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To think regretting having children is almost the norm

(554 Posts)
user1489943514 Tue 21-Mar-17 20:15:29

I've been shocked at how many of my friends (from all different social circumstances) have said if they'd known what was involved in bringing up a child they would never have had one.

Out of my four closest friends all of them, although they love their children and would never give them up, would never have had them had they known the reality of having children.

I have always wanted a child but I'm similar. While I wouldn't want to be childless and look forward to the day my son is an adult, I certainly won't miss these younger years as he gets older. I will look back and wonder how I ever coped!

I think regretting having a child is very very common, and my experience is that while it's not the norm, I don't think it's far from it.

It's just considered very taboo and anyone who discusses their thoughts seems to be labelled as having postnatal depression when in fact they don't.

Aibu to think regretting having children is far more prevalent than is politically correct to say?

TeenAndTween Tue 21-Mar-17 20:17:23

Possibly more prevalent, but I would be surprised if it is anywhere near the 'norm' (as in way over 50%).

We adopted, and I in no way regret it.

EllaHen Tue 21-Mar-17 20:18:15

No, I disagree. Wholeheartedly.

IamFriedSpam Tue 21-Mar-17 20:19:32

I have literally never met anyone who has expressed these views. Your friends sound very far from the average.

BreatheDeep Tue 21-Mar-17 20:20:11

I have no idea but no one I know regrets it. Everyone, including me, says its hard work and there are days you think you'd like some time off, but it's not regret.

bittorrent123 Tue 21-Mar-17 20:20:35

No I disagree too. Bloody hard work but never regret it.

TonaldDrump Tue 21-Mar-17 20:20:37

Not really. In the U.K. there's a funny pattern of relatively high childlessness but also women who do have children going on to have two or three. Different to, say, east European countries where childlessness is unusual but one child families more common.

Basically, if having kids was so crap for so many people, they wouldn't go back for another!

enchantmentandlove Tue 21-Mar-17 20:20:46

Some people may regret having children, but I don't believe it's the 'norm'. I don't regret having dd even when it's hard, and none of my friends have ever said they regret having theirs (at least to me).

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Tue 21-Mar-17 20:21:01

I have 11 and no regrets. .
Not ever.

ThePiglet59 Tue 21-Mar-17 20:22:16

Yes. It's hard work and it's relentless and thankless hard work.
Kids are great once they are older teens/young adults though. I always wished that mine had been born at seven, as I didn't enjoy the 'little' years.

hickorydickorynurseryrhyme Tue 21-Mar-17 20:22:25

I agree it's bloody hard work but no i don't regret having them. They were meant to be and are a part of me.

Platipus Tue 21-Mar-17 20:22:30

Its exhausting. I feel sorry for parents. I would never recommend becoming a parent, its a thankless task. As mine has become older its increasingly become one more fight about screen time, bed times, chores, whatever. Parents have little authority and get little respect, neither do schools. Their is a sweeter time when they're younger for some of us, but even then ...

fessmess Tue 21-Mar-17 20:22:48

Even through the hell
my dd put me through last year, ss thought about fostering her out she was THAT bad. All the sleepless nights, mastitis, teething and tantrums. I have NEVER for one second regretted it. Ever.

user1490123259 Tue 21-Mar-17 20:22:59

never one moment of regret, I think very few people do! I don't think it is "taboo" at all, but very unusual to regret having children. I know maybe one woman who did - but then she decided to have another anyway..

MostIneptThatEverStepped Tue 21-Mar-17 20:23:43

Nope. Never encountered anyone who felt that way. My three are 22, 20 and 17 and I have no idea what I would be without them.

brownmouse Tue 21-Mar-17 20:24:06

I was saying this to DH last night! Why don't they warn you about how much FKing work it will be?!

But we have three teenage girls so we are obviously in an apocalyptic type situation...

Itsnothingoriginal Tue 21-Mar-17 20:24:12

Really shock I haven't ever had that conversation with friends but get no inkling from most of them that they wouldn't have chosen to have kids if they had known the reality of raising then. I definitely would do it all over again willingly!

So I have only just passed the first year mark so I suppose my opinion could change but at the moment, no, I really don't regret having my DD. I purposely waited until I had outgrown the 'all about me' phase to try for a baby

user1490123259 Tue 21-Mar-17 20:24:39

Parents have little authority and get little respect

well, you do if you raise your children to respect you, and acknowledge your authority! I'm very confused by this post!

Platipus Tue 21-Mar-17 20:24:53

I think people who have never come across this view must have led very sheltered lives or never had any close friends!

Sierra259 Tue 21-Mar-17 20:25:02

I don't think it's the norm to truly regret having children. I do believe it's quite normal to miss how your life was in some ways pre-DC, but I don't think too many people would actually change their minds if handed a time machine to go back and make the decision again.

2rebecca Tue 21-Mar-17 20:25:27

I never regretted having kids, but I did do a lot of day long babysitting in school holidays as a teenager so knew how much of your life kids took over so left having kids until my 30s. I think you have to make a start on your career before having kids or it is a lot harder to have that selfish focus for studying. I think serious relationships are best left a while for the same reason.
A good well paid job can help you through a lot of life's crises.

Nospringflower Tue 21-Mar-17 20:25:32

I have never regretted having children and have never heard anyone I know say they regret it. I'm sure some people do but I think they are in the minority.

Platipus Tue 21-Mar-17 20:25:40

If only it were that simple user! I was also talking generally what I see around me.

TheMasterNotMargarita Tue 21-Mar-17 20:25:44

Personally I don't regret having children.
I think the reality is that it is very challenging and many people who desire to have a child might have a rose-tinted view of what it's like.
When the dream and reality don't match I suppose it's one of life's huge eyeopeners for want of a better word.
I know at least one person whose sole focus in life was to have children but now they have had one they won't have any more are they are finding it very hard work. It's not so much regret as shock maybe grin.

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