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Sruggling to get on board with sons girlfriend, who is a millionarre!

(114 Posts)
Huskylover1 Mon 20-Mar-17 23:16:35

Actually, her family are multi millionaires. 8 homes across the globe in places like Paris, Milan, New York, Los Angeles....you get the drift. They've been together 11 months. I've met her twice. She is very aloof. I remember meeting my DH parents and trying my hardest to impress. She doesn't do this. They came for one night a few months ago to dog sit for us, but left the place looking like an episode from Hoarders. Food and drink left everywhere, nothing cleanedup. I tried to forget it. took them out for lunch...they never bought one drink and we had lunch and 5 rounds after....where do i go from here...its his bday dinner Weds and im gonna get stiffed again

SalemSaberhagen Mon 20-Mar-17 23:18:38

What does her wealth have to do with it? And why aren't you blaming your son too?

gamerchick Mon 20-Mar-17 23:19:57

Forget her family is minted and treat them like you would any other teenage kids.

Paying is par the course, cleaning up after them is not. Why on earth are you letting your son get away with that?

RedBullBlood Mon 20-Mar-17 23:20:01

You haven't spoken to your son about the mess they left? I don't see why you're putting it all on her.

Huskylover1 Mon 20-Mar-17 23:20:07

I did blame him, he got a telling off!

Only1scoop Mon 20-Mar-17 23:22:06

Don't understand the wealthy bit?

MapMyMum Mon 20-Mar-17 23:22:13

Let them celebrate on their own and go for dinner just him and the rest of the family if you can do this without uninviting her?
In general though people like that need to be given boundaries. Dont be afraid of speaking up around her because her family is wealthy. Also remember she will probably be used to her parents paying for everything without question so hasnt even thought she'll need to cough up. But speak to your ds. Really its his fault they left the house a mess, if not as much as her then more as he is your ds. Set bou daries and dont be afraid to flip out

GriefLeavesItsMark Mon 20-Mar-17 23:22:58

Are you sure she really is a millionaire? Might be a pile of blocks.

Anyway, cook for them at home. That way you won't get stiffed.

WorraLiberty Mon 20-Mar-17 23:23:04

I don't really think anyone tries to impress their boyfriend's/girlfriend's parents these days really. I find young people are more on a par with older people than when I was younger.

Unsure what her family's money/properties have to do with the pair of them being tight and messy?

DonaldStott Mon 20-Mar-17 23:25:56

If I took my kids out for dinner, it would be on me. Either inferiority complex, or inverted snobbery going on here.

ScarlettFreestone Mon 20-Mar-17 23:26:11

How old are they? The fact that her parents have money doesn't necessarily mean that she does.

Quite frankly the responsibility for leaving your house in a nice state is your sons. Not hers.

"aloof" can easily mean "shy". Wealth doesn't automatically equal self confidence.

If my parents invited me out for a birthday meal they wouldn't expect me to pay tbh. But again, if your family custom is to take turns, it's your sons responsibility to make that clear.

I really can't see from your post why you are annoyed with the girlfriend rather than your apparently selfish son.

WorraLiberty Mon 20-Mar-17 23:28:50

How are you going to get 'stiffed' btw, considering it's your son's birthday dinner?

Are you expecting them to pay for it?

unfortunateevents Mon 20-Mar-17 23:32:29

Who do you think should have paid for lunch? Your son's GF? If your son didn't offer to chip in and pay for lunch or drinks, I don't necessarily think she should have offered. Or at least, if I was the girlfriend, I would have taken my lead from my BF and expected him to pay for a round before me. If he didn't, I would assume it just wasn't the done thing in this family.

Also, if she is so seriously wealthy, the idea that people might struggle with paying for expensive lunches or dinners would probably never occur to her. I expect she is just to people just waving Black AmEx cards and it doesn't really matter whose card it is.

I am interested to know who pays when your son and GF go out together though?

unfortunateevents Mon 20-Mar-17 23:32:58

just USED to

MingeFog Mon 20-Mar-17 23:34:50

Agreed Donald

BumWad Mon 20-Mar-17 23:35:08

Aah stop giving her a hard time.

I think you're just gonna have to tell them op.

Next round is yours! Etc

JustAPlasticBag Mon 20-Mar-17 23:36:09

OP you seem very hung up on her families wealth; when they began dating was you suddenly expecting to never pay for anything again (& maybe for her maid to come and clean up?) Your son was the disrespectful one not cleaning up after him and his guest and really, if it's his birthday meal you can't expect her and her family to pay?

GabsAlot Mon 20-Mar-17 23:42:25

how old is she are we talking teenager? if so why would she have to pay for u taking them out for lunch-its irrelevant what her parents have

WorraLiberty Mon 20-Mar-17 23:45:27

Also your thread title says your son's girlfriend is a millionaire but then your OP says, actually her family are?

Being from a wealthy family doesn't automatically mean she personally has tons of money. If her family want her to be well grounded, perhaps they see to it that she earns her own wage and doesn't live through the bank of mum and dad.

PaulAnkaTheDog Mon 20-Mar-17 23:46:31

You're going to get 'stiffed' by paying for your son's birthday meal? Ever think that perhaps last time you took them out she didn't want to seem like she was flaunting her wealth by paying when it was on your invitation?

You seem so snobby about her having money. Get a grip.

twattymctwatterson Mon 20-Mar-17 23:53:06

Hold on, you've taken a dislike to your son's girlfriend because both she and your son left your home untidy? That's completely his responsibility to manage. Did you expect her to pay when you took them out?

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 20-Mar-17 23:55:54

How old are they? 25 and I would expect her to pitch in for drinks and clean up. 18? Less so. And HE left your house like a pigsty. And they were doing you a favour dog-sitting.

HeddaGarbled Mon 20-Mar-17 23:57:26

Why is it your son's girlfriend's job to clean up in his parents' house? And why not expect your son to make a financial contribution when out with his family rather than his girlfriend?

Don't be a martyr. If you want to treat him for his birthday, do it. If you don't, don't. If you want him to get a round in, tell him "your round".

You are aiming your ire at the wrong person here.

dylsmimi Tue 21-Mar-17 00:01:54

Did they think you were taking them out as a thank you for dog sitting?
I wouldn't expect to pay if my parents/pils said they were taking me and DH out for a birthday meal as it would be their treat - I would offer to get the drinks in (which would be furiously declined!) but wouldn't have had the confidence when I was a teenager/early 20s
Forget her/her parents bank accounts - I'm sure they haven't looked into your finances and focus on being nice to her as your sons girlfriend

JayneAusten Tue 21-Mar-17 00:02:23

Well tbh it doesn't matter one bit if you are 'on board' with her or not. They've been together 11 months and don't seem to be seeking your permission. You seem to have pre-judged her on the fact she's wealthy (because you mention it when there is absolutely no relevance to your post). Maybe her being aloof is because she can sense your inverted snobbery. You have a choice to either be nice to her in the same way you would any partner of your son's whilst expecting BOTH of them to treat you with courtesy and respect, or carry on blaming her for everything from this early stage and end up not having much to do with your son in the future.

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