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To ask if you think there's a difference between being tired as a SAHM and tired as a WOHP?

(90 Posts)
dampmorninginspring Tue 21-Mar-17 07:41:00

I don't work, although I do the odd day if it coincides with DHs time off, but it's generally about one day a month.

I was talking about possibly going back to work when youngest is in nursery (not for a couple of years) and DH was saying "you'll be tired." I pointed out jokingly I'm tired now and he said there was a big difference between being tired and staying at home and being tired and having to go out to work.

Is he right?

Mammylamb Tue 21-Mar-17 07:43:04

I find that I am more tired when I'm at home with my son. However I much prefer it and am a lot less stressed than when I'm at work!

Hamsolo Tue 21-Mar-17 07:43:07

I've only done two years of maternity leave, so can't say what it's like with older children - perhaps easier - but I was less tired when I went back to work. Not least because DH then had no excuse for not doing 50% of wake ups.

TheNaze73 Tue 21-Mar-17 07:43:58

It's a different type of tired in my opinion. Also depends on the job.

AuntieStella Tue 21-Mar-17 07:47:25

No one will ever know, because you don't get to redo it a different way.

And your DC will be at a different age/stage if (like me) you dip in and out of different working patterns.

I found hardest when I was working, doing a double nursery/primary drop off them heading for work. And still having evening chaos. I did rather think of work as a 'break' because tiring as it was, I was dealing with adults who didn't need checking/tending all the time. But it was full on juggling for quite a while.

But that's just how I found it. Other people will have completely different experiences.

It's not a competition.

And tell your DH that when you are working, he'll be doing an equal share of the childcare (including all the thinkings/planning/remembering)

Bodicea Tue 21-Mar-17 07:48:12

I work three days having just upped it from two days. I have a three and a one year old. Am definately more tired now. I don't feel I have as much time to do household chores and end up doing them at the weekend/night. On the days I have a bad night with the kids and have a day off the next day I can at least stay on the sofa in my pjs with cebeebies on for a few hours even if the kids still demand I get up at 5/6.

farfarawayfromhome Tue 21-Mar-17 07:49:50

this will greatly depend on your job, i'm sure...i've done both and in my personal experience, working is much much harder and more tiring.

i have a senior management role where i am expected to perform at a high level every day. it's demanding and stressful. i juggle clients, media, influencers, have to fix problems and fight fires and solve a crisis every other day.

i do all of this on little sleep with a commute.

absolutely it is bone crushingly exhausting with a newborn or when you child doesn't sleep, but when i was at home no one demanded too much of me - mentally or physically, in the same way that work did.

i didn't have to get dressed, morph into work mode, commute and then perform at a high level. i could stay in my pyjamas with no make up and use the ipad to distract the toddler if i needed to.

oh - and once DD started nursery it was zero stress at home...

corythatwas Tue 21-Mar-17 07:49:52

people are individuals: what tires one person out may be another person's rest cure; what one person sees as an easy ride may leave another person exhausted

and of course jobs vary widely

when mine were little, my DM paid for some childcare so I could afford to go back to my (badly paid) job one day a week, because she saw that I was being worn down

golfbuggy Tue 21-Mar-17 07:50:07

It depends on
- the job
- the child

It's much more tiring to be a WOHM parent where the job is relentless and with a child that only allows for 5 hours broken sleep a night, than it is to be a SAHM with a child that naps fora large part of the day and sleeps all night.

Equally it's harder to be a SAHM with a child that doesn't sleep and has additional needs, than it is to be WOHM with a fairly straightforward job, guaranteed breaks and a child the sleeps through the night.

But on balance, if you have a pre-school age child (so out of the house for some of the day) I'd imagine being a SAHM is much easier than having the same child and having to WOH.

JagerPlease Tue 21-Mar-17 07:50:27

Only have shared parental leave for comparison. I find the difference with at home tired is that I can stay in my pyjamas if I want to and have a lazy day. Physically I'm more tired from going to work (and it doesn't have the same fun element to being at home with the baby!). But equally a needy baby who won't be put down or separated from you can be emotionally exhausting. sits firmly on the fence

coffeecuppa Tue 21-Mar-17 07:51:09

I've just started working 2 days a week and those days at work are so much easier than the days I'm looking after DS!

clumsyduck Tue 21-Mar-17 07:51:50

I work some days and I'm at home some days and I get equal amounts of tired if anything more mentally tired at home and pysically tired at work and I prefer to be physically tired to be honest

megletthesecond Tue 21-Mar-17 07:51:59

I work in a local office. WOHP is more tiring. Being a SAHM on maternity leave wasn't as draining.

SchnooSchnoo Tue 21-Mar-17 07:56:31

I'm mostly a SAHP but I'm studying which means I'm away one day a week from about 8am to 10pm. Dp does a physical job, but is more tired on the day he look after the kids! He is usually asleep by the time I get home.

I suppose the difference is that on the days he does work, I'm around in the evenings to do dinner, bathtime, bedtime, so he gets a rest.

I think it's going to depend on how much you are expected to do when you get home, but in my experience, looking after toddlers is just as tiring as a job.

GraceGrape Tue 21-Mar-17 07:57:05

Depends on the job. I am much more tired working because my job necessitates that I have to bring work home to do in the evenings. I can't do it until the kids are in bed and I've done all the other job like sorting laundry, washing up etc so I end up going to bed much later than I would if I wasn't working. Also, my kids aren't great sleepers and it's much harder going to work after a bad night than being at home (I work part-time so if I've had a bad night on one of my home days then it is possible to have a chilled-out day).

dementedma Tue 21-Mar-17 08:00:38

For me it was more tiring to be working and doing child care drop offs and housework, but was more boring and wearisome being at home all day with young children.

SisterMoonshine Tue 21-Mar-17 08:04:07

Was he having a tired off?
"You think you're tired?"
Those 'Tired Parents' vids we got on here were funny.

switswoo81 Tue 21-Mar-17 08:04:32

I teach junior infants (reception?) then have my toddler from 3 till bedtime. Naps in crèche. I'm knackered! Constantly soneone touching me or pulling at me or looking for me!

SisterMoonshine Tue 21-Mar-17 08:13:02

youtu.be/98kUCEFtwRI

witsender Tue 21-Mar-17 08:16:27

I agree with him tbh. At least as a sahm you can stay home, have a pj day or whatever. When you work you have no choice but to go out and face the world, and engage your brain.

Trifleorbust Tue 21-Mar-17 08:18:24

I think it depends whether you going out to work will still involve you doing all the childcare and house stuff? If so, he is right, but then that's a different problem!

FloatyCat Tue 21-Mar-17 08:22:44

It's a different kind of tired I think. I've done sahp, pt & ft. When I was a sahp it was more of a relentless trudging tiredness (also boredom) now at ft I am genuinely falling asleep tired due to long hours and then doing housework after work, fitting kids activities in etc.
I think PT is the perfect balance if you can get it.

FloatyCat Tue 21-Mar-17 08:24:23

Yes to PP that said it's much harder to go to work after a bad night of waking up / ill kids, as opposed to being in the home.

HeadDreamer Tue 21-Mar-17 08:24:30

I've only done two lots of maternity leave. Working is much harder and so more tiring. But it depends on your job as people say. I'm in charge of a team and it's totally performance based. I can't just sit at my desk pretending I'm working.

Maternity leaves were a breeze of days out, coffees, shopping and netflix watching. School holidays with DC1 is very easy too. I plan for a day out for each day, and then go to a playground or hang around home crafting or baking. Or arrange a playdate. Worst is DC1 on school holiday and I'm working. Because then I'll have to do a pack lunch + 2 snacks for her to go to the childminder!

HeadDreamer Tue 21-Mar-17 08:25:08

However I love the mental stimulation and the feeling of being valued from work.

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