the school with a place now & leave him there.

witsender Fri 24-Mar-17 11:38:05

I wouldn't change that many times. I would either leave him there and wait, pull him out and HE until a suitable place comes up, or choose another school and stick to it.

notturningintopowerranger Fri 24-Mar-17 11:38:16

I agree that P needs serious help and support. I thought my son might be exaggerating but now I feel it's clear this has happened. The fact the school haven't done anything about it is what is really worrying. Thanks for the advice. It's really daunting, but I feel maybe the only option.

witsender Fri 24-Mar-17 11:39:20

He's only wee, if you did pull him out and have him at home for a while you wouldn't have to do anything strenuous with him.

puppetpoppet Fri 24-Mar-17 11:40:30

At this stage, moving him twice sounds better than leaving him where he is. If you can't home school, maybe put him into the other school and see how it goes? Even if you later feel like you can't move him again into the excellent school, it'll be better than the awful situation he is now.

DJBaggySmalls Fri 24-Mar-17 11:41:35

Pull him out as he is only getting negative experiences at that school.
Give him 2 weeks to calm down, then decide.

chitofftheshovel Fri 24-Mar-17 11:44:40

I would absolutely pull him out, zoo school sounds horrendous.

MrsHathaway Fri 24-Mar-17 11:46:11

When is he five? If 1 April or later, he doesn't have to be at school until September, so you can remove him without needing any kind of education to move him to.

I'd move him tbh. It could be years before there's a place - as an example, my DC1's class now has a space but has been full of the same children since Reception in September 2012.

notturningintopowerranger Fri 24-Mar-17 11:52:14

Thank you very much for your thoughtful responses. I worry I'm overreacting but I feel very sick thinking about what's gone on. Zoo school attached to our church so this all makes me very sad. I can't put him through this, though, it's not fair!

Mrs Hathaway, thank you, that's what I'm worried about. We are in central London so lots of movement but there are never any guarantees, and places at this school are very sought after.

MrsHathaway Fri 24-Mar-17 11:54:08

I think you have to take the excellent school out of the equation in that case (except for DC2 obviously).

If you are seriously unhappy with Zoo School (that name makes me smile) and convenient Decent School has a space then it's a no-brainer to move him, isn't it?

notturningintopowerranger Fri 24-Mar-17 11:54:24

Also he is the oldest in his class. I love the idea of home schooling if i could guarantee him a place from September, but not sure if I can. I could certainly move him back to zoo school in September if it wasn't working at home, as they are very undersubscribed (obviously....) there are five places in reception class!

TheColonelAdoresPuffins Fri 24-Mar-17 11:54:50

I agree with the first reply you got from willowknicks

LIZS Fri 24-Mar-17 11:56:54

What evidence do you have that school are not dealing with Ps behaviour? You won't be party to any safeguarding activity or support they are providing. Also avoid gossiping in the playground about what is probably a vulnerable child.

Do you really want to move your ds twice? Focus on communication about his progress and how they are keeping him safe in the meantime.

notturningintopowerranger Fri 24-Mar-17 12:08:04

Thanks LIZS, its an important point, but I actually think I've been very fair. I didn't mention what my son had said a while ago to anyone for that reason. Other parents have mentioned to me recently, and I'm not blaming anyone, nor speculating. My point is not about what P has done, but about the school's approach to it. It is absolutely none of my business what happens to P, even though his lovely mum has asked my advice. I am primarily concerned about my child, of course, and the ability of the school to keep children safe and educate them.

I do not want to move my child at all! I shouldn't have to, but I don't see any other option right now. I have spoken to the head, I haven't got any further, not really sure what else I can do.

notturningintopowerranger Fri 24-Mar-17 12:09:53

Evidence I have of behaviour not being dealt with is that this has been going on since September 2015. It is happening to other children not just mine, all children are affected. I know how hard it is to get resources, but the severity of this means that this should be a priority!

limon Fri 24-Mar-17 12:14:15

I think take him out. I'd be very seriously bothered by Ps behaviour and the fact that no action has been taken - I'd personally be getting in touch with social services as it sounds like a safeguarding issue . Poor P.

Gileswithachainsaw Fri 24-Mar-17 12:16:11

I would pull your ds immediately. I'd keep at home and re visit the situation if by the summer holidays you have no space still.

That poor boy it doesn't bare thinking about what's happened to him.

I don't think being at home will hurt your ds it's going to be "wind down fir summer hols" time soon anyway.


Funnyface1 Fri 24-Mar-17 12:16:34

If i were genuinely worried i would move him. It's not ideal moving him so much but better for him to be safe and not exposed to inappropriate behaviour that makes quite an impression on children so young.

Trainspotting1984 Fri 24-Mar-17 12:19:59

As a FT worker myself I'm completely confused as to how HS is even an option? How can you do it?

What a tough call. I suppose my decision would depend on how much damage I thought this school was doing on a daily basis (i.e. How much damaging could 3 more months be)

Have you reported your concerns to ofsted?

notturningintopowerranger Fri 24-Mar-17 12:25:10

Hi trainspotting, I do work ft (seeing as it's already obvious who I am and have namechanged, as I will be so identifiable!), I work nights and weekends so between me and the children's father we could manage short term. I have been counting down the months for my youngest to start school and was getting pretty excited that I might finally get to sleep(!) but having them both at home is much easier anyway as they talk and play together.

You're right though - what's three months?its not a long time, especially as we approach summer and things get a lot more relaxed. Of course, being at school he has learnt a lot and it's daunting to wonder how I can match that level of teaching with no experience myself.

paxillin Fri 24-Mar-17 12:30:40

I think I'd put him in Good-enough school waiting for Excellent school. Zoo school parents are bound to take their kids out if it is that bad and not getting better and you might find Good-enough school filling up quickly.

Witchend Fri 24-Mar-17 12:45:50

I wouldn't rely on waiting lists, unless you are certain that you are first, know for certain no children were admitted at appeal (hence taking them over 30 so more than one child needs to leave) and know someone leaving soon.
In dd2's year (2 form entry) no one left until Winter term in year 2, and the person that got the place had only moved into the area a month previously and leapfrogged the previous number 1.

pissedlady Fri 24-Mar-17 12:50:36

P needs to be reported to social services. Sounds like there are some major issues there. Poor kid.

In regards to your son? I'd pull him out if school today.

MadMags Fri 24-Mar-17 12:55:42

Does the fact that your youngest is starting in excellent school not hold any sway?

In my catchment area, they bend over backwards to take siblings.

I wouldn't leave him in the zoo. At this age he won't miss much academically as long as you HS to keep up with stuff, and his mental wellbeing and social development is more important, IMO.

It would be a different story if he was in an older class.

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