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Aibu or is this a racist comment?

(50 Posts)
BellarinatheCAG Thu 23-Mar-17 16:46:34


I'm being accused of falsely calling someone out over what I believe to be a racist comment. I'd like to know what other people would make of it.

I would like to point out my opinion isn't only based on this one incident but a few others...only the previous incidents don't have any "witnesses" as such.

I'm mixed race (African and 2 different types of Asian) holding a different African countries passport i.e. not the same African country as my heritage.

Person making the imo racist comment (T), is Caucasian/European (basically a white person). T also is a soroptimist.

I have very poor metabolism and so tend to get very cold. So on this particular occasion after being made to sit for 3 hours in an open air theatre followed by a walk in the gardens, I was wearing a borrowed jacket in addition to my sweater and wrap. Another person made a sympathetic "you poor thing" type of comment to me which was perfectly fine with teeth may have been chattering at this point.

Upon hearing that comment T decides to take a photograph of me and then laughs and says to me "I'll show your photo to my soroptimist group and tell them here's another one of those poor African women (names a particular place which happens to be a neighbouring country to where I was born) we (referring to her and her husband) are supporting". She continues to laugh, I'm not sure about what.

So, what best describes T in this instance:
A) Racist
B) Just doesn't like me personally
C) both A and B
D) innocent and meant nothing bad.

I hope people do weigh in and reply.
Many thanks.

raspberryblue Thu 23-Mar-17 16:50:56

It's an a) for me. And possible a) & b) - eeeew what a horrible woman - ps what is a soroptimist?

sonyaya Thu 23-Mar-17 16:51:18


very close friends may be able to get away with that kind of joke with Certain BME people who have given permission to mention their race in the context of a joke. That's not the case here. No harm was probably meant but it was ignorant, rude and -yes - racist in my opinion.

jennymac31 Thu 23-Mar-17 16:51:28

If someone said that to me I would not have taken it as an innocent comment, especially if they have made similar ignorant comments previously.

TotalPineapple Thu 23-Mar-17 16:51:33

A and possibly B.

If she wouldn't have said it to a white person it's racist. 'Poor African women, hahaha' sits badly with me too.

raspberryblue Thu 23-Mar-17 16:51:53

Just googled it & bloody hell yes to a)!! angry

JustBeingJobless Thu 23-Mar-17 16:52:08

What a horrible comment! I'd say that's racist yes.

Mulberry72 Thu 23-Mar-17 16:52:15

A for me!

I had to Google soroptomist though blush

BoBaraMoMara Thu 23-Mar-17 16:54:32

Well she's definitely an idiot. What an absolutely shitty thing to say under any circumstance. Took your photo as a specimen for display? That's beyond shocking.

I'd have asked for an explanation of what she meant and set her straight as to which country I was from.

Definitely racist and her intent is irrelevant- the impact is what matters and the impact was racist.

EduCated Thu 23-Mar-17 16:54:33

A. And possibly B. Which also means C.

Lucked Thu 23-Mar-17 16:54:48

Horrible. Also the implication that she is in some way your benefactor- yuck.

user1486562272 Thu 23-Mar-17 16:55:49

Racist, thoughtless, rude (and all 3).

Batteriesallgone Thu 23-Mar-17 16:56:50

C. Bitch.

sonyaya Thu 23-Mar-17 16:57:44

Was it her or someone else that said you had falsely called her out?

gleam Thu 23-Mar-17 17:00:49

She sounds like a dick.

OfaFrenchmind2 Thu 23-Mar-17 17:01:11

Racist indeed. How can she consider herself a benefactor and liberal minded if she makes jokes so clumsy and offensive?

PageNowFoundFileUnderSpartacus Thu 23-Mar-17 17:02:14

Let's see:

1) She made an assumption about your race
2) She attributed something that could have been perceived to be a deficit in that situation (your inability to keep warm) to your race
3) She implied you were a charity case in need of her Lady Bountiful largesse

So yeah, I'm going with "racist".

StewieGMum Thu 23-Mar-17 17:04:12

Clearly A. Probably B & C too.

ethelfleda Thu 23-Mar-17 17:05:14

Definitely racist. It does not matter if she 'meant no harm' as that just proves she is ignorant and stupid.

ZebraOwl Thu 23-Mar-17 17:07:17

Bloody hell.

Well I'd go with definitely A & possibly B is true but there is no way to tell from what you've said there, so can't tell if it's C. No way is it D though angry

Utterly inappropriate behaviour from anyone, but from someone who is a soroptimist there is an additional layer of wrong. TBH if there's a way to report her I think it'd be reasonable to do it because her behaviour clearly isn't in line with the stated aims of the organisation.

There are some REALLY uncomfortable echoes of mid C20 charity campaigns "for the poor black babies in Africa" in what she said, too. Fantastic to choose to support women to [develop the skills to] become financially independent, develop their businesses [& networks] etc - but not if you're going to do frantic "help! help! my flags are on fire!"-style levels of LOOK AT ME HELPING THE LESS FORTUNATE "virtue signalling". (Really hate that phrase, think it gets chucked about far too lightly but actually does apply here...)

BellarinatheCAG Thu 23-Mar-17 17:07:55

Lol @ Batteriesallgone...its exactly what I said...Racist bitch!!!

Thank you all for confirming what I knew.

Other comments include: you don't need can't use this (herbal essence) shampoo...and the most shocking one was when I stupidly took her to an Arabic friends family wedding taking place at a Grand Hyatt Hotel ballroom. We were sitting at round tables with 8 other guests when T decides to ask me whilst(whilst pointing/gesturing to various people around the table and in the ballroom) in English (because of course none of the people there would understand Englishhmm) "are those black ones the slaves then?!"

Apparently, I was out of order when I said T is a racist bitch and I ruined her big birthday celebration just to prove a point.

EduCated Thu 23-Mar-17 17:13:53

Not to much minimise the situation, but giggling at herbal essences. Why on earth would you be able to use it (even in the mind of a racist fuckwit)?

Goldfishjane Thu 23-Mar-17 17:16:07


and this woman is in an influential position?

Fucking hell.

Pardon my French!!!!

1horatio Thu 23-Mar-17 17:16:52

are those black ones the slaves then

Oh wow.

IF the comment about you being cold had been the only thing she had ever said? I would have said that this may (depending on ther intentions etc) be more in the "horrible joke" category. But combined with the outher things you mentioned?

yeah, she's a racist bitch.

Notmyrealname85 Thu 23-Mar-17 17:18:34

The answer is (c) and she sounds like a "see you next Tuesday"!! What on earth was the point, are her family (DH) knobs too?

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