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Who is in the wrong?

(122 Posts)
lucee12 Tue 21-Mar-17 15:28:42

Who is in the wrong? 
My grandad is very ill, he has cancer and is now in a hospice with not long left to live. My cousin has asked him if she could have some of his ashes to have made into a necklace, my grandad said yes and wrote it down on paper "x is to have some of my ashes for a necklace". I've told him that I wouldn't like him split up, and to reconsider so I think he is. I also think she is selfish to even ask him. But now I'm getting called selfish for getting him to reconsider.

Wando1986 Tue 21-Mar-17 15:30:46

You're in the wrong. His ashes, his choice. What a weird thing for you to say to someone/change their mind on.

NavyandWhite Tue 21-Mar-17 15:31:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Soubriquet Tue 21-Mar-17 15:31:57


Your cousin wants a little bit of him and he has agreed

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Tue 21-Mar-17 15:32:36

He didn't mind being split up so you has no right to interfere. .

FrancisCrawford Tue 21-Mar-17 15:32:38

Agree with Wando

It's nothing to do with you. Plus many people chose to scatter their ashes

ElspethFlashman Tue 21-Mar-17 15:32:53

YABU sorry. It's his body, his ashes. Doesn't matter a fig what your opinion is if he's ok with it.

And it's an unseemly thing to be protesting about on his deathbed, tbh. He doesn't need this. Now he's worrying you're going to be pissed off.

Sirzy Tue 21-Mar-17 15:33:00

He has agreed therefore he is happy for that to happen. His wishes should be respected

CaptainHammer Tue 21-Mar-17 15:33:15


HateSummer Tue 21-Mar-17 15:33:19


wigglesrock Tue 21-Mar-17 15:34:10

Yes, you are wrong. I'm desperately trying to imagine the situation where two squabbling grandchildren thought it was appropriate to bring their dying relative into this quarrel but am failing. I think selfish is being quite kind to you both tbh.

ZilphasHatpin Tue 21-Mar-17 15:34:46

It's not up to you. They're not your ashes they're his and he has decided he wants them split and some given to your cousin. Respect his wishes. You decide what to do with you own remains.

KinkyAfro Tue 21-Mar-17 15:35:09

Difficult one. My dad's brother and sister wanted some of his ashes, mum said no. They went to the funeral directors and said mum had given permission to split the ashes, luckily he rang mum to check. This was never discussed brfore he died. But this is a wish of your grandad so should be honoured you YABU

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter Tue 21-Mar-17 15:35:57

Your grandad agreed to it so you'd be unreasonable not to follow out his wish when the times comes.

Your grandad was happy for your cousin to make her necklace and I bet he thought it was a nice gesture so why when his dying did you ask him to reconsider? People do things we don't agree with and guess what his ashes his choice

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece Tue 21-Mar-17 15:36:17

It's his body and his ashes and you've fucking asked him to reconsider?! Are you generally this bloody selfish

sonyaya Tue 21-Mar-17 15:36:28

I understand it's an upsetting situation for you with your granddad being so gravely ill but I don't think you should have for involved, sorry.

RainbowJack Tue 21-Mar-17 15:37:03

I wouldn't like him split up

Way to make it about you hmm


FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers Tue 21-Mar-17 15:37:19

I can't believe that you would make your grandad choose between the wishes of you and your cousin like that.

Utterly selfish behaviour.

How about your cousin and you both concentrate on being there for him and fight it out amongst yourselves and the rest of the family later.

iamavodkadrinker Tue 21-Mar-17 15:37:28

Amazingly OP the world doesn't actually revolve around you.

MadamePomfrey Tue 21-Mar-17 15:37:45

Sorry I agree she asked he had no objections. You should have left it. I do get what you mean about splitting him up but if he wasn't bothered it wasn't your place to say. Now his spending his last few days sorting out a fight between his grandchildren over what happens with his remains sad.

Pinkheart5915 Tue 21-Mar-17 15:37:57

Your cousin asked your grandad if she could turn some of HIS ashes in to a necklace and your grandad said yes, that's the end of it! His ashes his choice and you had no right to go on about him changing his mind

You don't have to agree with it but your grandad has agreed so that's how it is

Gatehouse77 Tue 21-Mar-17 15:38:03

If your granddad is fine with it then so should you be.

Chloe84 Tue 21-Mar-17 15:39:56

YABU, why are you ruining your GD's last days?

What do u want to do with the ashes?

WhereDoesThisRoadGo Tue 21-Mar-17 15:40:31

Obviously, YABVVVVU. Not enough Vs in the world to say how U you have been.

Your grandfather has given his permission and put it in writing. It is no different to his will as far as I am concerned. Or are you also the sort of person that would contest that if you felt it had been divided unfairly? hmm

ohfourfoxache Tue 21-Mar-17 15:41:13

I'm sorry to hear about your grandad - what an awful time for you all.

But I'm afraid it isn't your choice and yabvu to ask him to reconsider. It has nothing to do with you.

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