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To think ds is lying about where he is?

(11 Posts)
image001 Tue 21-Mar-17 14:35:24

Ds is just turned 13 and is in year 8 and has a friend in year 10 in his secondary who he has known since junior school but they were not really friends until ds started in year 7. As ds has some additional needs I allow him freedom but under the agreement that I know where he is roughly and who with.
I.e if he wants to go to the shops with a mate after school that is fine as long as I know he has gone and will be late home.

There have been a few incidents where ds older friends parent (who I know vaguely as they live local and the boys went to primary together but who I am not friends with) has given ds a lift home from school (ds usually goes on the bus) which I am grateful for however on several occasions there have been 'complications'

So ds has been given a lift home on five occasions in the last two years and most have been in the past two months.

2 of these trips have gone fine and ds has been home by four. On many many occasions I have met ds by bus near school as we have been going somewhere and I always see Mum or aunt sat waiting so it seems to run smoothly the rest of the time too.

On three occasions however they have apparently gone to the school car park to find Mum or his aunty is not there and after waiting half an hour for her (all the time I think they are already on their way home) it suddenly transpires that no one is not coming and suddenly they are getting the bus but no one has told them until forty minutes after the time they are being collected..

The worst of these occassion ds told me that his friends Mum was just delayed and they were waiting and I said fine, then he text to tell me they were on their way (he said he thought Mum had arrived and that is why) and then forty minutes later when they had not arrived home I text to find they were still near school. Then suddenly Mum who had left them waiting for an hour and a half by this point had suddenly rang and was not actually coming because something had come up and they were getting the bus... He arrived home 3 hours after his finish time.

It happened again on Friday and in fact ds ended up struggling with the connection bus because he had spent half an hour so called waiting for the Mum to come when something had again come up and she couldn't come.

Surely I am being played here? Surely something might come up once but if you were meant to be picking your child up from school which is quite a way from home and you weren't you would not be leaving it until after the collection time to tell them so? They are pissing about somewhere aren't they or is this normal?

I am also worried as on Friday when this yet again happened they were on the bus much later than normal and some boys who were much older than ds (upper sixth form) were bothering ds older friend who they knew, messing about more than anything, they threw something at ds older friend and instead of ignoring them ds picked it up and threw it back. I understand he was in his view sticking up for his friend but ds is the one who will be catching the bus home alone 99% of the time on the same route as these kids who are much much older and have left school and I am now worried he has made himself a target.

I would rather ds just caught the bus home but he really struggles socially so I really don't want to cut him off from the only friend he really has but it just seems a bit hmm.

PNGirl Tue 21-Mar-17 14:51:03

In my day the kids who caught the later bus home were either in detention or having a smoke up behind the boiler house!

shushmonster Tue 21-Mar-17 14:53:31

You need to get the mums number.

image001 Tue 21-Mar-17 14:54:37

He definitely not in detention as I am in regular contact with senco due to his sen.

mickeysminnie Tue 21-Mar-17 14:55:29

Just tell your ds that he is to take the bus home!
It sounds like the friend just wants to hang about after school so is lying about his parents picking him up. Fine if he is allowed to do it but not ok to lie to your ds so that he has some company.

image001 Tue 21-Mar-17 15:00:23

Mickey that is what I am wondering was happening.

The thing is if ds said to me he wanted to go to the shops or food place or whatever after school it would not bother me as long as I knew so I don't get the lying.

I am going to which is probably going to cause hassle with his only friend but hey ho.

wannabestressfree Tue 21-Mar-17 17:40:22

As a mum to three boys, two with Sen I would just stick to your original texting arrangement. Tell him you don't mind him being late as long as he keeps you posted. It sounds like the friendship is important to him.... it's getting lighter and it might be time to get him some slack. It does sound like situations outside his control...

I know it's a differing view.

JustSpeakSense Tue 21-Mar-17 19:47:17

Obviously this arrangement is not working, the first time this happened I would've put a stop to it.

Can't they come home as usual and spend time 'hanging out' closer to home?

LittleIda Tue 21-Mar-17 20:02:19

Could you get the Life360 app so you can see where he is without texting?

image001 Wed 22-Mar-17 12:22:12

Never heard of that Little but will go and search!

Trifleorbust Wed 22-Mar-17 12:37:22

I suppose it depends on a) whether his SN leave him more vulnerable than other boys his age and b) whether you think he might be doing something he shouldn't (smoking/shoplifting/sniffing glue) rather than just wanting to stay out for a bit longer? No-one here can really comment as we don't know the other lad. But...in my experience friendships where there is an age gap of more than a year at that age can be problematic.

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