To feel pissed off with the way things are

[AprilTheGiraffe]

I probably am. I feel angry just now. This will probably be inarticulate nonsense because I'm tired but I know what I'm trying to say...

I have a growing bugbear about work being such a dominant aspect of my life and the lives of people in general. We spend so much of our time there. Not enough holidays, not enough time, not enough hours in the day.

I feel like everyone I know is stressed out, skint, unhappy. Life is just dominated by work. Shite bosses who don't want to understand. Commuting in bad traffic. Unpaid overtime (or being penalised and put at the bottom of the pile because you have kids in nursery and can't do it, like me). Not being able to stop worrying or thinking about it when you get home.

Housework when you can squeeze it in. Drudgery on top of fucking drudgery. Not enough hours in the day. Brexit. Independence. Just pressure and worry from everywhere. I wish it would all just fuck off and leave me alone.

Of course I'm sure not everyone feels this way and it's just me. I'm going through a phase just now where I'm very unhappy in my job. I am going on mat leave in a few months and I don't want to go back. But for various reasons I am utterly trapped with nowhere else to go and we can't afford for me to stay at home. So I have no option but to stay put and keep going.

I want to start up my own business but I can't because I simply don't have time. Workload at actual work is so heavy that I need to work a lot of nights once DD is asleep to keep up (I reduced my hours when I had DD and whilst my time in the office and lay reduced accordingly, my workload didn't). If I'm not doing that, I'm doing housework.

[MrsTwix]

If you have reduced your hours and pay, you need to reduce your workload, do you have a union rep? Can you talk to your manager or HR? Stand up for yourself.

[highinthesky]

It sounds to me like your OH needs a kick up the arse.

Either he gets more ambitious in the workplace and earns a higher wage, or he helps you out at home. Or indeed both.

[Itisnoteasybeingdifferent]

YABR...

There is indeed much to be pissed off about. The never ending hassle.

[BoboChic]

It sounds as if your life is one long slog, OP.

[AprilTheGiraffe]

My OH does plenty and has a good job. He has an interview for promotion this week which he's worked really hard for (pay rise but not a ground breaking one). But we have a mortgage to pay, debts, bills, his salary would cover our outgoings but would leave us with no disposable income. We need a new car. The house desperately needs work. If I stay at home, we won't be able to do those things.

I have been really unwell during this pregnancy and he has picked up all of the slack on top of his own workload. We are going through a phase just now where we are both under a lot of pressure at work and at home and we are doing our best. I'm fairly sure this will pass but it's hard.

It's so hard to explain re work. My job is very competitive. If I start to kick up a fuss about workload, i will be penalised eg passed over for promotion. My career is already a mess because I've had the temerity to have a child and try not to put it before them. There must be people out there who know what i mean by this

I couldn't even take time off sick because the work would just be waiting for me (with more on top of it) when I got back. It would just make everything worse.

[Zafodbeeblbrox10]

Sorry to put a downer on things but life is only set to get worse, and even the middle classes will endure hardship. Blame greedy corporations, handing trillions of taxpayers £ to private banks, the ensuing austerity, public ignorance and apathy, government stooges not representing the interests of the general population as they are supposed to. Sorry to be a doom monger but unless there is a massive shift in people's perception of reality, and abandonment of the "I'm alright jack" attitude, then I think we're in trouble.

[AnyFucker]

I hear you, sister

[LilacSpatula]

Perhaps, and this is meant with nothing but kindness, try writing down what you do want your life to look like.

Maybe you need to distance yourself mentally from work to see that there are other jobs out there?

[TheGirlOnTheLanding]

It's not just you. ---- Here's to better times ahead.

[icelollycraving]

I feel much the same!

[FarAwayHills]

I understand how you feel OP and I believe many people are in this position. There are many families slogging their guts out and just and just about managing. How we will all fair on the Brexit rollercoaster, who knows but it is a worry. Our PM talked a lot about helping l JAMs but I've yet to see any action.

I have also been in the position of doing a full time job in part time hours and it is incredibly stressful. I think it's a well known fact that employers, particularly smaller ones keep costs down by doing this. All I can say is talk to your employers and try to get them to change things.

It's depressing and stressful so know and even more so when there is no light and the end of the tunnel just Brexit and uncertainty.

[MoosicalDaisy]

Maybe you can look into starting your own business while on Mat leave, maybe even take it ASAP if you have faith it will pan out if the hours are put in

[WotsitWig]

I hear you, OP

[plominoagain]

I was saying almost exactly this with a colleague yesterday . Work wise there is absolutely no chance of anything improving . Compulsory overtime because people have literally been running away from work and we have not enough left to get the job done . Driving 4 hours a day to get to work. Compulsory fitness which means having to keep up a fitness regime and fitting that in . Sitting every month with a payslip in one hand and a calculator in the other . Endless letters from various schools wanting this or that . Oh I hear you .

What would I give sometimes to throw it all up in the air . My commuting is fillled with dreaming of lottery wins .

[HermioneJeanGranger]

I have to say, I've never felt like this, but then I live in a pretty cheap area of the country, my commute to work is a ten minute walk and I've never been set on having a career or a job that requires me to work stupid hours for little to no compensation.

DP and I earn maybe 25k between us. We're both on just above minimum wage, we own a 2-bed house, have a dirt-cheap mortgage and neither of us work more than 40 hours a week, and any overtime is paid overtime. I've never worked for free. I live on the outskirts of the Lake District, five minutes from the ocean.

I think if you live and work in an expensive area of the country, then the reality is long hours, long commutes and big bills, unfortunately. But not everyone lives like that and I think a lot of it comes down to career choice and wanting to live near family/near London/near the cities.

[AprilTheGiraffe]

I live in Scotland, and not in the central belt. It's not a massively expensive place to live, although we've chosen a slightly more expensive suburb because the schools are miles better than in our nearest city.

But because we aren't on the central belt, job opportunities in our field (DH and I do the same thing, hence the fact we're both under stress) are very limited. I'm actually lucky to have been able to go part time, ironically.

[Judydreamsofhorses]

I hear you too. I'm under more and more pressure at work because of funding cuts, and it's driving me into the ground. My DP got made redundant last year, and hasn't been able to find anything else, despite applying for hundreds of posts (he's not even had interviews for minimum wage jobs, which is soul destroying but expected because he's massively over-qualified) and it feels like things might never get any better. Both of us are stressed and suffering from anxiety/depression about the situation at home, and I'm struggling with work related stress, plus carrying two people on one salary. If one more person says to me, "at least you don't have kids" I may kill them.

[Hellmouth]

It really isn't just you, I feel the same way! I feel like I hardly have any quality time for my family or to pursue hobbies. Every day is a bit of a struggle :(

[makeourfuture]

Sorry to be a doom monger

Absolutely. The conditions are clear. A small segment of the population is benefiting - a few more do well enough to provide a vanguard.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

I do sympathise - I think life is pretty expensive, especially when you consider commuting and childcare. I wasn't trying to say that you feel that way solely because of your choices - I just think certain careers are guaranteed to mean long hours and considerable amounts of stress, and that you can, to an extent, "choose" a less stressful path by picking a "job" over a career, by living in a cheap area etc etc.

That's not to say living where I do is perfect - we're a long way from big cities, it's 40 minutes to the nearest A&E, for example. Our town has little in the way of amenities and shops, which wouldn't suit a lot of people. A car is a must and public transport is unreliable and expensive.

But the flip side is it's cheap to buy and rent here, we have incredible scenery, the cost of living is low compared to even 40 minutes down the road, there are plenty of jobs and because rent etc. isn't expensive, you can survive on minimum wage.

It wouldn't suit everyone, though.

[MrsBrew005]

I hear you... just a day wuthout constant worry would be amazing. I wonder what sort of life my children will have to live. Because this work family balance is rubbish. The worlds a mess!!

[TheSparrowhawk]

Wow. Either you're depressed, in which case you could do with some counselling/medication or you're an incredibly entitled whinger. Stress is hard, work is hard, kids are hard, that's life. But there are people in the world who have no water, who are starving to death. You can change your situation, you can find a different job, move to a different location, whatever. You can actually make something of your limited time so that when you realise your time is nearly up you can say you did your best to enjoy it. You are unbelievably privileged.Or you can sit and whinge and regret it when you realise your whinging days are coming to an end.

[Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername]

I hear ya OP.

[makeourfuture]

Stress is hard, work is hard, kids are hard, that's life. But there are people in the world who have no water, who are starving to death.

Yes, but these condition are being created by a small segment of the population. Take a look and inequality rates over the last two decades.

[EpoxyResin]

Um, Sparrowhawk, you do realise that just because there are people in the world who are starving to death, that doesn't make it okay that our society requires a joy-sapping level of stress and frustration don't you? I mean competitive out-doing of each other's troubles, that's not how it works.

Stress is hard, work is hard, kids are hard; we're allowed to express that and wonder aloud if perhaps things shouldn't be easier for citizens of a civilised society - got it?