Hello all,
I genuinely don't know if I'm being unreasonable here.
Our DF died nearly 10 years ago when we were in our early 20s and since then I've wanted to have a memorial tattoo. I soon decided on an animal from a particular group that was his favourite, which is also my favourite and something I built my career around (conservation and monitoring of this particular species). I feel a real connection with my father through this. I have dithered over design and placement and haven't had much spare cash so have not done it yet.
My DSis recently announced that she is getting that particular animal as a tattoo. I am very upset by this as I'd then have to either not have it, or have the same tattoo as her. It makes it feel less special somehow and already the idea of it has tainted it.
She also wants it as a memorial for him, however she has no connection to this animal and the only reason she knows it was his favourite is because I told her that's why I wanted it, I only know it was his favourite as when I first started working with them, after his death, my mother told me and was pleased I was working with them. She has taken is as gospel that this is now symbolic of him, but this is simply because I have said it. It is also a very beautiful animal. I bitterly regret telling her what I wanted but never imagined she would do this.
When she first told me I did say, in surprise, that that was 'my' tattoo idea, but she said I had 'sat on it' for too long so she would do it. It's not been raised since then as I don't trust myself not to get upset.
Am I being unreasonable to ask her seriously not to do it? I don't want to create anything nasty or emotional, I want her to just quietly let it go and think of her own idea. I tried to think of some for her but haven't thought of anything she likes.
AIBU?
Sister 'stealing' tattoo idea
Sillyjelly · 24/03/2017 08:53
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Sorry about your father 
Be honest with yourself, were you ever going to get the tattoo? It's been 10 years, are you thinking about it now only because your sister wants it? If you were, and it is the thing you really want to do then have it. It doesn't matter if you have the same tattoo, she is your sister and you both want to have it in memory of your father, I think it's quite nice that you would both have it. But can see from the other side that you have more connection to it through working with the animal. What would happen if you told your sister you were getting it? Would she still get it? End of the day though get it because it's something you want, if you really do. Even if you end up with a tattoo of the same animal you can change position, colour, style, size so they are very different. If you don't want to cause a row that might be a way of broaching the subject with your sister, discussing the details and how to make them unique to each other. I work in conservation too, I'm intrigued to know what the animal is!
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