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Teenage daughters cheating boyfriend

(11 Posts)
Adestar Mon 20-Mar-17 13:54:08

My daughter (just turned 16) has been with her boyfriend for around one year (he is the same age). Twice she has found about him texting other girls on snap chat asking them to meet and denying he has a girlfriend. She has spoken to both girls and both told her how flirty he was.

He is very cunning at talking his way out of it..and she has taken his side both times and still seeing him.

I'm lucky that she confides in me as I promised not to interfere but just give her guidance BUT seriously expected her to have got shot of him after this kind of crap!

I don't want to welcome this lad into my home anymore. We were away in a caravan at the weekend and took him with us, and turns out he was messaging another female whilst away with us...
Do I sit back and let it play out or close my door to him. He comes from a family of knuckle draggers and don't want to chase my daughter away to his house.

Any thoughts?

BonnyScotland Mon 20-Mar-17 14:21:26

unfortunately the temptation to get involved will be difficult to ignore.. but you know she will immediately defend him... if you do...

She has what she considers as 'the Prize' that these others girls have tried to steal... she won't see that He only stays because she forgives him every single time...

She will learn the hard way... and it will hurt... sadly x

LoriD Mon 20-Mar-17 14:40:26

If she takes him back you have to accept it and move on to because if she stop him coming round or constantly remind her about it then you will drive her away and she won't confide on you in the future.

Me and dp met when we were 16 his mum took a dislike to me and stopped me coming near his house for about 2 years so we just went to mine instead therefore she never knew were her son was and he never told her anything. Now ten years on she doesn't see our dc and isn't part of our lives because she interfere too much.

Your daughter won't listen to you anyway if she loves him she will take him back and make her own mistakes skes so just support her whatever her decision

user1480267413 Mon 20-Mar-17 15:37:22

So sorry for your daughter. I was sixteen when I met my first husband. He was sweet and a real charmer! Because I didn't want to be without him I put up with all his flings. We were together for nine years when we married - he then proceeded to go off with a student of 19. He was 32. Sorry to have gone on but I realise NOW that a I was stupid to put up with it and he didn't change. With the benefit of hindsight I should have got rid of him years before. Just read my message and not sure that it will help you or your daughter. My thoughts are with you both.

Adestar Mon 20-Mar-17 17:40:12

Thanks for your responses. I do worry that she could end up in this in the long term. Hopefully I can help boost her self esteem and eventually she will walk away from it.

LoriD..that's exactly what I dont want. Will just put a face on it when he is around x

RocketQueenP Mon 20-Mar-17 17:45:23

Urgh what a nasty little shite

angry

I guess all you can do is advise DD but not "tell" her what to do. And hope she sees sense. I know from my own experience they don't listen. Unfortunately some of my boyfriends as a teenager really messed me up self esteem wise.

Also I don't want to worry you but I hope she is being careful and using condoms as he is putting both of their sexual health at risk.

Whatsername17 Mon 20-Mar-17 19:28:14

Try telling your dd that you completely support her decision, but you do find it hard seeing her get hurt because she doesn't deserve to be treated badly. Reassure her that as long as she likes him, you like him etc. But when she next comes to you for advice, ask her what she would tell her best friend if she were in this situation. Try and get her to come to the conclusion that she could do better. Take every opportunity to praise her strength and positive attributes. Drop something heavy on his balls 'by accident'.

GotToGetMyFingerOut Mon 20-Mar-17 19:33:14

I wouldn't worry about the long term. Me and my husband were like this when we weren't young. Ended up splitting up at 20 for two and a half years. He's stopped the nonsense before then, it was me that ended it.

He now absolutely hates the way he was and apologises all the time. I trust him with my life. He's an amazing father, very hard working and adores me.

Just take a step back and be there when she needs you but don't get involved. Life's a learning curve and this is setting her boundaries for when she grows up. My dh now knows I absolutely would not condone any type of fuckery. I'd be gone at even a hint of it.

GotToGetMyFingerOut Mon 20-Mar-17 19:33:33

*when we were young

LucyAutumn Tue 21-Mar-17 14:14:18

I had a boyfriend who was exactly the same with me when I was 16, I even found pictures of his neighbours neice in her underwear on his computer and still hung around for a good 2 years!

I think back then although I had an underlying awareness that he was no good I felt very strongly towards him (puppy love) and I also lacked the confidence in myself to stand up for myself.

What I remember of my parents was them remaining inclusive with him and always giving me a positive outlook on who I was as a person and where I was and could be going in my life; eventually it sunk in and one night when he called me up to apologise (again) I told him "I deserve so much better than this", and that was that!

I often look back at the relationship and marvel at how brilliant my parents were; to continue to be civil to him and maintain a close and encouraging relationship with me, it must not have been easy but I really appreciate it now and I'm sure your DD will if you continue to maintain your support for her whilst, letting her find her own way but also whilst being civil to the boyfriend.

Adestar Sat 25-Mar-17 00:34:31

Thank you Lucyautumn. I will take a leaf out your parents book and try the same tactics.

A good friend at school had a go at her today over it and they were close to a big fall out. She won't be confiding on that friend again she said, making me more determined not to close down the communication
Thanks for everyone's great advice.
X

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