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Which of these mothers is being unreasonable?

(258 Posts)
BillSykesDog Tue 21-Mar-17 02:32:23

I'm none of these mothers btw. They are friends, situation is:

Three 11 yo primary school girls. Have done their bike safety course so are being allowed out to practice road cycling around their quiet residential streets in a London suburb. They have a very clearly defined area they must stay within. Only one of the girls, M has taken her mobile and that has no credit on it so is only receiving incoming calls.

They come to the end of the area they are allowed to cycle in. M says she wants to continue on the main road, where they are not supposed to go because she wants to visit tha McDonald's in the next suburb a good 15 mins cycle away. The other two girls K and R say they are not allowed and won't go. M tries to persuade them. They still say no. M says even if they don't go she is going anyway and they mustn't tell on her.

K and R go to K's home but are looking very obviously worried so the story comes out pretty quickly. K's Mum calls M's mother to tell her that her daughter had gone off to McDonalds. M's mother calls M who is now at McDonalds, she tells her that she must not try to cycle back, M says she doesn't think she can manage it anyway.

M's Mum then calls K's Mum and asks her if K's Mum will drive and pick M up. M's Mum is at home on her own without a car and with a six month old baby. She will need to make a ten minute walk and then a 10 min bus ride to get to McDonald's under her own steam. K's Mum refuses to drive and pick M up because she is busy and has plans and says M needs to sort her daughter out herself.

M thinks it is dangerous for her daughter to be waiting alone in the McDonalds for that length of time. She thinks that problem has arisen because K and R went home instead of sticking with M and left her on her own so it is partly K's fault the situation has occurred and K's mother should drive to collect her for that reason. K's mother still refuses to pick her up.

Which mother do you think is being unreasonable in this situation?

Coughingchildren5 Tue 21-Mar-17 02:38:16

Hopefully I have the mothers the right way around... I think K's mother is being stroppy by not helping out to pick up the wild child.
However, it is M's mother's responsibility to deal with her own daughter, experience the inconvenience of fetching her and give her sound telling off. Blaming the other girls is totally absurd. They did exactly the right thing. M could have got them all killed. If there is form for this pattern of behaviour with M and her mother then I can understand the position K's mother has taken.
So reading between the lines, M's mother's is being unreasonable.

passthewineplz Tue 21-Mar-17 02:40:28

M's mother is being unreasonable, the other girls were sensible. Why couldn't M's mum get a taxi to pick her up?

However as M was on her own, K's mother could have helped out.

Itsnotwhatitseems Tue 21-Mar-17 02:41:18

I think Ms mother should go and pick her DD up, it would have been kind for Ks mum to offer to pick her up but it certainly wasn't Ks fault for leaving M to go to MacDonalds alone. K did her bit telling her mum

ICJump Tue 21-Mar-17 02:47:46

The girls K and R did the right thing. M was naughty. M's Mum needs to sort it out.
I was the M in this sort a lot. I'm really sorry to my parents they were always having to clean up my mess

DickToPhone Tue 21-Mar-17 02:50:33

Why is K expected to be an unpaid taxi service ? London has Uber, minicabs, etc., does it not?

OvO Tue 21-Mar-17 03:06:30

M is being unreasonable. And I'd be pretty annoyed at being told the other girls were somehow at fault!

MissGoggins Tue 21-Mar-17 03:15:03

Is M mum at work? Have I missed a step? Why would k mum go instead?

MissGoggins Tue 21-Mar-17 03:16:57

Got it! blush
Ignore me

lazydog Tue 21-Mar-17 03:17:31

M's mum is the only one being unreasonable and is hugely out of order trying to imply that the good kids deserve any blame!!

If I was K's mum, I'd probably have gone and picked M up, but that's just because I'm too soft.

M's mum should sort out the mess her own kid has got herself into. As others have already said, what about taking a taxi?

MissGoggins Tue 21-Mar-17 03:17:47

M mum should take a cab

KoalaDownUnder Tue 21-Mar-17 03:27:23

M's mum is being completely unreasonable - the whole situation is her own daughter's fault!

However, if they are friends, it would be nice of K's mum to help out by collecting M.

lalalalyra Tue 21-Mar-17 03:30:13

M's mum should have asked K'd mum nicely to pick her up as a huge favour.

The other girls did the right thing by not going further than they were allowed and for telling an adult.

Bubbinsmakesthree Tue 21-Mar-17 03:30:51

What happens to Ms bike if she's not picked up in a car big enough to stick it in the boot?

deliverdaniel Tue 21-Mar-17 03:32:24

M's mum is def being unreasonable- it was her daughter's fault and wrong to blame the other mum. It would have a been a reasonable favour to ask K's mum to pick up her daughter if phrased as a mortified "I'm so sorry- it's all our fault, could you possibly help us out- I'm so scared leaving her there- your daughter is perfect etc etc" followed by a box of chocolates or something. V U to expect it at blame the other child.

K's mum is not being U, but perhaps could be kinder as it is true that M is in a somewhat scary situation for a child,e ven if of her own making.

ScarlettFreestone Tue 21-Mar-17 03:36:22

M's Mum is being very unreasonable and very rude.

What she should have said is" thanks for letting me know and I'm very sorry the other girls were upset" and then taken herself off to pick up her wayward daughter.

Why on earth should K's Mum
cancel her plans?

I'm also fairly shocked at an 11yo who can't cycle a 30 min round trip.

My 9yos regularly cycle for 15 miles.

If I was K's Mum my DD would no longer be cycling with M as she clearly can't be trusted.

BoomBoomsCousin Tue 21-Mar-17 03:45:29

K's mum isn't being U, though if her "busy" is easily changeable it would be kind to help M's mum out. M's mum is BU by blaming K and R for not going with M and for not just telling M to walk home pushing her bike, which if she can cycle there she can certainly do. M's mum also U for saying M will not be "safe" waiting in a McDonalds for 20+ minutes - an absurd claim.

icelollycraving Tue 21-Mar-17 03:47:56

Why can't M cycle back? M's mum is unreasonable to say the other girls are at fault.

FritzDonovan Tue 21-Mar-17 03:58:00

How ridiculous. M is to blame for going, her mum is BU for trying to make others responsible. Yes, K's mum might have done her s favour in picking up the (irresponsible) child, but we don't know what plans she had. She should have in no way been made to feel responsible. The other girls did exactly the right things in not going, and telling.

GiraffesAndButterflies Tue 21-Mar-17 04:05:28

M's mum is BU but it would have been nice of K's mum to help if she possibly could.

So come on OP, which one are you???

TesticlesInTheBlender Tue 21-Mar-17 04:26:43

M's mum is the only unreasonable one here. If M managed to get there in her own, I would be telling her to get back the same way and then deal with the issue when she got home.

SJD25 Tue 21-Mar-17 04:37:26

I think M's mum needs to stop wasting time arguing with Ks mom and get a taxi there hmm

RebootYourEngine Tue 21-Mar-17 04:53:44

I think Ms mum is unreasonable. So what if she has a 6 month old baby. She also has an 11yr old child who cant follow orders so she needs to sort it out herself.

OldGuard Tue 21-Mar-17 04:56:14

How is this even a question ?

In the absence of further info (such as special needs, etc) then the child who went to McDonald's is in the wrong and her mother needs to deal with it and not blame other children or parents for the behavior or the resulting difficulties

Spring2016 Tue 21-Mar-17 05:12:09

M's mother ibu. She needs to call a taxi and then ground her daughter from her bike for a few weeks. Other option is for M to bike and walk home.

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