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Family member deliberately taking chicken pox child out on day 1?

(20 Posts)
SlummyMummyof3 Thu 23-Mar-17 10:18:55

I suppose the question is more, isn't my sister being unreasonable?

My husband and I are married to each other's younger sibling. I know this sounds incestuous but I promise you it is not! In fact, we are not even particularly close since we don't live near each other and have very different interests and values. Due to this close family situation, my mother blackmailed me some years ago into making them the Godparents for our three children. We stupidly went along with it at the time for the sake of family unity but we weren't comfortable with it at all since they are barely even believers and we are weekly Mass-going Catholics. I respect that's their right, but personally, I didn't and don't think they are role models of faith and therefore suitable 'godparents'.

Fast forward a few years and they had a daughter of their own who they had baptised and we were her godparents. We have tried wherever possible to send religious gifts to her and talk a little about the meaning of Easter and Christmas but not in any great detail. They do not let her come and stay with us so she has never been to church. We are not religious fundamentalists by any stretch of the imagination but we are sad that she knows nothing of the faith they themselves decided to initiate her into.

Fast forward another few years and now they have a second daughter. It was her baptism day last Sunday, 19 March. We were getting ready in the morning to drive the two and a half hours down to their local church, when my sister phoned the house and said she was just letting us know that the older girl (4) had just that morning come down with chicken pox. Our two older children have already had it but our youngest hasn't yet. We have a family holiday booked in London two weeks after the Christening, which we didn't want to jeopardise, so it was then assumed that we would need to leave our youngest son at home with a friend.

They went on to say that they intended to take their elder daughter to the church for the baptism, and then on to a restaurant for a celebratory lunch. They made no apology about this and were absolutely defiant when we stated that there was no way they should be taking a child out in public on day one of chicken pox. We attempted to compromise by saying that if one of the grandparents stayed with the poorly child during the ceremony, we could then go and have lunch elsewhere and they could have a little party at their house with all the grandparents but minus us since we didn't want our youngest son to catch chicken pox.

They made it clear that there was going to be no compromise whatsoever and that there was no way they would be excluding their elder daughter from the church or the restaurant. We said then they would have to postpone as none of us would be able to come down if they were insisting on taking out a child on day one of chicken pox, right when it is at it's most contagious.

They then proceeded to shout a load of abuse down the phone at us and then carried on with their day exactly as they had planned it, taking both daughters out in public. Both sets of our parents seem to have decided that this was acceptable behaviour, in fact my mother rang trying to bully me into coming down and my Dad offered to look after our youngest during the church ceremony. I refused this as I said the child to be excluded had to be the ill one, not my healthy one!

My mother has now said to me that she completely thinks they did the right thing. She believes that I would not have postponed my child's baptism, which is correct, but I would have excluded the one who was ill from the church and had a party at our house for any forewarned person who wanted to come. My mother has said she believes that I should apologise to them for letting them down in that we were not there as godparents on the day. I don't know who was!

Anyway, I'm deeply upset by this. I love my family but I do not like them at all and I believe they have a real superiority complex when it comes to how they behave and how they expect to be treated. When my children had chicken pox, I did not take them out of the house, even to the supermarket until the spots had all scabbed over, I think this was about day 5 and I remember being up the wall stuck at home! I stand by what I said and I felt that I had to stick up for what I believe to be right, but I cannot believe the reaction of our parents to this selfishness. I sincerely hope that any unsuspecting family or perhaps elderly person, maybe chemotherapy patient, was not in that restaurant on Sunday. I will not be apologising for the stance I have taken, AIBU???

user1471451564 Thu 23-Mar-17 10:24:57

No. You are not. They were and are selfish and irresponsible excuses for adults. Chicken pox may well,for many children, be a straightforward childhood illness but for an unlucky few and those who are immunosuppressed and adults who have simply never had it it can be a singuarly horrible and devasting illness to have.

Underthemoonlight Thu 23-Mar-17 10:29:51

I wouldn't take my child if they had chicken pox out but you could have easily went for the ceremony and sat else where and didn't attend the lunch afterwards I think you both been unreasonable on both sides

SlummyMummyof3 Thu 23-Mar-17 10:33:50

But as I understand it, chicken pox spreads through the air? And contaminated surfaces such as the pew, the toilet seat in the ladies, etc?

Also, for them one of the main points of the day was that their sick daughter be allowed to play with our youngest son who is just four weeks younger. Practically, we would never have been able to keep them apart in the same room.

Screwinthetuna Thu 23-Mar-17 10:34:42

My husband and I are married to each other's younger sibling

What does this mean, I can't get my head around it. You and your husband and brother and sister???

In regards to the chicken pox situation, of course they were being unreasonable taking their child with chicken pox out in public, surely everyone knows that.
However, they aren't the first and they won't be the last and when one of your children are the contagious ones, people tend not to give a damn about other people's catching it.

Screwinthetuna Thu 23-Mar-17 10:34:55

Are **

RiversrunWoodville Thu 23-Mar-17 10:39:47

No I don't think ywbu chicken pox can have serious complications in certain cases as user says and to take the child to the restaurant where other people would not have been forewarned is inexcusable. I also think that your parents should be considering other people too

SlummyMummyof3 Thu 23-Mar-17 10:44:17

I have a younger sister who married this bloke.

A couple of years later I married the bloke's elder brother.

Sounds awful doesn't it?!

corythatwas Thu 23-Mar-17 10:45:01

What Rivers said. It's not just about you and your son; it's about anyone the child might come in contact with in that restaurant or in that church. How do you even know the vicar isn't immuno-compromised or (if female) pregnant? Chicken pox is very contagious. If unlucky, you can even catch it twice.

When dd caught chickenpox we were staying with relatives abroad, We re-booked our tickets and extended our stay because it simply did not seem right to take her on an aeroplane. That did involve a lot of inconvenience and some expense, but better that than somebody else ending up hospitalised or losing a child.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Thu 23-Mar-17 10:48:36

Just out of curiosity do all the dc look similar?

BathshebaDarkstone Thu 23-Mar-17 10:50:01

I had to take DD out when she had chickenpox, or we wouldn't have had food. But not to a christening or anything.

Mumzypopz Thu 23-Mar-17 11:01:44

You are correct, there is no way they should have taken that child out in public. The very fact that they rang to tell you in the first place shows thatthey know that. Adults who have had chicken pox can often get shingles, which is a very very painful disease. Anyone can get chicken pox twice.

Screwinthetuna Thu 23-Mar-17 11:14:07

I seeeeee. I like that, your kids could be so close!

Toobloodytired Thu 23-Mar-17 11:26:53

Not much to say about the chicken pox sorry!

However, my twin aunties had children with 2 brothers.

The children are simply cousins on both sides of the family & all share the same grandparents

It's not weird though

SlummyMummyof3 Thu 23-Mar-17 11:33:03

Our children do look more alike than your average cousins I suppose, as the gene pool is reduced. Curiously, we don't actually look much like our siblings!

ClaireH26 Thu 23-Mar-17 11:38:59

Just wanted to say, groups of siblings marrying groups of siblings was very common back in the day, the children from these marriages are known as double cousins, and are more closely genetically related than normal cousins, more comparable to siblings! It's very cool, what a shame you're not closer.

Anyway, with regards to your OP, no unholy are definitely NOT unreasonable, no way would I take a tiny baby somewhere I knew there was infectious chicken pox. They are so in the wrong- it can be horrendous for some people including for pregnant women it's very dangerous.

ClaireH26 Thu 23-Mar-17 11:42:04

Oh sorry, I thought you said your son was 4 weeks old! You're still not being unreasonable though

NotCitrus Thu 23-Mar-17 11:49:14

Shame you don't get on better - my sets of double cousins get on amazingly.

YANBU at avoiding chicken pox, though if a child hasn't had it by 5 I would strongly consider having them vaccinated as it's nastier when older.

ARumWithAView Thu 23-Mar-17 11:53:56

My husband and I are married to each other's younger sibling.

Wouldn't you say 'our younger siblings are married to each other'? The other sentence implies to me that you're married to your husband's younger brother, and your husband is married to your younger sister. Which is impossible, or at least a good idea for a new reality TV show.

My grandmother's brother married my grandfather's sister. Sounds dodgy, but there's nothing wrong with it (until the double cousins it creates start intermarrying, in which case the gene pool is getting decidedly shallow).

Oh, and YANBU. WTF are people so awful and inconsiderate about chickenpox?

kimann Thu 23-Mar-17 11:58:16

sorry - i am completely lost at My husband and I are married to each other's younger sibling.

with regards to your op: no, YANBU. Your sister is.

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