Pissed off with school assembly

[FriedPisces]

I'm pretty sure IABU but I need a little big rant. I know there have been similar posts, have contributed to them (I think) but have just sat through well, stood up at the back so the more important tall parents could see my youngest DS assembly. He's 7 and in year 2. Same kids doing the speaking parts yet again, no support for children like mine who want a speaking part but aren't offered one because it might take a bit more nurturing to boost their confidence.

He told me at the beginning of the week he was taking part in a group dance for the assembly. He was pleased as punch, really enjoyed practising and the TA spotted him the next morning and said "Didn't we have a great time dancing yesterday miniFried!" He nodded and grinned at her and went into class.

Then he comes out at home time and says the teacher decided "the other group was better so we're not dancing anymore." He was really upset by it.

Last year in Year 1 he was given 2 quite long lines to say. He said them confidently, clearly and happily. I was so proud of him but more importantly he was proud of himself and it gave him a huge confidence boost. He was happy to go to school and it was great for his self esteem. (I know self esteem has to come from home as well and we do frequently tell him how clever/artisitic/imaginative/brave/funny/strong/etc etc he is).

He's taken a step back in terms of confidence with this teacher because she doesn't seem to know how to speak to him or boost him. Today after the assembly he clung to me, tearful and sad and said he wanted to come home with me. This set me off and I did cry a bit myself, not great in a busy hall and playground. Had I not had to work I would have whisked him off home I think.

I know the school has to show itself off but it would mean more to me and parents like me if they gave the less confident kids chance to grow their confidence, not put the same kids up there every single time.

Like I say, I know I'm being U and the school have a lot on their plates but it pissed me off to see him so disheartened.

(Sorry, v long. )

[Waggamamma]

Aww,i feel for your ds! And what a shitty way to treat young children.

Our school, every child has a speaking part in every class assembly (unless they really really don't want to do it). It can sometimes make it quite long and slightly tedious, but every child deserves the chance, it's so important for confidence and self esteem. No child is 'better' than another.

I would raise this with the school op.

[FriedPisces]

See, that would be a better way to do it. I know that when there are 60 kids to get through it would make it difficult but just uuurrrggghhh! He was really pleased to do the dance and having watched the kids do it, it was quite long but looked fun. He would have been really pleased with himself if he'd been given the opportunity.

I would raise it but I've got a DS in year 6 and a DD in year 5 (at the same primary as DS) so I'm long in the tooth now and feel like I know very well how the school works. They have a special broom for brushing things under the rug.

[HelgaHufflepuff76]

Bless your Ds, how disheartening for him. I've had similar issues with my own dc so I know exactly how you feel.

I never said anything to the teachers when stuff like this happened (my kids are older now) because I felt that teachers had a difficult job and didn't want to be a moany parent, but it must've been obvious to everybody that the same kids were picked for stuff over and over again, either because they were very confident or because their parents had connections to the school.

I realise this sounds like sour grapes, but there's no doubt in my mind that things like this effect kids confidence and make them feel second class to some of their peers.

I don't think the teachers are being deliberately mean or anything, I just think it's because they're often over-worked and so take the easier option.

[candyvilla]

I don't think that you are BU at all. My eldest ds now 17 had this throughout primary school and it was annoying for me and disheartening for my ds. I used to end up not wanting to attend the assemblies just to see ds sit on the sidelines doing nothing. Obviously I did go but purely so ds didn't think I wasn't attending because I was somehow disappointed in him. I too would suggest talking to the teacher/school about how they are essentially knocking your ds confidence.

[Peakyblinder]

You arent being U at all OP.
I have had similar with my littlest one and it breaks my bloody heart.
Letting them all have a little turn or a line makes so much more sense.

[Witchend]

He's 7 and in year 2. Same kids doing the speaking parts yet again

Last year in Year 1 he was given 2 quite long lines to say

You can't have it both ways. He had 2 lines last year, so he had a speaking part. You can't then complain it's always the same children though, as he has had a part last time, and now it's someone else's turn.

The dance wasn't fair though, they shouldn't stop them doing it at that short notice unless there was bad behaviour.

[FriedPisces]

I know, they have so much on and this is KS1 SATS year (as much as I disagree with that, they still have to do it.)
I sometimes wonder what the parents of the constantly chosen ones think of my kids, in my darkest PMT related hours I assume they're thinking how crap he must be.
I felt exactly that candyvilla, that I was just there so he could see I was there. But his wave wasn't happy and excited like the others. Parents Evening has been and gone but I'll be mentioning it at some point.
It's just one line, that's all it would take for a bit of pride and feeling special.

[FriedPisces]

Well there have been 2 assemblies and a Christmas production since then. In all of those he was relegated. There has been literally one time in his schooling so far (including nursery) where he's spoken. They do bloody loads of assemblies and productions and the same kids get the lines/character roles over and over again.

Though I admit it does look contradictory but I'm pissed off!

[alltouchedout]

I prefer assemblies where every child who wants to have a performing role gets one. No one goes to assemblies for the beauty and dramatic content and polished, professional finish: we go to see our dc.

[IamFriedSpam]

YANBU how cruel to tell them they're doing the routine then decide they're not good enough! My DC's school is great about school plays and assemblies. Both my DC's plays had each child with about 2-3 lines. It was lovely to see the less confident kids have their moment and feel so proud of themselves.

[bigbuttons]

It's the same in my kids' school. I can pretty well tell you who the major players in the class assembley/christmas production are going to be. The same kids every time, year after bloody year.

[ChrisYoungFuckingRocks]

I know how you feel! It's always the same kids getting the 'lead roles'. In my DTDs (8) old school (very small village school where everyone was expected to bow and scrap before the bitch of a head teacher), it was usually the teacher's DC, or the class bully or someone who's parents have connections to the school. Also, if the head didn't like you, your kids didn't stand a chance. It broke my heart seeing my DDs (also the youngest in their class), just standing there year after year watching the others do all the talking.

We moved, and they are now in a much bigger school, and during assemblies, each and every child gets a line, no matter how long it takes. In fact, I was at their class production just this afternoon, and not one single child was left out. I feel for you and your DS, I really do.

[ChrisYoungFuckingRocks]

scrape not scrap! Although I got into a few scraps with the head .

[keeplooking]

YANBU op.

My ds, when he was in year 6, had a teacher who was forever saying he lacked confidence in class, didn't contribute enough, needed to be encouraged to 'come out of his shell' etc. etc.

Come the auditions for the leavers' production, ds decided he was going to try out for a part which wasn't a main part, but had a few lines. I, of course, was really pleased and happy for him that he had plucked up the courage to do this, and hoped he might get the part, as his teacher was one of those involved in the casting. But no......

So disappointing for the children who never get picked, and short-sighted of some teachers not to give a chance to the less obvious children, especially those who could do with a confidence boost.

[Gizlotsmum]

Recently had both my reception and yr 4's assemblies. All children had at least one line, some had more. All were involved in dancing and singing. Single form entry but am sure it should be doable

[MadMags]

I don't think you crying helped the situation!

You really should focus on downplaying it and saying it was wonderful to see him up there and it's not about who gets to do what etc.

[FriedPisces]

Yes my eldest is in yr 6 and recently asked for a part in his assembly. The same kids that have done it for the last 7 school years got them. Bloody infuriating! Especially when it takes courage to ask for a line or two!
MadMags, I didn't weep and wail, just brushed a tear off my cheek. my makeup costs too much to bloody cry off first thing in the morning And really it was the "I want to come home with you mummy" that did it. But yeah, I know. Not my finest hour

[NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom]

Sounds pretty shit, poor DS-YANBU.
Fwiw I'd have struggled not to shed a tear too...

[MadMags]

Oh I'm not criticising! I'm just saying I would try to cry away from him.

But I'd have probably sobbed so it's good advice but I probably couldn't take it!

[FannyFifer]

Same at our school, always the same 5 or 6 kids out of the class that get picked for everything.
Give the quieter kids a go, build their confidence. It's so infuriating.

[user1483387154]

This makes me so sad and frustrated. I always wrote our class assemblies and every child had at least 1 line to say. Those who were nervous etc may have only had "welcome to our assembly or Thank you for coming to our assembly" but they all had something and were so proud of themselves afterwards.

[BarbarianMum]

Our school is the opposite. Everyone that wants one gets a speaking part (even if it's just one line). Also lots of songs for joining in and plenty of random dancing for those who want to. It makes the productions a bit disjointed and occasionally confusing but we are all terribly proud of the result.

[FriedPisces]

I know he was proud to be asked to do the dance and so disappointed when she told him it wasn't happening.
I know they'd have a reason excuse for it. I spoke to another mum as she noticed I was not looking too happy and she said she gets bored of seeing x, y and z doing the parts every time too. It's the same in every year group. It's shite.

[BG2015]

My Year 1 class have done their assembly this morning. Every child spoke - I encourage it and unless they are noticeably reluctant or upset about taking part then they are given a sentence to read out!

They all loved being the center of attention and were so proud of themselves!

[Bloopbleep]

Same happens at dd's school. The son of a primary teacher will wear his "ever so cute" suit and take the main narrators role. The tiny wee beautiful blonde gets main female role and the uber cute dark haired girl gets the cutesy role. The rest of the class hover with one liners or moving scenery. Dd has at 7 resigned to being a lesser role and she believes it mirrors the cliques in the class. I feel really sad that a 7year old has worked that out for herself.