cold feet(15 Posts)
Not so much a AIBU, more of a what would you do...
We've decided to move from our lovely (but small) first time home into something bigger in preparation for TTC next year.
After lots of looking we have found a house that is no means a mansion but is pretty big to us and would be big enough for babies - teens so we wouldn't have to move again if we didn't want to. I love the layout of the house - sociable living and it's nice and modern (which I like) without being boxy. South facing garden and in a nice little safe culdesac.
Ticks 9/10 boxes. The only one missing being location. I know everyone always says to go for location but this isn't a bad location by any means - just not our ideal. It's in walking distance to a really good school and a lovely park. It's just not in the 'posher' part of town.
I love the house and think it's perfect for us and our budget for now. So does my DH. And as it's well in budget (offered accepted) we'd have room to get it exactly how we want it pretty quickly.
So all happy times until we show my mum and she makes it clear that she thinks we are making a mistake by buying another new build type house (built in 2002). She says we won't make money (we want a home) and should go for a 'grown up family home'...whatever one of those is...in * - the posh bit of town.
My dad laughed her off and told us to ignore her but it's niggling at me and made me doubt our decision.
We could afford a house in that area but the ones we have seen are either much smaller, on a main road (I like the idea of a little culdesac for future kids) or need much more work doing than we want to do, or could afford to do before next year.
To get an equivalent house in that area we'd be looking at an extra £150k+ ...the extra deposit for which we can't afford without staying put and saving - putting all our plans back.
I feel like I'm making a sensible decision with wanting children in mind...we can afford the mortgage pretty easily even if I was to go part time so will give me more flexibility in the future. At the moment I'm career focused but I've seen similar friends completely change once they become mums and I want my working hours to be our choice, not dictated by a huge mortgage!
So after that ramble...WWYD?? Am I being short sighted?? My mum doesn't like 'toy town' new build estates and I get they aren't for everyone but we have to compromise over something, right? I quite like the idea of the kids being able to play on the street etc.
I'm basing all our plans on what I think is right when planning kids but thought actual mums would be better placed to advise.
Your mums being a snob. The location (cukdesac park school) obviously suits YOU fine and it's you who needs to live there.
I'd rather have the ideal house in a nice location without the postcode than pay over the odds for something not as suitable just for the adddress.
I hated the area dh chose to live in, for similar reasons..15 years later after we chose to buy again here and with two dc, its been great - parks, high street, swimming pool, sports clubs, buses, trains, lots of clubs locally. Suburban bliss. My mil would not be happy unless we were in a 4 or 5 bed detatched, even in a much worse area...but that is meaningless to us. Stick to what you and dh want, you don't have to justify yourself. Sounds lovely.
Well she won't be wanting to visit all the time then will she??
Your life your house.
You are a grown up and no longer need her approval to make grown up decisions..
It sounds lovely and just want you want. It's very sensible to have something affordable, particularly as you are planning to have DC. There is nothing to say you couldn't move in a few years if you chose to do.
I'm sure you'll be very happy
9/10 is pretty damned good. There is always some compromise in these things. The school is good which suggests it isn't a horrendously run down area. Also, the school is a nice point but not the most important as you won't need it for at least 4 or 5 years and a lot can change in that time. (DDs secondary school changed head during her Y8 and standards have plummetted & now she's in Y10, it's rated inadequate.)
I think the main questions to answer are
How bad is the area, and is it up and coming or on the way down?
How big a difference is the size of house you can afford in each of the areas, and how important to you is this?
How do these 2 questions balance?
Write a list of pros and cons and then consider them together.
If the posh bit of town is massively more expensive, and there's a good school in the area you're looking at, I'd be willing to bet that the 'naice' families who can't afford the posh area will start moving to the cheaper but still good bit, in the good school catchment, and in a few years time will have pushed the price (and possibly the reputation of the area) right up. I don't think that you can ever lose out badly buying a family home in the catchment of a good school. And FWIW new-build suburbia near decent schools and parks suits my family down to the ground
Please don't give any more thought to your Mum's view. She is being a knob to interfere and fwiw, her view sounds completely flawed anyway.
It is 15 years old, hardly new - so do factor in repairs.
But otherwise sounds ideal for you. I also think it is -' thanks for input mum, let's agree to differ'.
Ignore your mum's comments that is her view doesn't have to be yours, 15 year old house will last you a long time, 9/10 is great you very rarely get 10/10 unless you have lots of money. It sounds perfect to me. Good luck on your decision.
Your mom sounds like her nose is out of joint because her mental image of what your imaginary 'grown up' house should be doesn't match real life.
You sound very sensible and the house sounds almost perfect, which is as near as damn it because in my experience nothing is ever totally perfect. Is your mom always so rude about your choices?! Take a leaf out of your dad's door and ignore her. It's not her house, she's not buying it or living in it ( she does sound like a bit of a snob!).
Buy for you not your mum.
For reference we bought cheaply in a not so desirable location 7 years ago - complete renovation project. My friends all raised their eyebrows when I told them where we would be living.
fast forward 7 years my friend has just bought a small 3 bed house for 5 times what we paid for ours in an okish location but right by a main road - she has parking restrictions on her road so cant have visitors, and because of local tourist attractions it's a nightmare in the summer. we have a huge 3 storey 5 bed house and have nearly paid off the mortgage. I dont get this location thing, we have cars so if we want to go somewhere we just drive to it. I wouldn't live in my friends house if you paid me, sometimes locations can be over rated.
Old houses can be money pits- I've got old wiring, old boiler, crumbly plaster, single glazed draughty windows.
New builds require less money/ maintenance. Save your money and your time for TTC and your future!
Thanks everyone. It's nice to get a bit of reassurance. It costs a lot to move and what we're spending is a lot of money to us so its making me nervous!
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