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To think I could do so much more in life if I only tried harder

(3 Posts)
HmmmHelp Tue 21-Mar-17 18:06:58

I've NC'd for this. Ugh, I need some help.

I can't tell you how much I look up to people who have their own businesses, have completed a Masters degree or higher, have a professional career rather than just a "job", and who seem to know exactly what they want to do with their lives. On top of these successes also come beautifully decorated homes, hobbies, exercise, and fantastic social lives.

To start, I have a beautiful family and I'm very happy in that department. I count my family as the one thing I have done right in life. I do have a degree but I don't really use it. I'm just in a "job" that isn't really going anywhere. I don't have specific vocational skill sets.

I don't know what I want to do in my life, and I'm approaching 30. I have hobbies and interests but I pick them up and drop them all the time. I have a nice home but there are so many things I want to do with it, decoration-wise. I just can't pluck up the energy. My toddler keeps me very busy but loads of people have kids and still manage to get other stuff done, right? I can't and don't want to use that as an excuse.

I am quite impulsive in that I suddenly think I want to write a novel. I start it and then don't finish it. I like researching stuff. I go down a rabbit hole of researching a particular subject then get bored and stop. I like needlework and that's the one thing I stick at more than any other hobby, so that's a plus.

I feel frustrated because I know there's so much more I could be doing with my spare time (ie in the evenings when my DS is asleep) but I don't. It's not always tiredness that's stopping me, sometimes it's just an utter lack of inspiration, motivation and a sense of can't-be-arsedness.

Does anyone know how I can get out of this situation and change things? How do I find out what it is I want to do for my career?

Sorry for the length of this post. blush

fucksakenethuns Tue 21-Mar-17 18:25:19

Careers for life are a rarity these days.

Instead you have a toolbox which you can add to with whatever is useful or you enjoy doing (preferably both!).

So in your toolbox you have, parenting, organising etc, needlework, writing etc.

What tools can you add? Big or small, write a list and start ticking off the smalls, big ones get their own list broken down into manageable tasks to be ticked off as you go.

Look at the toolbox and see what jobs would fit and what wouldn't - is there something you would like to do that requires another tool? If so get working on it!

If there is a small task in the house that needs done and is stopping you getting onto other tasks then outsource - pay someone to come in and do the task or help so you get a nudge along.

If you feel like nothing is doing day to day then keep a diary, I bet you do more than you think you do!

If a novel is too much start with short stories or chapter planning, do a course, join nanowrimo - whatever you need to progress the task.

A word of caution, there is no script, this is it - try to value and make the most of every day instead of fretting it away with could've should've. By all means make plans and move forward but don't be fooled by other people's fakebook profiles. Tina Fey once wrote a great article about jealousy and how to be envious of someone you have to envy everything that ever happened to them good and bad and that is usually not a very palateable thought - she is a smart lady.

Sorry that was a bit long - feeling a bit philosophical today grin

HmmmHelp Tue 21-Mar-17 18:40:44

The toolbox idea is amazing - I think I could actually sit down and make a list of what tools I have, and what I would want to add. My biggest problem is my lack of motivation to pursue my interests, which I really need to work on, but I find it's one of those things that if you haven't got it, you haven't got it.

I started a free creative writing course not that long ago, which I didn't finish. It was small manageable tasks, it's not taking up a lot of time. I started doing it at night when DS was asleep, or during my lunch hour at work. In the end I just couldn't be arsed. And I hate that.

I think I am envious of people with careers, and in particular people who have their own businesses. They worked so, so hard to get where they are, and it's all off their own backs. I have business ideas that I think could actually work, I just lack the motivation and necessary skill sets to make it happen. Basically my ideas might have a chance if someone else took them forward.

Having said that, I think I look at the romanticised version of owning a business, or having a successful career. It's not easy, it's never going to be easy to get to that stage. So maybe I need to stop feeling jealous and start recognising that it's hard work.

Sorry, I'm just moaning now, which I know isn't going to help either. I'll start with the toolbox idea and try to take it step by step rather than look at the bigger picture right now.

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