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To feel he should make effort

(10 Posts)
Vodkamartine Tue 21-Mar-17 17:34:58

had a few difficulties end of last year with a long term friend. both seemed to be at very different stages in our lives. Kept clashing over things pluss she wasn't the nicest to me when things didn't go her way. My boyfriend was always there to pick up the pieces when I was upset with her. She was always half hour late to everything left my birthday early. She wrote to me after months of no contact saying how sorry she was could we meet at talk. She finally settled down with this guy and we talk once a week and meat probably twice a month. I don't have mAny friends either which dosnt help. I keep being invited out on double dates or to events with her and her boyfriend but mine refuses to go. I can understand why he dosnt want to but she's really putting in the effort im not letting her walk all over me either. I'm starting to run out of excuses of why he can't come. He refuses to even come to the cinema he dosnt even have to talk to her. Every time I mention me going out with her he jokes about her cancelling which then puts a downer on my mood aibu to feel he should make the effort once to put his differences aside

ElspethFlashman Tue 21-Mar-17 17:37:25


Nobody should be forced to socialise with someone they despise.

LilacSpatula Tue 21-Mar-17 17:38:16

If he's trying to support you then he's doing it in the wrong way. He needs to respect that you want to see her. If he can't then just tell her why. It's not your fault and you shouldn't have to lie for him.

joanopie Tue 21-Mar-17 18:22:22

If this helps, don't know if it will, My husband and I agreed before we moved in and married we would NEVER make the other go along to an event (including family occasions) if we did not want to. We have been married 27 years and if he does not feel like attending a family party, christening, wedding he doesn't and neither do I. Once or twice people have remarked on this and I have simply explained our agreement. They are incredulous, as it seems almost every couple expect the other to go along regardless of their feelings. We simply respect our right to choose how we spend out time, together and separately. We have NEVER force the other to attend something they did not wish to, and we also make our own apologies and explain why we are not attending - I don't make excuses for him, and vice versa.

Vodkamartine Wed 22-Mar-17 11:02:51

I come to all his events it's just awkward I no I shouldn't have to make excuses for him but I can't exactly say to her he dosnt like you so he's not coming

Hereward1332 Wed 22-Mar-17 11:22:50

You want him to go somewhere he doesn't want to go because someone he doesn't like thinks he should be there. I would really resent that.

You don't need to make excuses - just say he had something else on.

Vodkamartine Wed 22-Mar-17 11:31:26

I can't keep saying he has something on can i how long till she's guessed that he dosnt want to come. a few events We've wanted to go to locally and she's asked us to come with them. now he's refusing to come because she will be there even though we don't have to see her at all. He thinks I will make him see her or it's we bump into her I know either have to third wheel her and her boyfriend or go alone

Hereward1332 Wed 22-Mar-17 11:55:57

Does it really matter if she guesses? It's not as though he has taken an irrational dislike to her. She treated you badly.

If you make him go, he will resent it, be in a bad mood and make everyone miserable. Better to go without him.

Vodkamartine Wed 22-Mar-17 21:05:38

Well it's going to be awkward if she knows he hates her and I can't go unless I third wheel it means that any events this summer I can't do with my boyfriend live in a small town few big events in the area we've planned to go to but won't now because she's going

Vodkamartine Thu 23-Mar-17 08:48:25

He dosnt want to bump into her at all but that really ruins our summer if we can't go to anything together

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