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To expect forgiveness after accidentally making a joke about a baby's Hemangioma

(32 Posts)
persianpeach Mon 20-Mar-17 22:55:19

I am soo mortified. I just made a joke on social media about a friend's granddaughter wearing an earring from a very early age (actually believing it was a Pom Pom attached to a blanket or the cushion she was lying on) and it was a hemangioma/birth mark.
How could I not realise?! I feel a bit sick. I would NEVER have joked about something so un-funny had I known.
I only noticed it as it was also evident on another photo just put up.
She has removed the post and I have sent my sincere apologies and asked for forgiveness. I feel terrible.
She has not replied.
What shall I do?

britbat23 Mon 20-Mar-17 23:04:11

Nothing. You made an honest mistake. She'll get over herself eventually. If she doesn't she's in for a tough old life.

persianpeach Mon 20-Mar-17 23:08:02

Thank you x

nocoolnamesleft Mon 20-Mar-17 23:11:57

I trust you are making sure that you comment positively on any subsequent pictures? There's a lot of stigma over any facial difference. I've known parents tell me about grown adults crossing the street to point at their baby's face to go "Urgh, look, what's that on their face". It's rather upsetting, so would expect it to take a while to come round. I would suggest making sure you make positive noises over the new photos....especially as fewer people than normal may be doing so, but you doing it will help other people do the same. Which will help.

MrsJayy Mon 20-Mar-17 23:12:36

God poor you bet you are just mortified you did apologise just leave it for now see if she replies over a few days.

redheadbarmaid Mon 20-Mar-17 23:12:45

Omg totally something I would do!
Poor you!
You've apologised and it was an honest mistake so I'd try and forget it

sonyaya Mon 20-Mar-17 23:14:10

We've all done something similar - you meant no harm and have done the right thing apologising. Don't be hard on yourself!

MrsJayy Mon 20-Mar-17 23:14:15

Yes like new pictures say aww she is beautiful be positive as pp just said.

TwentyCups Mon 20-Mar-17 23:15:09

Oh no I really feel for you here because you so obviously didn't mean to cause offence.
If she's a close friend perhaps call her to explain properly. Although she may well respond in a day or two. If she's angry or upset she might just be waiting to feel calmer.

TathitiPete Mon 20-Mar-17 23:15:29

What was the joke? I mean, did you just comment on the earring like 'ooh, I see you have an earring' or was it a more negative comment like 'ugh, I hate earrings on babies'

traviata Mon 20-Mar-17 23:18:05

can you ring her in a day or two? Much easier to explain directly how sorry you are than to try to do it through email/social media.

persianpeach Mon 20-Mar-17 23:18:15

I have always commented extremely favourably on all photos that I have seen to date and have submitted another more appropriate comment on the same post, just reiterating how sweet she is as I did in the first sentence without the thoughtless comment at the end.
I still feel terrible though.

PodgeBod Mon 20-Mar-17 23:18:31

My daughter has one of these quite prominently on her face. She probably is feeling a little upset because you stop really seeing it on your own child after a while. But you've apologised and there's nothing more you can do. Hopefully she'll get past it quite quickly as people comment on them all the time so you have to learn to shrug it off.

persianpeach Mon 20-Mar-17 23:22:40

I would have called but felt it was too late in the evening as she may have gone to bed.
I will call her tomorrow I think.

MammaTJ Mon 20-Mar-17 23:30:59

I think calling tomorrow is a good idea, but a text beforehand saying you need to talk to her might be a good idea.

You did not kill a child or even step on a butterfly, you just made a bit of a bad comment by accident.

Forgive yourself, that might make it easier for her to forgive you!

CanaryFish Mon 20-Mar-17 23:33:43

Look it happens, you didn't know. You won't be the only person to make a faux pas regarding it.
You've apologised and explained and removed the remark, you can't do any more smile
My drunk uncle snorted "what's that on the back of its head !!??" In front of a room full of people.
About my daughter. I'm still talking to him ;)

WorraLiberty Mon 20-Mar-17 23:34:06

Oh gosh I feel so sorry for you OP.

YANBU to want forgiveness and calling her tomorrow is a good idea.

Shame it can't be resolved tonight but that's sod's law isn't it?

It's like when you get a letter from the bank/council tax/wherever and you want to ring and sort something out, but it's Saturday and you have to stew on it until they open again Monday morning.

littlefrog3 Mon 20-Mar-17 23:38:13

Oooops! Just apologise. She will be fine I'm sure.

I am sure most people have fucked up like this before.

'Awww when's your baby due?' 'I'm not pregnant.

'How's your husband?' 'He left me last month.'

'Are you still in that lovely cottage in Norfolk?' 'It was repossessed when we went bankrupt.'

Easily done. Don't worry about it.

WorraLiberty Mon 20-Mar-17 23:41:16

Last year I went for a meal with my best friend, her DD and her DD's friend, amongst lots of other people.

It was a 'Greek night', so we'd spent the whole night sat at the table eating and drinking a lot of wine.

When we got up to leave, the DD's friend was a bit wobbly, so I burst out laughing and said loudly "Waaay haaaay! She's staggering!" grin

I can't explain how mortified I was when my friend whispered in my ear, that she recently had a prosthetic leg fitted below the knee, and was only just getting used to it blush blush

Thankfully the girl was just as drunk as I was and found my mortification hilarious blush grin

wigglesrock Mon 20-Mar-17 23:42:34

Just leave it a bit. You made a silly mistake, you didn't mean it but you still did it. It wasn't intentional, you weren't being malicious but that sometimes doesn't really matter if you've hurt someone.
If you've apologised, just let her contact you, it's not really up to her to make you feel better. She could well be in bed, she could be doing other things, she mightn't have getting back to you as a top priority.

DJBaggySmalls Mon 20-Mar-17 23:45:58

OP I once laughed at a combination of first name and surname, not knowing the besotted parents had chosen it for their PFB. They havent spoken to me since. (Think I.P.Freely. and you're not far off.) These things happen, all you can do is apologise then try not to beat yourself up for the next 20 years.

WorraLiberty Could have been worse. You could have announced you have foot in mouth disease.

RachelRagged Mon 20-Mar-17 23:49:06

Don't worry OP , you didn't know.

One of my DSs was born with a red mark on his head that grew outwards for a while and was spongy to touch . Somebody once recoiled and said "Ugh" then she looked horrified . I shrugged, did not take offence but the poor woman was always overly nice ever after. It did in time fade away and now is a small white dot on his scalp .

gincamelbak Mon 20-Mar-17 23:51:44

I would have been absolutely gutted if a jokey comment had been out on my son's picture.

He had a sizeable hemangioma on his forehead when very little. I had enough comments and stares from strangers that made me feel bad enough for him and what people might say to him in the future. I had enough horrible comments from family (FIL referred to it as his defect and deformity. Not jokingly).

Yes, it was a mistake and even then it was just a joke. But it may well just be the tip of the iceberg for the parent. You didn't mean any harm but for the parent, it's one of a hundred "didn't mean any harm" comments that they have to laugh off and say "no, it's OK" in order to make it OK for the person feeling bad.

Apologising is fine. But you can't expect them to forgive you just to make you feel better.

Flyinggeese Mon 20-Mar-17 23:57:23

OP I really think your friend will and should forgive you, it was a completely genuine mistake. To not see that would be really silly. flowers

WorraLiberty Tue 21-Mar-17 00:01:57

I'm not ruling that out DJ grin

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