Mother's Day

[Cheesenacho123]

It's my first Mother's Day this Sunday and all I wanted was to do something between me, my DS and DP.

DP asked what I'd like to do and I said I don't know but then after a day decides between him and his DM that we'd spend the day with his DM and DGM doing something for them and confirmed it without actually asking me that's definitely what I wanted to do. I can't spend the day with my own DM because she's working so I'm spending Saturday with her. Am I being unreasonable being upset the fact it's my first Mother's Day and all I wanted was to spend it just us three. His mother and grandmother have had many Mother's Day but this is my first and I can't just have my first Mother's Day again, it wouldn't be the same. I just feel like it's been ruined. I tried to tell him last night how I felt but he's all like it's now set in stone and can't cancel it. I wouldn't mind if he had said we'll go late afternoon/early evening but no we are going for 1pm which means we'll have to be up and out by 10/11am. So it's not like I get really any of the day to just us.

Do I go and just grin and bear it or do I spend Mother's Day alone with my son whilst DP goes to see his family?

[vaginasuprise]

You get a grip and go and spend some lovely time as a family. It's a stupid non day. In 30 years time you won't remember it whatever you choose to do. I've got every single card my 3 boys ( adults now) ever made/bought me, I treasure everything like that but can I pick out specific day memories, nope, it's all just a jumble of cold tea, limp toast and love.

It'll have a bit more meaning when your child is excited for you.

[Happyandhungry]

YABU if its that important you should have said "whatever we do as its my first mothers day i want it to be just the 3 of us"

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Why are people so petty about Mother's Day? I don't get it. It seems to bring out the selfish in people. I'm spending mine cooking lunch with ds for his gran and great gran. It's no skin off my nose, we're all family and it's nice to spend time together.

[youngestisapsycho]

Don't you spend everyday with your DS?
The fuss people make is so stupid...
Mumsnet will be full of threads on Sunday and Monday of mothers moaning about their shit day.

[RoseAndRose]

Did you actually tell him that you wanted to be just the three of you? Because it does rather sound as if you didn't, and so it was totally reasonable of him to assume that no preference meant no preference, so he arranged something which he wants to do and thought you'd like.

He couldn't have guessed that you wouldn't.

Any reason why couldn't you go with him? A nice day with all the mothers in his side of the family doesn't sound that bad.

[SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter]

He asked you what you wanted to do, you said you didn't know. If you didn't have any idea at all what you wanted to do, how is he meant to know?

Yes his mothers had many Mother's Day but guess what she's still his Mum

It's my first Mother's Day day too and I will be spending it with dh, mil, fil, and my mum and dad

Either stick a smile or your face and go or don't go!

[Cheesenacho123]

I'm going but I don't get a long with my inlaws, so I'm basically going to be sat there bored whilst everyone else takes hold my of son. I had said I wanted to do something just the three of us just didn't know what to do but apparently DP never took that on board.

Also I'll be lucky if I get breakfast in bed, he never wakes before me unless for work and I'm usually on the 5am feed for our son. I doubt I'll get a lie in or breakfast because he won't do that without me saying can you make me breakfast and can you get up at 5am to feed our son. I don't want to have to ask him to do that, it would be nice just to have it done by him using him own brain. It's like living with a 16yr old, I have to ask him to tidy up, wash up and do things he should be able to remember to do by himself. For one day I shouldn't have to remind him or ask him.

[Pinkheart5915]

To be fair your dp asked you what you would like to do and you replied " I don't know" you couldn't think or anything at all, no? So he decided that you'd go visiting his Mum, maybe he thought as you couldn't think of 1 thing you'd like to do you weren't that bothered?

Yes of course his mother & grandmother have had lots of Mother's Day but why does that matter?

As for Mother's Day never being as good as your first and him ruining it. Over reaction much!

It's my 2nd Mother's Day and we are doing similar to last year me,dh,dc, mil, my Mum and dad for afternoon tea

It's entirely up to you either go and visit your mil or don't, the choice is yours

[Cheesenacho123]

We've been together for 7yrs, he should know what I like to do and what I don't. I understand he has to see him mum but not to spend the whole afternoon and evening with her.

[SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter]

And you've know yourself for longer than 7 years but you didn't know what you wanted to do

[TheWhiteRoseOfYork]

In that case don't go! He can go on his own, spend time with his DM & DGM. YOu stay and spend time with your son. Your MIL is not your son's DM so she can't object to him being with his actual mother.

[AddToBasket]

I think you need to get a grip. You weren't specific and now you are bad tempered about things that haven't even happened (breakfast/being bored).

If you'd like breakfast in bed ASK FOR IT and the same goes for what you want with your day. Too late to cancel but you can ask your DP if you can shorten the visit and do something else as well.

I am another who thinks that making a fuss beyond breakfast and a card is just ridiculous and diva ish.

[n0ne]

I get you, OP. I'm not one for expecting fuss but your first MD is something special. If it's any consolation, on my first MD when DD was a few weeks old, I got nada. No acknowledgement, even. I thought DH might take the night feed so I could at least get some sleep, but no. I was really upset the next day and told him so, and he was horrified. It just hadn't occurred to him he should do something for me - I'm not his mother! He more than made up for it after that

I think just let him know you're hurt, rightly or wrongly. He still has time to make a small fuss of you

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

When did society become so fixated on making big events out of minor celebratory days? It's actually depressing.

[NotJanine]

I always thought Mother's Day wasnt' really a thing until your children are old enough to know about it. So probably once they're in pre-school and bring home a handmade card for you?

I think it's nice that your husband wants to spend time with his mother and grandmother.

[SorrelSoup]

Just stay in bed and have the day to yourself to relax. You can legitimately do this on mother's day. It's the only great thing about the day. You tell dh that you're having good a lie in, he is getting up at 5 to do the feed. You expect this and him to give the kitchen/house a quick once over. Spell it out. Don't sit and wait seething to be disappointed. Just tell him how it will be. The only downside is that you have to reciprocate on father's day! You could all go out in the evening for a glass of wine or something??

[jollygoose]

when your ds has a wife or partner I hope she doesn't say he would rather not spend time with you.

[Newtothis2017]

To be fair you are your dh's wife not mother. Why shouldn't be spend it with his mother. You said you are only seeing your mum in Saturday because she is working on Sunday. Go along and try and have a nice time. And when your Ds is older you will get lovely homemade cards. In the meantime make a fuss of your dm and enjoy the baby cuddles and kisses

[Waitingonasmile]

I think you are being ridiculous!!!!!! Just ask him to do the feed and have time in bed. It's might be annoying having to ask but you can still enjoy it .

[CheshireChat]

I'd ask him to do the feed and also make it clear you'd like to leave fairly early so you get the evening to yourselves.

Your DP may have simply thought that the more the merrier and not really registered you'd like to be alone.

FWIW I find MN fairly joyless as far as celebrations go so you'll get criticised for even caring.

[Borntoflyinfirst]

I think you're putting to much pressure on yourself to have an amazing day. You've got your baby and your mum to spend time with this weekend. Please try to think about those that are not so lucky. I am. I have my mum and my children. I don't have my dad so I struggle with Fathers Day. This means I can appreciate Mothers Day even if I do carry on pretty much as normal throughout the day.
If you decide to enjoy it maybe you will. But it sounds like you've already decided not to.

[Miniwookie]

You're being very silly about the lie in. Yes it's shit that he wouldn't think of it for himself, but better to get one you asked for than not at all and be seething about it. If you keep asking for what you want he might eventually start thinking of things for himself.

[LovelyBaubles]

I'm going to go against the grain here.

My first mothers day was spent with my mil. I wish I'd put my foot down and said no.

Since then I've decided since its mother's day and I'm a mother then it should be all about me and take myself off to do my own thing. When my children are old enough to want to do something themselves that'll be great as well.

I'd hope that when my children have children and partners, that they would want to celebrate what their partners bring to their family lives, and if that means them doing their own thing without me, then that's fine.

[Annie592]

i just feel like it's been ruined

It's not your wedding day! Its just a Sunday that's nice to spend with family, if you can. You should have been more specific with DH if you really didn't want to spend it with his Mum- I don't think it's unreasonable after asking what you wanted to do, and you saying you didn't know, that he would arrange to see his own Mum on Mother's Day.