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To think that depression is seriously fucking misunderstood?

(72 Posts)
loverofchoc Wed 22-Mar-17 20:25:03

This is a very sensitive subject for me so forgive me if I'm overreacting. angry

But AIBU to say that the way our society views depression is absolutely fucked up big time? I'm not blaming anyone by the way.

I've been severely depressed, on and off, since I was about 13. And I mean severely depressed, suicide attempts, barely able to move because I was so drained of energy, etc. With antidepressants and the right therapy I largely feel better, but I still have occasional depressive episodes and am generally prone to extreme sadness. sad Over the years this is something I have learnt to accept and I've got good at coping with it. (My depression leads to anxiety too).

A lot of people are wonderfully supportive and great. halo But the amount of times I've heard that 'people just need to stop being depressed' 'I'm so depressed that I lost my favourite pen' 'depressives must stop moaning', and the like.

Today, I heard my DS, 12, and a few of his friends complaining about how one of their teachers was so crap and needed to stop being depressed. shock

Very few people understand that depression is an illness, it's debiliting, it's life limiting, it's really totally crap.

AIBU to say that the way our society views depression is fucked up?

Wando1986 Wed 22-Mar-17 20:28:30

Many people understand exactly what it is, what it's like and exactly how life fucking it can be.

But you might not realise that, because we don't wear it like a badge. We just fucking get on with it.

MadMags Wed 22-Mar-17 20:29:54

If I'm being honest, I think the severity has been diluted by so many people claiming to have it and, dare I say it, so many GPs diagnosing it!

loverofchoc Wed 22-Mar-17 20:31:42

Wando1986 Like I said, some people are wonderful and really understand and appreciate the difficulties of depression.

Some aren't and don't seem to get it.

Soubriquet Wed 22-Mar-17 20:31:50

It's hard.

I've just gone back on my antidepressants after being off them for a good period.

I felt so down and lifeless. Had no motivation to do anything. Didn't want to do anything and couldn't stop crying.

I've been on them 3 days and already feel so much better

loverofchoc Wed 22-Mar-17 20:33:32

Soubriquet Lovely to find someone with similar struggles. flowers

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Wed 22-Mar-17 20:34:22

YANBU.

The true meaning has been totally diluted by people saying things like I'm so depressed that x team lost.

Of course true depression is not identical across people either and it can be a debilitating life long illness, with very little help available.

loverofchoc Wed 22-Mar-17 20:36:45

ItsAllGoingToBeFine you've summed things up perfectly for me. That's exactly what I meant. No, I've wanted to scream at various people so many times, you are not depressed because there weren't any cheese and onion crisps in the new agents.

loverofchoc Wed 22-Mar-17 20:37:09

Meant newsagents, of course!

Meekonsandwich Wed 22-Mar-17 20:37:16

The attitudes of some people are disgusting. People cannot empathise with what they haven't been through, but some bloody sympathy surely. People don't go round calling people with cancer "lazy and they should Just get a grip" mainly because of all the education that is available on it.

I have depression, anxiety and schizophrenia and my own mother (who has been through depression!!!) Said to pull my socks up and get on with it and it was time to stop letting little things get to me. I was shocked and angry and hurt.

She also told me that "she couldn't get up in the mornings on antidepressants"
Me: yes I'm finding it very difficult to wake up before 12.
Her: yeah you're just lazy. Time to start getting up on time.

Wow!!! So you take 1 tablet and oh gosh you can't get up for work! I take 4!!! And yes we'll you're just lazy.

It's so easy for someone to judge.do not take it to heart and educate those who want to listen.

Can't argue with stupid.

bibbitybobbityyhat Wed 22-Mar-17 20:37:46

I think most reasonably intelligent people understand that depression is a terrible illness.

You can legitimately say that something is depressing without minimising or dismissing that, though.

Gingernaut Wed 22-Mar-17 20:39:38

My favourite one is

"But what have you got to be depressed about?"

Well, nothing, anything and everything.

People accept that there is bipolar where a sufferer's mood swing up and down with or without a reason, so why won't people accept that someone's mood could swing low and remain low for long periods of time?

loverofchoc Wed 22-Mar-17 20:40:07

Meekonsandwich it's dreadful.

bibbitybobbityhat but the difficulties caused by Tescos being out of bread is incomparable to the difficulties caused by depression.

Happyhippy45 Wed 22-Mar-17 20:40:25

Yes, I think it is severely misunderstood. I think all mental illnesses are.
I didn't understand/know much about mental illness until my daughter developed anorexia about 8 years ago. Since then I have developed anxiety myself and suffer from depression......I do function reasonably well but it's not easy and I often avoid going out/doing things because of it.
My daughter suffers from OCD which is another one that folks claim to have......with no clue of what it actually is. Or say shit like "Oh I'm so OCD." Really? You're so obsessive compulsive disorder?

I was speaking to my mum about her friend who suffers from depression and was trying to explain to her why it's difficult for her friend to clean her house/keep on top of things etc. She seemed to take it all on board, then a few minutes later she's speaking to my brother about her friend and they are both in agreement that her friend should just get on with it! My chin hit the floor.
There's no excuse not to be informed. There's loads of info out there, on the tv, social media etc

BillSykesDog Wed 22-Mar-17 20:43:28

I think the thing is, that if people are presenting with what they say are depressive illnesses then the GPS have to assume that they have, otherwise they may end up sending away people who genuinely need help with it back into hell and potential suicide with no help.

I also suffer from it, and I do agree it's very frustrating it's diluted. But I can't see how it can be changed without putting some people at risk:

loverofchoc Wed 22-Mar-17 20:43:33

Happyhippy45 yep. OCD is another prime example of this. People claiming they're 'so OCD' for double checking that their phone is on silent. I'm so sorry to hear of you and your DD's struggles. flowers

MorrisZapp Wed 22-Mar-17 20:43:44

Look, depression is a word with two meanings. So 'God, look at those people supporting Trump, how depressing' is fine and valid.

So is 'I've not been well lately, I have depression'.

It's a word to describe a mood and an illness, as is anxiety. 'I'm really anxious about my driving test' is fine, as is 'I can't do x activity, it triggers my anxiety'.

I've had a one off blast of severe depression and anxiety, I know what those illnesses are like. But I also know the moods those words can also describe.

MaudLyn Wed 22-Mar-17 20:44:59

YANBU

fassone Wed 22-Mar-17 20:50:31

YANBU.
It's far easier to imagine what a physical pain or illness feels like.

Years ago I 'thought' I could imagine what depression felt like. I couldn't, as I discovered when I was clobbered with bad PND.

I think it's impossible for some people to truly understand how horrific it can be. That's why they say suicide is selfish....

kierenthecommunity Wed 22-Mar-17 20:59:40

My daughter suffers from OCD which is another one that folks claim to have......with no clue of what it actually is. Or say shit like "Oh I'm so OCD." Really? You're so obsessive compulsive disorder?

I was going to post similar. I know of a young person with OCD who has lost jobs because of it, as they are seen as too slow and pedantic due to triple checking everything. Drives me bananas when someone uses it becusse they get antsy due to one tile being out of line or something.

True depression must be hellish, I can't say I understand it as I've been lucky enough not to get it, but I'd like to hope I'm empathetic towards it

GinSwigmore Wed 22-Mar-17 21:05:07

Wando why was your response so aggressive? confused
Being a competitive depressive does not bloody help. hmm
I, too, "fucking get on with it" whatever that means, but I empathise with those that cannot. I've had days weeks like that. For someone who has been there, I assume you have been there, your attitude is perplexing.

Happyhippy45 Wed 22-Mar-17 21:37:18

Thanks lover
It's been a big learning process. I've always been sympathetic of folks with mental illness, I just didn't understand any of it very well....and possibly was a bit silently judgy.
I suppose a positive in my situation now is I'm a better person for going through all this.....

OddBoots Wed 22-Mar-17 21:43:45

I have noticed an increase in people describing themselves as clinically depressed rather than using the word depressed alone. I guess that is to clarify that they don't just feel a bit disappointed in the crisp option ( to use your example).

MorrisZapp Wed 22-Mar-17 21:46:59

The only way mentally healthy people could fully grasp what depression feels like is to experience it themselves. I had no clue until it happened to me. It's just not realistic to expect people to have knowledge of something so remote from their experience and so fiendishly hard to describe or quantify.

My DP for instance was kind and helpful throughout my illness but to this day, he doesn't understand it. He doesn't need to and I hope he never knows the pain.

PacificDogwod Wed 22-Mar-17 21:49:07

'Depression' is a very overused word - "My horse lost at the last hurdle, I am so depressed' - Naw, love, you're disappointed/pissed off/out of pocket but that feeling is not depression.

Depression gets both over- and under diagnosed, and yes, is poorly understood.
It is FAR more serious and debilitating that 'just' sadness and affects all sorts of aspects of life.

I think that as a society we have become less resilient to life's 'normal' knocks and are more likely to blame 'depression' when we are upset/unhappy/stressed; sometimes because a medical label seems more acceptable than tackling whatever the underlying cause is.
Otoh so many depressed people do not seek help because they feel they 'should not feel like this' and feel bad about feeling bad iyswim.

OP, YAsoNBU thanks

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