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To not know where to turn or what to do

(12 Posts)
candyvilla Thu 23-Mar-17 13:01:36

Hi everyone, I am yet to even finish my profile let alone post anything before but I need help. I will try to keep it brief but also not drip feed. Advanced apologies for poor spelling etc. I am emotionally frazzled atm.
Basically I need to know if I am BU for not knowing what my next move should be regarding ds school, welfare officer and bullying.
History: Ds is 5. Started school in September and I will admit has had a lot of time off. Been to GP about reoccurring illnesses. GP not concerned and said by Christmas he would only be ill every so often once his immune system built up. Since Christmas, today will be his 2nd day off. However school insist that we provide medical evidence as to why he is off school. GP won't do this other than appointment slip and school won't accept this. Want proof of prescription, permission to talk to go or a medical letter. I don't provide one of said things I get into who knows what trouble with welfare officer. School have called me twice today implying that I am lying about ds illness and that I don't have a Drs appointment for him. As for his illness,I am unsure if it is a physical illness or emotional illness brought on by the bullying he has been subjected to which has included pushing him repeatedly in his stomach area. Perhaps a combo of several things? As for the bullying it gets better for a few days and then flares up again. Noticed bullying from mid January time so don't think earlier illness from last year are related.

I fear that I have rambled on and on but if any of you wise people have got this far and can understand what I'm going on about please tell me if I'm BU for wondering what the hell I should do. I'm going from being angry and annoyed to wanting to cry my eyes out and feel like I'm doing a crap job of being a mum which is probably my anxiety coming out

FooFighter99 Thu 23-Mar-17 13:12:18

Do you think a face to face meeting with either the Headteacher or his class teacher (or both) might help? They might believe you more by seeing you in the flesh iyswim. (not that you should have to prove anything). You could also raise the issue of bullying and ask them what they are going to do about that as you think that will help his sickness absence rate.

Surely if it's genuine illness they can't penalise him/you for being off school.

I'm so sorry your little one is being bullied, it is not acceptable! You really must speak to school and ask that they sort it out.

Best of luck flowers

redexpat Thu 23-Mar-17 13:14:29

Keep calm and dont panic.

2 issues.
His attendance.
The bullying.

What action have you taken about the bullying?

If I was you I would welcome the chance to talk to the EWO about his absence as you can bring the bullying to their attention and ask what steps will be taken to keep him safe.

Start a paper trail. Keep a journal of sickness, what you do (ring the dr? Talk to the pharmacist etc) and how long he is off school.

In this journal also note any incidences of bullying. Who did what, where and when and what was done by the school.

It would be a great idea to get his stomach checked by the gp. It could be anxiety, it could be him skiving off but if you are seen to investigate proactively then that is good.

I strongly advise you to keep as much of the communication with the school in writing to create a papertrail.

KindDogsTail Thu 23-Mar-17 13:17:58

What red ays sounds a good plan.
Ask to see another GP in the same practice, explain to new GP you must have a letter?

candyvilla Thu 23-Mar-17 13:28:00

We have had a meeting about both issues. The attendance one was basically increase his attendance which I believe that I have been doing without really having to do anything as he's not been ill. About the bullying school are keeping an eye on things so they say and have spoken to the main culprit on several occasions. I keep being told 'boys will be boys' 'boys are boisterous at that age' ect, however my ds doesn't fit into those groups. Even school have said that he is very gentle, emotionally and socially very mature for his age. Ds just spends hours a week saying that he doesn't want to be hurt anymore

KindDogsTail Thu 23-Mar-17 13:34:19

The school sounds frightening for him. Could you ask the school in my view should be keeping him where those boys are not around.

Could his dad come with you to speak to the school too?

candyvilla Thu 23-Mar-17 13:35:19

Thank you. I shall keep a diary as suggested. Although I have 2 other ds (15&17) I have never had to deal with anything like this and don't have any support where we live.

redexpat Thu 23-Mar-17 13:37:41

Then you need to go back to the school and tell them that keeping eye on things isnt working and that you would like to hear exactly how they plan to keep your child safe. Take notes. Make sure you know what is happening, by when, and who is responsible for it happening. Email the notes as quick as you can.

And then you could go on a feminist rant about how boys will be boys mantra seeks to normalise male violence, isnt acceptable and fails all children. You could throw in the good old 1 in 4 women are abused by a partner at some point in their lives, 2 die every week at the hands of a partner or ex and that no boys will only be boys if the adults in their lives fail to socialise them.

candyvilla Thu 23-Mar-17 13:41:53

My dh has attended meeting's with me but due to his extensive health problems and the nature of them, which the school are aware of, they tend to only engage with me or don't take note of what dh says. Basically, dh can't have care of ds alone as if his health problem arises, which is frequent, it would leave them both vulnerable. Not trying to be vague about dh health it's just very complex and don't want it to over shadow ds

KindDogsTail Thu 23-Mar-17 17:40:39

Taking notes and being persistent and assertive with the school and the GP seems to be the best plan.

As you have older children, you can also point out that you are not just fussing and making out he has been getting illnesses when he hasn't; or just saying he is being bullied because you do not understand the normal rough and tumble of school life.

Good luck - this does sound difficult.

Milliepede Thu 23-Mar-17 17:46:51

I was a victim of bullying at school, as long as I have marbles left rattling around upstairs, I will NEVER forget it and how it made me feel. A lot of posters are going to shout me down for this, but tell your son to stand up for himself and hit the bully back. He isn't made of glass, if necessary send him to some classes to give him the confidence and tools to defend himself.
I hit my bully back and was never bothered again. It was one of the best things I have ever done.

candyvilla Thu 23-Mar-17 19:21:42

Ds saw advance nurse practitioner. He is not faking illness, had high temp, swollen glands ect. Basically a viral infection. Normal for anyone to get them, right? I only managed to get a stamped appointment card so am dreading the response from the school.
Could anyone suggest how I could go about writing a letter to the school? I have no idea where to start. Think am feeling too emotional to write a level headed letter right now.
I have had a long chat to ds about school tomorrow and basically he is saying that he's not going to be anyone but himself and then demanded that I help him read one of his mlp books and stop taking up so much of our nightly snuggle story timegrin

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