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To think that this is nosey from dh's ex wife.

(225 Posts)
AmazingJane67 Mon 20-Mar-17 09:48:35

We have saved to take the dc to Florida this year dd17, ds16, ds7, dd5, ds3 and dss16 dd15.

I am a stay at home mum because of dd5 and ds3. This means dh is paying for the whole holiday. Dh ex has agreed to the holiday (its 4 weeks so most of summer break.) We asked her to pay half the cost for her dc as last year dh paid the whole cost of the holiday for her to go away with them. This was told to her when dh gave her the money for the holiday. It works out less then the cost of the holiday and she has had a year to save. She is now refusing to pay dh and has said that I should pay half and that I am not contributing to the cost of the holiday.

I must make a note dh and ex take in turns to take dc away every year so dh one year, ex the next.

Aibu to think she should mind her own business about finances and me.

WorraLiberty Mon 20-Mar-17 09:52:39

I don't know really. It's a bit of a weird set up all round, booking holidays for the family when you can't really afford to take the whole family.

I think your DH and his ex should cut their cloths accordingly.

I'm not sure whether she has a point or not. Actually, probably not since she agree last year to pay half this year.

Annesmyth123 Mon 20-Mar-17 09:52:54

You can't make her pay for your holiday. If your DH paid for hers last year that's nice of him, but you can't make her pay for part of your holiday.

TBH the "this was told to her" would piss me right off.

HecateAntaia Mon 20-Mar-17 09:54:38

i think he should be remonding her of last year and saying ok if this is what you want, we will stick to our alternate years but i will pay nothing at all towards the holiday on your year and expect nothing from you on mine.

some people have short memories, thats the problem.

Annesmyth123 Mon 20-Mar-17 09:55:48

Also. Half the cost of 4 weeks in Florida is a lot of money. Much more than say, the full cost of a wet weekend in Whitby.

Craicvac Mon 20-Mar-17 09:56:23

I'd pay for them this year, but then expect her to pay if she takes them away next year. Your system seems unnecessarily complex.

Trifleorbust Mon 20-Mar-17 09:56:24

I agree with pp. Is your DH prepared to take your children (both his and his SDCs) for a 4 week trip to Florida entirely at his own cost, but say he can't take his children with his ex because she won't pay for it?

Who pays for it your end is none of her beeswax, of course.

Rainydayspending Mon 20-Mar-17 09:57:19

I would never expect ex to contribute to the holidays I take with our children and (in spite of his feckless nature) he's never been that cheeky either.
It's none of her business how you sort out your finances but it's also not acceptable to make sweeping decisions on luxury expenses and expect a contribution.

WindyBottoms Mon 20-Mar-17 09:58:03

It's odd that they book holidays and then each expect the other to pay part of the cost.

She shouldn't be commenting on your set-up at home, but perhaps it's time for everyone to pay for their own holidays.

unicorn5629 Mon 20-Mar-17 09:58:20

I don't think you and finances are the problem ?! You're a sahp... it's automatically assumed that your finances would come from your husband whilst you take the brunt of childcare surely ?

The problem was they have an agreement and she's changing the terms. I feel sorry for their daughter sad

CountryCaterpillar Mon 20-Mar-17 09:58:24

I think it seems harsh her having to pay half for 2 teenage boys to be in florida for a month when she's not even going with them.

What are her finances like? That's an awful lot for her to have to shell out when she won't even see them for a whole month.

Trifleorbust Mon 20-Mar-17 09:58:36

Plus, is your ex contributing to this? I am assuming that your older DCs aren't your DH's.

TheJiminyConjecture Mon 20-Mar-17 09:59:06

So last year DH paid for his ex wife and DC to go on holiday? Saving her presumably a fair amount of money.

This year she won't contribute to her DC going away but has a dig about you not contributing?

That would be the last time DH paid for her holiday. Maintenance only from now on.

I'd also be tempted for DH to suggest that he could afford to pay for everyone if he hadn't paid last year. So once she pays him back he'll be able to pay for everyone. I'm betting half of the DC holiday is less, so miraculously she'll be able to pay when given the choice.

Wellitwouldbenice Mon 20-Mar-17 09:59:09

I agree with others. Would it be simpler to book a holiday that you can afford for all the family? Or would going for three weeks mean you could afford to pay for everyone?

CountryCaterpillar Mon 20-Mar-17 10:00:56

What trifle says too.
If he's paying for some of his kids to go it seems unfair not to pay for all his kids.

Allthebestnamesareused Mon 20-Mar-17 10:01:22

Is it just the one dss16?

If the agreement was that she should pay half of her DS's holiday this year then she should pay it.

Are some of the children yours alone (and not D's from previous relationship in which case I can see why she is saying that) but it would still be none of her business what the actual arrangement is between you and DH. She doesn't seem to realise that as a SAHM I assume you and DH have an arrangement whereby money is "joint" money and therefore you are contributing already.

The reality is from now on you (as a couple) stick to paying for those you take and she sticks to those she takes (including herself!)

Annesmyth123 Mon 20-Mar-17 10:01:27

4 weeks is a very lot longer than the standard fortnight in the sun. I'd hate mine to be away that long - esp a once in a lifetime destination like Florida. It's a very big ask.

Why can't you all just pay for your own holidays and keep it simple?

GotToGetMyFingerOut Mon 20-Mar-17 10:01:59

Is your ex contributing half the cost for his children?

Stupid set up anyway and obviously was going to end up causing issues.

WorraLiberty Mon 20-Mar-17 10:03:32

Are all the kids your DH's?

Also, why did he pay last year? Was it because his ex couldn't afford to take the kids away?

If so, perhaps she's still fairly skint this year.

Birdsgottaf1y Mon 20-Mar-17 10:03:59

It was an odd arrangement, your financial arrangements should have been separate from hers and there shouldn't have been a full holiday paid for by your DH, with strings attached, but it's done, now.

Your DSS/D are 16?, so all of this is coming to an end, which is some consolation.

In regards to the holiday, you can't do anything about her going back on her promise. Are all the teen children your DH's, or is it because he's paying for 'your' teens, or is their Dad paying half?

Annesmyth123 Mon 20-Mar-17 10:04:06

Did you ask the ex or tell her - you say "told"?

Annesmyth123 Mon 20-Mar-17 10:05:40

You also haven't really saved to take all the dc to Florida. Two are being half paid for by their mum (you want them to be anyway) and three are being half paid for by their dad (because surely you'd make it fair and ask an equal contribution of halves from your ex?)

BarbarianMum Mon 20-Mar-17 10:06:50

Are your older children also your husband's - I'm guessing not. It does seem strange that he'll happily pay their costs but not those of his own children.

MorrisZapp Mon 20-Mar-17 10:08:08

Ok I know it's not the point of the thread but I can't help myself. What is the rough cost of taking two adults, two children and four teenagers to Florida for a month?

I'm just dying to know, sorry!

floatingfrog Mon 20-Mar-17 10:09:10

I think you and your DH should pay for the whole cost. I don't see why she should have to pay anything tbh. Is this a reverse?

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