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To think being gay doesn't excuse you being a dickhead?

(98 Posts)
HillysChair Thu 23-Mar-17 13:31:45

A man I have to work with (not often once every few weeks). He would describe himself as a queen bitch and frequently does. Usually with a long drawn out darling afterwards hmm.

He's rude. Rude to the point that nobody else would get away with. Frequently commenting on everyone's outfits, cutting remarks about random people walking past the office, referring to women as breeders e.g. "oh daaalings sorry I'm late screaming breeders on the bus"

There's two other women in the office who hang on his every word and cackle delightfully everytime he speaks. I've raised it with him before and his excuse was "well that's who I am darling". Their excuse for him is "oh it's his sense of humour havent you been around a gay man before?"

Well yes obviously I have but they weren't like him or so fucking rude all the time.

We don't work for the same people, it's an office share so not much I can complain about higher up. More of a rant really that being gay isn't some excuse for acting like a dick and quite offensive to other gay men!

I swear to Christ if I hear another "omg look at her skirt" comment I'm going to throw something at him

Boofeckinghoo Thu 23-Mar-17 13:48:26

That sounds absolutely awful! What a horrible work environment that is.
"Screaming breeders"? He needs to stop the misogynistic bullshit. His sexuality is neither here nor there, no one should be speaking like that.

Has no one in a managerial position witnessed this? Someone needs to have a word with him.

Gileswithachainsaw Thu 23-Mar-17 13:53:49

He sounds a complete dick head. Not a gay thing it's a personality thing.

The others sound like they have some romantic idea of a gay best friend to bitch with. Either that or they are worried about seeming homophobic if they dare to say anything.

helpimitchy Thu 23-Mar-17 13:58:38

Presumably his mum's a "screaming breeder" sad

IamFriedSpam Thu 23-Mar-17 14:01:25

havent you been around a gay man before? I would say that's very homophobic, that's not how most gay men act. Being gay doesn't make you a dickhead.

I can't stand people who say "that's just how I am" or "I just say it like it is", to me that just means you have no empathy or personal filter.

Applebite Thu 23-Mar-17 14:03:00

He has issues and plays up to the shrieking stereotype IMO.

YANBU. He is being a dick about it all!

Whatsername17 Thu 23-Mar-17 14:08:04

You can and should pull him up on it. One of my best friends is a happily married gay man and neither he nor his husband would ever be so rude. A colleague of my dhs thought it was OK to grab women's boobs because he wasn't interested in 'that way'. Nope, still sexual assault.

UglyChristmasPullovers Thu 23-Mar-17 14:08:18

He's being ridiculous. Sexuality is not an excuse nor should it be used as a front to explain rudeness.

shirleycartersaidso Thu 23-Mar-17 14:09:37

I worked with someone like this. He was a bully and got away with it. HR did get involved in the end.

BumWad Thu 23-Mar-17 14:11:24

He sounds like a dick.

Can you not complain to his boss?

DoItTooJulia Thu 23-Mar-17 14:16:56

I've also worked with someone like this. Nasty bully to boot. Any time a formal complaint was made he would say that the person complaining was a homophobe and so nothing ever stuck.

Boiled my piss.

SuperFlyHigh Thu 23-Mar-17 14:22:26


Most gay men (or lesbians) I know don't act that way in or out of work in case they're complete idiots.

SuperFlyHigh Thu 23-Mar-17 14:23:05

I mean "in which case"!

1horatio Thu 23-Mar-17 14:24:24

It's rude.

I'm bi and when I was a bit younger (especially in uni) I was part of a local LGBT+ organisation...

I think I've met very few gay men that behaved similarly...
In many way I feel like they're misogynistic but dress it up as somehow ok because they're gay and... actually, Idk why.

Idk. Some people are dicks. Gay, straight, bi, male or female. And actually, the two female coworkers are imo homophobic.

Iris65 Thu 23-Mar-17 14:31:52

Lets turn this around: uber masculine guy wearing jeans that show his backside, a fluorescent jacket and a hard hat "I love the ladies dun I. Its who I am." Then proceeds to comment on her 'big tits', 'short skirt' and speculating whether someone is wearing a thong or any knickers at all. In between yelling out 'Oi Babe, show us yer knockers', 'Cor come over 'ere and I'll give yer one!"

So no, his sexuality is not an excuse. We would never accept the behaviour of Blokey, so would we accept the behaviour of this so called Queen Bitchey Gay guy?!

TinfoilHattie Thu 23-Mar-17 14:32:34

I used to work with someone exactly like this. When he was pulled up for his hideousness, he screeched that we were all homophobic. He's not called Peter, is he?

amusedbush Thu 23-Mar-17 14:33:47

I sympathise. My colleague plays up to the very over-the-top camp stereotype and he's just bloody rude all the time. He bitches about and does impressions of people as soon as they walk out of the room.

1horatio Thu 23-Mar-17 14:36:09


Or also a super mascular guy coming to woring and complaining about "screaming fags and dykes on the bus" (I don't think these are necessarily slang words used in the UK, but you get my drift). That would be awful as well...

Doyouwantabrew Thu 23-Mar-17 14:36:13

Not professional you need to complain. He sounds very childish

candyvilla Thu 23-Mar-17 14:37:22

YANBU. He sounds awful to be around. I would be tempted to comment on his last seasons such and such and watch him squirm but in reality would probably just grit my teeth.

SailAwayWithMeHoney Thu 23-Mar-17 14:39:16

He sounds like a jerk. Breeders hmm

thedragonflyinn Thu 23-Mar-17 14:39:37

I too used to work with someone like this. Completely vicious about people's looks/clothes/lifestyle choices. He used to refer to the straight males in the office as "those hetero cunts" (not to their face mind you). If anyone dared to pull him up on his comments, he used to scream homophobia. On the other side of the coin, there was another gay guy in the office who, while occasionally getting sucked into the bitchy ways of my colleague, was for the most part a sensitive and kind person, who never had a bad word of his own to say about people.

No idea how to tackle someone who behaves like that, probably why I left!

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Thu 23-Mar-17 14:40:06

I use to work with a man very much like this. He was one of those people who folk generally like on first meeting - he seems bubbly, witty, friendly etc. - and then you get to know them hmm.

And, no, sexuality has nothing to do with it. A bitch is a bitch.

VestalVirgin Thu 23-Mar-17 14:40:28

"Screaming breeders"? He needs to stop the misogynistic bullshit

This. There is no excuse for that.

I'd feel tempted to insult the colleagues who defend him and then say: "What? That's just my sense of humour. Have you not been around a [your sex and sexual orientation] before?"

TwentyCups Thu 23-Mar-17 14:42:03

This is nothing do with him being gay, it's just him being rude! I have known loads of gay men who are NOTHING like this.

Pull him up on it each and every time. If you are too intimidated to do this write down his comments, tone and date them and take it to HR.

Sorry you have to deal with this he sounds very unpleasant.

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