to not pick DS up

[AIBYOU]

So DS (who has Aspergers and is Y10) announces on Monday that he has been invited to meal at friend's house tonight prior to sporting event tomorrow. 'Ok where is it?' Don't know. Tuesday still no address. Could be anywhere within several hundred square miles (private school so large catchment) So today he goes to school. No contact, we phone & SMS, etc., no reply.

Eventually DS calls at 8:30pm from landline. Apparently his mobile not working (he obviously could have called at say 6:30pm to let us know what was going on and what time things were finishing but this behaviour is not exactly unexpected from him). He's around 20 miles away. I give directions home (short walk to bus stop on different road, then bus every 10 minutes, then train then walk from station to our house.

I call back 2 minutes later as apparently buses are being diverted due to roadworks to say I'll call a taxi to the station from their house, as there's no reasonable public transport route. But somebody's already taking him to the station, which is around 15 minutes drive from their house. Apparently they didn't know about the bus diversions but didn't think it was a good idea for him to be looking for buses when he doesn't know the area.

Anyway, DW says IABU to not just go and pick him up and they shouldn't be put out dropping him off. AIBU?

[Occadodo]

Go and pick up your vulnerable son!

[Aliveinwanderland]

I think I would have collected him, but you know your son better than anyone else.

With Aspergers I would worry about him navigating unfamiliar public transport on his own in the dark. But only you know how capable of this he is.

[SoftSheen]

Yes YABU! Stop being so mean and go and pick up your son!

[TheCakes]

So you didn't know where he was before he went? I'd have put my foot down and said he couldn't go if he couldn't tell me where he was going and how he was getting home.
But now he's there and he's rung for a lift, yes, I'd have gone for him. It's dark, cold, rainy and three different modes of transport. I wouldn't fancy that tonight for myself.

[spanieleyes]

I wouldn't have let my son ( also with Aspergers) do any complex journey alone that he hasn't tried out before with guidance as he gets very stressed with new situations. He simply wouldn't have coped with walk/bus/train/walk unless he was familiar with the journey. So, no I would have collected him from a friends house ( except he never had any friends with a house to collect him from

[AIBYOU]

The area where his school is a bit away from the main train line, so there's a fairly standard route which is to get a bus to the mainline train station and then get the train from there to where we live (which goes about every 10 minutes).

So he has used that train route before and knows how to navigate the station and which station. But obviously didn't know the specific bus stop which was about 1/4 of a mile away from these people's house.

[witsender]

Why did you let him go without knowing where to?! That's bonkers!

[spanieleyes]

I think I would have been so happy if my son had had a friend who would actually invite him home that I would have driven any distance to pick him up!

[llangennith]

Lazy woman! I'd have picked up my son, and did so on many occasions. He doesn't have Aspergers but he's my son.
He's now a father himself and equally caring towards his son.

[kingscrossnoodle]

I would absolutely collect him.

[birdlover1977]

I would collect him without a second's thought. That journey sounds daunting for anyone but would be much more difficult for a child with ASD. I'm a mum of two boys with ASD. So yes YABU in my opinion.

[AIBYOU]

"So you didn't know where he was before he went? I'd have put my foot down and said he couldn't go if he couldn't tell me where he was going and how he was getting home."

Well no. He only told us on Monday, and we asked on Tuesday and he said his friend hadn't messaged him to tell him yet.

I said 'well what area is it, surely you know that?' but he just repeated that he hadn't been given the address and hadn't asked the suburb.

I didn't want to pick him up partly because I didn't want him hanging round there if they wanted to close things down and partly because I didn't want him to think he could just let us know that he's 20 miles away and needs to be picked up NOW and next time would need to give us address & approximate time.

But obviously we don't want people to think they have to drop him off places. And as spanieleyes alludes to he doesn't really get invited places anyway, so it's not ideal either way.

[AIBYOU]

"Why did you let him go without knowing where to?! That's bonkers!"

It was supposed to be a whole-team bonding type thing. It would be a bit odd if he was the only one who wasn't there.

[ohtheholidays]

YABVU!

2 of our 5DC are autistic and there is no way me or my DH would make one of them do that journey,hell even they're older brothers 20 and 18 would have picked them up rather than leave them to sort it out themselves!

[counterpoint]

Unbelievably callous parenting.

[AIBYOU]

He's already home now

[witsender]

Well yes, but he's 10! I'm just amazed at you not seeming bothered about where he was going.

[ceeveebee]

Witsender he's year 10, not 10yo!

I still think you should have collected him though

[LovingLola]

Glad he is home. And yes, you were unreasonable not to go and pick him up.

[MrsEvadneCake]

You should have collected him.

[KirstyJC]

Year 10, not 10 years old. That means 14-15 years old, likely to be able to get a bus if familiar with them probably. He obviously made it back OK in the end.

[DragonFire99]

He's YEAR 10, witsender. That is 15-16.

[birdlover1977]

Year 10 is 14/15 years old, but I would still pick him up regardless.

[ComputerUserNumptyTwit]

He's in year 10, wits - chances are he's 15 already.

I admit to limited experience and knowledge of Asperger's, but assume OP that you know your son and you know how it effects him. I am sitting firmly on the fence!