Feeling a bit lost and low

[Pariswhenitdrizzles]

Hi everyone,

I've name changed for this - hope it's okay.

Just wanted to post to ask for some advice and a hand-hold really, if that's alright.

I had a nice evening tonight, so feeling a bit happier today, but have been feeling fairly down recently. I've been feeling upset and low for a few months as I resigned from a job around Christmas time that I was finding particularly pressured and stressful. I feel a lot happier and more relaxed since resigning, so I do feel I've made the right decision, but still feel like I'm recovering from the pressures of the job.

I've also been looking for work since resigning, and have found some on-off tutoring work and temping work, which I'm grateful for, but also looking for more permanent work to feel a bit more financially secure. This work situation is probably also contributing to the low mood, although I'm really grateful that I'm also getting careers support through an NHS talking therapy treatment that I'm following.

I think that's what added to my low mood is some of the circumstances around my current situation and the job that I resigned from. Around six years ago, when I was in my final year of school, one of my closest friends took her own life. It hit me incredibly hard at the time. This crossed my mind again today, as it's now coming up to the anniversary - mid-April time. In the job that I resigned from, one of the people in another department also took his own life just weeks after I started. I hadn't really spoken to him very much, but felt absolutely shocked and stunned by it. It brought back memories of what happened with my friend at school, and in part the stress perhaps contributed to my decision to resign.

I'm now following a course of NHS online CBT therapy and talking therapy (via telephone) to help me with this and with my low mood, which I think is helping, although I haven't been spending as much on the online course as I should do.

This morning, I had one of the careers support appointment booked - I'd arranged it for 9, as I felt it would help to motivate me and get me out of bed. However, last night, I was feeling particularly low and struggling to get to sleep. I ended up falling asleep last night eventually around 4am or half four, and even though I'd set loads of alarms for this morning, I unfortunately slept through the appointment and woke up just before 10am. I emailed my careers support coach to apologise, and she was very nice about it. She'd contacted me by text and email to check up on me, and is also aware about my circumstances (e.g. job resignation, friend passing away, similar event with colleague passing away recently and my general feelings). I feel really bad about sleeping through the appointment this morning. We've rearranged our appointment for next week, but for the same sort of time - I'm so worried the same sort of thing will happen again. This sounds so pathetic, I know.

Just wanted a bit of a handhold really.

Thanks everyone.

[HelloHouse]

Sounds a really rough time you've been going through!
I think it would be useful to spend some time with friends, maybe join a group/hobby find something to focus on that will bring you happiness and a goal to achieve.
And stop being so hard on yourself!!

[YouOKHun]

Sorry you're struggling OP. I'm a CBT therapist myself and in my opinion online CBT can be helpful with low mood but I wonder if you actually need a more face to face approach and I wonder if, when you were offered on line therapy you were assessed for trauma? It may be that you need any approach more specifically tailored to tackling nightmares and flashbacks (if you have those), or if not maybe some support to help you with your grief or feelings of loss/processing what happened to your friend (which may be better supported by 1:1 counselling, rather than the rather structured approach of CBT). For grief related support CRUSE can be very helpful and offer counselling with counsellors trained specifically to work with grief. You don't sound pathetic you know, you just sound like you're still grappling with something very difficult. Try and be kind to yourself; you slept through an alarm, it's not the end of the world. Xx

[DeriArms]

Lovely post by YouOKHun, spot on. You slept through your alarm - you were tired, it happens. Next week the evening before your appointment, try and arrange your evening so you can do something pleasantly absorbing, relax, take a nice bath etc and remember that sitting there worrying you'll oversleep your alarm again won't help. Myself I put rain/water sounds playlists on Spotify and listen to it in bed before I go to sleep, I find it really helps (loads of playlists on Spotify and free on YouTube). Be kind to yourself!

[Pariswhenitdrizzles]

Thank you so much for your replies Hello, YouOK and Deri. I'll look into speaking to Cruse, I think that would be really helpful. Your suggestion about joining hobbies and seeing friends was great as well Hello - thanks so much. Tried your suggestion as well about listening to relaxing music before going to sleep Deri, and it worked brilliantly - thank you!! :)