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To be really angry with DH

(169 Posts)
Motherslittlehinderance22 Mon 20-Mar-17 21:05:11

NC. Bit of history. My DH and myself are "drinkers" and have over the years used drugs recreationally. We appear as nice middle class family.
A few years ago my DH developed a bit of a coke habit. I took it sometimes too but could take it or leave it. I gave him an ultimatum (his family or the drug) when I could see him getting out of control and he quit.
Fast forward 10!years and I have health issues that are preventing me from working. I was prescribed Valium for pain, (28 pills in total) which I stopped taking a few weeks ago but still had about 22 pills left.
I told DH I was taking one last week to help me sleep.....he decided to take a couple just for the hell of it. No big deal. Don't judge.
I left the open packets on the kitchen counter.
I just caught sight of them tonight and noticed they were looking a bit empty.......there are 3 pills left.
I'm furious with him for taking MY medication for starters and for being irresponsible taking a highly addictive drug without telling me, given his previous issues.
I really don't know how to approach this with him. I want to go ballistic at him but don't think this is the right approach as he'll just get defensive.
Any ideas?

GeillisTheWitch Mon 20-Mar-17 21:09:00

But you were ok with him taking "a couple just for the hell of it" so how was he supposed to know you'd have a problem with him taking more? If he has drug issues he shouldn't be having any to start with.

Motherslittlehinderance22 Mon 20-Mar-17 21:10:39

I thought he just had issues with coke......and it's been 10 years.

scottishdiem Mon 20-Mar-17 21:11:21

I think direct confrontation will be bad to be honest. I think taking an approach that highlights concern for him, how quickly he has regressed and concerns for his health. Ask what he was thinking of doing when the pills were finished. Ask if is thinking of taking things regularly or only because they were there. It may be that having them in the house made it very easy to take.

Going ballistic will only make this about you - in the first instance you have to make it about him and your concerns for him. Given his previous problems. Furthermore, dont tell him about the medicines you have. I have a liking for tramadol but DP knows that and never tells me about the painkillers that might be in the house.

Annesmyth123 Mon 20-Mar-17 21:11:29

You should have pulled him up when you knew he had taken a couple.

It's up to you if you think he will get any more - or take yours again. With only 3 left he would need you to get more?

Personally I wouldn't be with someone who had drug or drink issues but that's me.

Maybe look at some sort of lockable box for your tablets?

Motherslittlehinderance22 Mon 20-Mar-17 21:11:38

and drug taking isn't something that's done on a school night.......

highinthesky Mon 20-Mar-17 21:11:41

You already sanctioned him taking your meds, knowing full well that he has a history of more than just dabbling.

Now you're changing the rules? Addiction doesn't respond to logic.

Annesmyth123 Mon 20-Mar-17 21:12:38

Oh well as long as you're nice and middle class on a school night hmm

highinthesky Mon 20-Mar-17 21:12:40

OP are you for real or trolling?!

JustSpeakSense Mon 20-Mar-17 21:13:00

This is so fucked up

scottishdiem Mon 20-Mar-17 21:13:20

Random bad thought - valium as a combo with cocaine is popular.

GTS Mon 20-Mar-17 21:14:59

He has an addictive personality, alcohol, cocaine...why are you surprised that he couldn't be trusted with your medication? You really shouldn't have left them where he could help himself IMO.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 20-Mar-17 21:15:19

Why would ballistic be your only option?

Surely you just say in a neutral questioning tone "what's going on with the valium sweetheart?" and listen to what he says?

Is it because he will act like a junkie, get defensive and bullshit you no matter what you say?

Annesmyth123 Mon 20-Mar-17 21:16:01

He is a junkie. It won't be hard for him to act like one.

BarbarianMum Mon 20-Mar-17 21:18:33

You are surprised by this? Now that's unreasonable.

gandalf456 Mon 20-Mar-17 21:18:40

This is not your fault op even if you were ok taking a couple. He knows. He's not a child. A) it's your medication and b) he knows he has issues as he wouldn't have recognised that and stopped last time. If it were me, I'd respond how I saw fit even if it meant going ballistic. It's not your responsibility to approach in the 'right way'. I am very surprised you managed to get 28 days supply btw. I struggled to get 4 days so didn't get them again as it worked out very expensive. If I were you, I'd get an alternative. Diazepam is highly addictive. And not the only thing they can supply.

Motherslittlehinderance22 Mon 20-Mar-17 21:18:41

Thanks scottish
Yeah I will restrain myself from going ballistic. I just feel a bit sick thinking about how he was with his coke problem. He's such a controlled, nice, honest, hardworking stand up kind of guy.....who I'm imbibes on occasion.
I suppose one positive is that he didn't hide the fact that he took them.....he just left the packets where they were.
I don't need to get anymore for me but if I do in the future, I'm not telling him.

Coincidentally I mentioned to him last night that diazepam (which is what I was prescribed) was Valium and highly addictive. I thought he looked a bit sheepish.

ZilphasHatpin Mon 20-Mar-17 21:19:14

He's a drug addict who you gave permission to take a highly addictive, unprescribed (for him) substance and then left it lying around where he could help himself. You can't really be surprised. He is an addict.

Motherslittlehinderance22 Mon 20-Mar-17 21:25:36

gandalf thanks
Yeah, I think I'm just a bit too nieve and didn't think he'd be tempted....
I got 28 pills, was meant to take 2, 4 times a day for pain (muscle relaxant).....

Yeah thanks everyone else for being so judgmental. Ffs. All you perfect people with no issues. I nearly spat my tea out when I read the "junkie" comment. Yeah he's just like Renton in trainspotting.........🙄

SoulAccount Mon 20-Mar-17 21:33:45

Just be straight up about it.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable - he stopped taking coke when you said enough was enough. He saw some stuff lying were taking it, you didn't seem to be guarding it, he had a few and then a few more...

Talk about it. Resolve that neither of you will use your pain meds for recreation, that you will lock it up (as you should actually - or at least store it in a secure place) and treat it like the expensive NHS prescribed medicine that it is.

Over a bottle of wine, if you must.

RachelRagged Mon 20-Mar-17 21:33:46


What's middle class to do with it ? All classes have their druggies

RJnomore1 Mon 20-Mar-17 21:36:04

Just checking here - are there children in the house? Are you absolutely sure he took them?

SpreadYourHappiness Mon 20-Mar-17 21:38:26

You thought it was "no big deal" for a former drug addict to take a couple of high addictive drugs because it was a school night?

What bollocks. Oh, and yes, I am judging you both, harshly. And no, I'm not perfect, but I've never done drugs.

exAddictsWife Mon 20-Mar-17 21:40:28

I have NC for this.

My DH was a long, long term drug user. Coke, Cannibas, Speed, etc etc. In a terrible, abusive LTR with a similar person.

When we got together he went clean on day 1 and has been ever since (years). Ok, he vapes now (he even quit cigarettes). But is incredibly proud of himself and rightly so. I'm proud of him too. He made a life decision. He won't go back. Well he might, but I'll be gone. The flashbacks he occasionally suffers through long term use are.....interesting.

However, I'm not stupid. I've heard the but I could always take it or leave it line. We have ibuprofen and paracetamol in this house and that's it (as far as he knows) I'd love some codeine sometimes for pain but I cannot and will not bring it into the house. You put it in front of him.

My DH is further along than yours I think OP. When I was on ADs including mirtazapine to aid sleep he hated it. More to do with not wanting anything like that in the house because deep down they are always an addict.

(They are hidden at the back of the cupboard though. I've been off ADs for over a year now - I must chuck them out, this has reminded me)

So, don't be angry. Good luck x

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 20-Mar-17 21:40:58

According to you he has had a coke habit in the past. He is still a drinker. He has secretly taken a whole bunch of your diazepam.

But you spat your tea out at the idea of him as a junkie?

That's quite spectacular denial.

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