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Judgemental mothers at playgroup

(86 Posts)
andshewillbeloved Tue 21-Mar-17 13:25:04

Took dd to playgroup this morning. She is 2.5 and not toilet trained yet - tried and she isn't ready. Went to change her nappy and another mum gave a disapproving look and asked how old she was. I told her and her response was 'wow she's a big 2 year old' plus judgemental bitchy look.

AIBU to think she should mind her own fucking business?

WorraLiberty Tue 21-Mar-17 13:26:47

If she really did give a disapproving look and a judgmental bitchy look then YANBU.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Tue 21-Mar-17 13:31:22

Worra that was unnecessay, there's no need to cast doubt on what OP is saying.

OP YANBU, loads of kids aren't potty trained at 2. Even if your child was 5 there might be a medical reason for still being in nappies. Judgy mum should keep her beak out.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Tue 21-Mar-17 13:32:02


Gottagetmoving Tue 21-Mar-17 13:33:34

Sounds like she thought your child was older.
Just ignore it. People will and do have 'opinions' so there is no point in letting it bother you.

TrickyD Tue 21-Mar-17 13:33:46

Ooh it's another 'looking at me' one.

Reow Tue 21-Mar-17 13:37:02

She might not have meant to be bitchy. I have RBF and people always think I am sneering at them, when I often just think i'm being conversational and friendly!

TheWitTank Tue 21-Mar-17 13:38:06

Who cares what some random person you don't know thinks? I would have just blanked her and carried on doing what I was doing. Let her judge away, it makes no difference to your life what she thinks anyway.

Floggingmolly Tue 21-Mar-17 13:40:59

She said "she's a big two year old", so had obviously had assumed your dd was a lot older. How on earth do you do a bitchy judgemental face??

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Tue 21-Mar-17 13:46:15

I quite often used the "how old is your child?" question as a conversation starter with mums at toddler groups. You may have been so defensive in your reply that it killed the conversation..?

There's no point being upset about it. For your own sanity, try to forget about it and not blow it up in your mind flowers

DoingThisRight Tue 21-Mar-17 13:48:35

Ooh it's another 'looking at me' one.

I think a lot of these 'looks' are more in someone's head than actually happening.

Witchend Tue 21-Mar-17 13:48:47

Sounds like a normal toddler group meeting someone for the first time conversation.
"How old's your dc?"
"They're big/small/clever... etc for their age aren't they?"

BrownAjah Tue 21-Mar-17 13:51:22

Yes she should. It's also possible you misinterpreted her expression? DD is nearly 3.5 and not toilet trained. There are reasons for that that are not obvious from looking at her so I do feel a bit judged sometimes. Not worth getting upset about it!

LoriD Tue 21-Mar-17 13:53:31

My dd is 2.7 years old and we tried last month to potty train and she wasn't ready and we are going to try again next month. It's no big deal let it roll off your back but have a nice comeback for next time i case you go again.

People are so nasty it's none of their business, do people out there really get on like that confused

catkind Tue 21-Mar-17 13:55:14

Are you sure? I still got those comments about DD long after she was PT, she is a tall girl. (Along with "gosh, she talks a lot doesn't she" and "is she really reading that?") People always comment on children's size. Or other random stuff. It's just for something to say.

MissGoggins Tue 21-Mar-17 13:57:00

judgemental bitchy look

Please demonstrate.

ScarlettFreestone Tue 21-Mar-17 13:57:19

I'm sorry you were upset, but honestly you may be projecting.because you are worried about the toilet training thing.

I have a very dear friend who is always seeing "judgemental, bitchy looks" when I don't see anything of the kind standing right next to her.

I have two very tall children. They are 9yo and taller than lots of 11yos.

I remember being criticised by a stranger in a shop for still having them in a buggy at 4 yo. She was rather embarrased when I pointed out they were only just 2yo. grin if you have a tall child you just get used to shrugging it off.

BTW 2.5 yo is nowhere near late to not be toilet trained. Lots of my friends kids were well into their third year before they used a potty.

HeyRoly Tue 21-Mar-17 13:57:32

You get a lot of toilet training judginess. I read some on a thread yesterday, and the thread had nothing to do with toilet training! Two and a half isn't so old. My DD was so resistant she was in nappies past the age of three and a half.

andshewillbeloved Tue 21-Mar-17 13:57:50

Honestly this was not a typical 'how old is your dd?' type of question and I wasn't even defensive in my answer.

pointstaken Tue 21-Mar-17 13:59:40

Maybe she was bitchy, in that case ignore. Many kids are not trained at 2.5, who cares. It's not the best time of the year anyway, it's so much easier in spring/ summer.

Maybe you completely misinterpreted someone who was just making conversation. I take my bag with me when my take my little ones to the loo, you can't guess if they wear a nappy or not from that. Maybe her own little one is tiny, and the mum is worried about it.
She wasn't involved in any of your business or judging you, it sound like you read too much in what she said.

witsender Tue 21-Mar-17 13:59:53

2.5 isn't old for nappies.

Jackiebrambles Tue 21-Mar-17 14:00:33

Let it wash over you. My son was almost 3 when we trained him. You do what you think is right - I've known so many people getting stressed about training because they have started when the kid isn't ready!

Dumbo412 Tue 21-Mar-17 14:01:56

OP, this may not be a popular stance, but to be honest I think that life is far too short to get ones back up about a look. I wouldn't take it to heart.

I'd also allow people up to 3 comments before really writing them off.

Maybe they were just shocked at DDs height or something?

TrueBlueDem Tue 21-Mar-17 14:02:18

Wow what a bitch! My boys weren't trained until 3.5 and IDGAF what anyone thinks. Kids train at diff ages and it's no one's GD business! I'd have tossed the diaper at her.

pointstaken Tue 21-Mar-17 14:03:35

I forgot to add, I know plenty of kids who were potty trained at 1.5 or 2 years old. Great you'd think, but they still have accidents day and nights 1 or 2 years later. The concept of potty trained is the same as "sleeping through the night", the meaning totally varies depending on who you are talking to.

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