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(21 Posts)
DancingDora Wed 22-Mar-17 10:37:56

I've had to name change for this as it could be identifying with other posts and threads.

I'm prepared to be told that I'm being unreasonable. I just need some help to see why. I'll try not to drip feed so it might be a bit long.

So, I'm in my late 20's with DS who is 2. I started university when I was 21 and am due to graduate in July. I had to drop out during my second year due to medical reasons and it took me a few years to get back on track and the birth of DS before I returned.

This year has been particularly hard, as well as dealing with a toddler and a dissertation there have been family bereavements on both mine and DH's side, DH lost his job and I almost had to drop out again and get a full time job and DS had to have major surgery meaning I had to miss a large chunk of uni while he as recovering. I'm finally catching up and now I have my graduation date there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

For the graduation ceremony, I can get 3 tickets. So one would be for DH and the other two for my parents. When I got the date I called my mum to ask if she could get it off work and she said she's book it off and get my dad to too. My dad went to university when he was in his late 30's and now has a really good job thanks to all the hard work he put in. He's always encouraged me to study and has been there when I needed someone to proof read for me or just give me advice. He text me to say he was looking forward to it and asked me to find somewhere we can go afterwards for a celebratory meal.

This weekend we had a family party to go to. Whilst there my aunty came over to talk to my mum and dad and asked if they had booked a holiday yet. My mum said that they'd booked one the day before and where they were going. I later asked when they were going and she said that they're going the day of my graduation. She said "I checked my leave in work on Friday and I'd already booked that day off for some reason so me and your dad decided to book it for then." I laughed, assuming she was just winding me up and said "That's funny, DH has that day booked off too!" When she suggested we come on holiday with them DH laughed and said "Yeah, I'd rather be sunning myself than at your boring graduation!" We both laughed but my mum's face dropped. It turns out that they actually have booked the holiday for that day and had both completely forgot about it.

Now I know it's just a day and I'd never dream of suggesting they cancel the holiday just so they can come but is it unreasonable of me to be really annoyed that they both forgot about it and then when booking didn't even think of double checking as they were told earlier this year that it would be around that time? DH has said that we'll do something just the three of us which will be lovely. I'm just upset that they went to both my brother, sister and sister in law's graduation and they wont be at mine. I know so many people struggle to get through university but I think that I've had quite a journey to get here and am disappointed that it doesn't seem as important to them.

I've never had a day that was just "for me". My brother got married on my 21st birthday and my sister had my eldest niece on my 18th birthday (I woke up to an empty house and a note on the door saying "Had to go the hospital, S is in labour. Will call to keep you updated" followed by a text saying happy birthday after a few hours!). Even my wedding day was overshadowed by my sister in law who decided to announce her pregnancy that morning when putting the bridesmaid dress on! I've never been bothered by any of that, I even spent half the time getting my wedding dress on crying with SIL as I was so happy for her to finally be pregnant and I loved being a bridesmaid for SIL and DB and was so excited at becoming an aunty.

I just thought that this could be a day where I spend time with my parents and DH where the main reason to celebrate was , well, me! I know that sounds a bit childish!

Doyouwantabrew Wed 22-Mar-17 10:41:17

No it doesn't love at all.

If I was your mum I would reschedule my holiday and maybe that's what they are trying to do right now.

Well done you should be so proud of yourself and your dh sounds lovely.

Just sending you flowers

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Wed 22-Mar-17 10:41:55

You are not being childish for wanting recognition for all your hard work. .
Take your dh with you and have a lovely day. . Hopefully your dm and df holiday will be tarnished with guilt!!
Congratulations on your success!!

LizzieMacQueen Wed 22-Mar-17 10:46:51

It sounds like they genuinely forgot.

How are they travelling to their holiday? If they have already paid for flights then it's unlikely they'll change them.

DancingDora Wed 22-Mar-17 10:49:38

Thank you for your replies. I'm glad that I'm not being over sensitive.

DH suggested yesterday that we book a holiday for the week after graduation which sounds like a very good plan! He said that they'll feel awful about it but I wouldn't expect them to change their holiday. I know it was just a mistake but I can't believe that my mum wouldn't question why she had the day booked and that dad didn't remember either!

Lapinlapin Wed 22-Mar-17 10:51:48

No, you don't sound childish at all. I think you've done amazingly well to get your degree after all the setbacks. Well done you. flowers
Many many people would have given up. I really hope your family is very proud of you because they should be.

Do you think your dm feels bad and might consider changing the holiday?

You definitely deserve a day where it's all about you for a change.

DingyDillDong Wed 22-Mar-17 11:23:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaulAnkaTheDog Wed 22-Mar-17 11:44:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Allthebestnamesareused Wed 22-Mar-17 12:04:46

What about booking something for when they get back on a Sunday for instance such as an afternoon tea to celebrate your graduation? That way you can have 2 days that celebrate your achievements!

Well done to you. It sounds like you have been through a rough time. As a former mature student myself (who had a toddler) it is worth the hard work. flowers

Hillarious Wed 22-Mar-17 12:06:58

Might your in-laws have the spare tickets?

mmgirish Wed 22-Mar-17 12:19:07

Oh dear that is disappointing for you. I would be hurt about this too. Try and have a lovely day with your son and dh. Congratulations on working hard to get through a degree during such difficult circumstances. That's an amazing achievement.

yellowfrog Wed 22-Mar-17 12:28:46

They really should cancel their holiday as your graduation is a massive deal.

grannytomine Wed 22-Mar-17 12:53:46

It amazes me that parents would do this. I was a senior HR manager before I retired and I have gone to graduations for staff who had no one going. I've been to so many graduations, my 4 kids and work and they are such an important day.

What about someone else who is close? Best friend, sibling, in laws? I went to one graduation where a little one like yours attended, mum had made him a cap and gown and he looked lovely, stole the show.

I really hope you have a wonderful day.

StudentMum92 Wed 22-Mar-17 13:02:58

You are NOT being unreasonable at all!

I'm currently in my second year of uni having had my first DC last year! I suffer with PND and anxiety and I too have had a family bereavement and DP struggling with his job. These next 18 months will be the hardest of my life and if my parents were not there at the end of it to see me graduate I'd be devastated.

Well done OP, juggling university, motherhood and everyday scenarios is so hard, not many people understand the struggle! You've done fantastic!! flowers

MatildaTheCat Wed 22-Mar-17 13:03:13

I hardly think th OP should be booking afternoon tea for a family celebration after the parents return. They should be making amends, not her.

OP, you are rightly upset but I hope you won't allow it to fester and spoil a landmark occasion. Take someone else if there is somebody else more appreciative who will celebrate with you. I wouldn't create a rift but I also wouldn't bend over backwards to make them feel ok about this. They've really cocked up.

cavatron Wed 22-Mar-17 13:29:27

You poor thing. Sending hugs as that isn't nice at all - unintentional, I know, but it is such an important day. Do the University stream it online? I know ours did. Could they watch that way? Not the same I know. X

5foot5 Wed 22-Mar-17 13:36:18

YANBU That is really crap of them.
My DD graduates this year and wild horses wouldn't keep me away.
Congratulations on your achievement

Coastalcommand Wed 22-Mar-17 13:43:24

What do you want to defer your graduation? You obviously still have your certificate but the ceremony itself can be deferred to later in the year. My friend was ill around graduation time and the University had another ceremony in October , which she was able to attend.

VenusOfWillendorf Wed 22-Mar-17 14:07:09

YABU at all. This is a very big deal, and I'd be very upset too in your place. I don't think you can (or sound like you are going to) ask your parents to change, but if they to offer don't dissuade them.
Assuming they don't change their plans, do make sure you have someone else there too - either in-laws if close, siblings, cousins, close friends. And congratulations smile

sonjadog Wed 22-Mar-17 14:29:03

I think it is really crap of them. I would be upset, but I probably wouldn't make a fuss about it. I hope they try to rebook though.

SailAwaySailAwaySailAway Wed 22-Mar-17 14:34:21

I'm a numpty so I could easily have forgotten why I'd booked the day. On the other hand, I'd cancel the holiday and lose every penny rather than miss my kid's graduation.

Says a woman who's sweating on DC2 telling her that he's actually been invited to his and who is crossing her fingers like mad.

You've done so well. I'd be really proud if you were my DC.

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