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To ask what your husband does?

(39 Posts)
Idontneedanotherhero Sun 19-Mar-17 23:16:14

When I was pregnant with my DD (she's nearly 5) we agreed that I would do the housework (once I'd started maternity) and be a SAHP. He would work and bring in the money. Fast forward 5 years, we now have two children and a bigger house, I also work 12 hours a week. Anyway, DH does nothing. Literally nothing. Yes he works hard but from the moment he comes in from work, nothing. Lies on settee and falls asleep. Arghhh. He is not depressed. He just can't be arsed. Is this normal behavior?

BackforGood Sun 19-Mar-17 23:18:23

You get a lot of threads on here complaining about partners who do this, so I don't think it is unheard of behaviour, but personally, I find it odd that any parent who works outside the home all day, doesn't actually want to spend time with their dc when they are at home.

NancyPickford Sun 19-Mar-17 23:20:09

We both work full time. Husband does the supermarket shopping and al the cooking. He does his own laundry, puts out the bins and any DIY stuff. I do the washing up, my own laundry, all the cleaning.

whattheheckisgoingon Sun 19-Mar-17 23:21:37

Do you get any 'time off' - maybe a few hours at the weekend?

yummumto3girls Sun 19-Mar-17 23:23:04

No this is not normal! No one in our house gets to sit down until the chores are done and kids are in bed. Why would he not want to spend time with the children? He should be reading the bedtime story at least! He is lazy and thinks time at home is easier than going out to work, perhaps his eyes need opening and he should be made to be in charge of the house for a few days whilst you have some "me" time!

Coastalcommand Sun 19-Mar-17 23:23:55

I'm on maternity leave so I do most things but he does kitchen bin, loading dishwasher and vacuuming.

JoJoSM2 Sun 19-Mar-17 23:24:12

Washing up, DIY, some cooking (mostly at weekends). I do the cooking and shopping + we get cleaning, ironing and gardening done for us.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Sun 19-Mar-17 23:27:19

My DH has done ds bath ever since he was born. It's his time to see his son. Ds is much older now obviously, but DH still goes upstairs and chats to him when he's getting into the bath... It's their time together. He's never just come home and sat on the couch. Chores, well, yeah - we all have our off days, but not interacting with his ds isn't an option for him.

MsJuniper Sun 19-Mar-17 23:30:16

We both work, have 1 DC and alternate cooking and bed times. We have a cleaner once a fortnight and we don't get too hung up on having a perfect home in between. DH usually does washing, washing up and bins and I do more admin stuff. I do most dropoffs and pickups although DH makes packed lunch every morning. It feels pretty equal, but if one of us is going through a difficult time, the other will pick up the slack.

StylishDuck Sun 19-Mar-17 23:35:03

We both work full time and have 1 DD. DH cleans the bathroom and kitchen and does about 80% of the cooking/washing up and takes he bins out. I do all the washing and ironing, dust and Hoover, change the beds and 20% of the cooking/washing up. We share the food shopping. It works for us, I think it's pretty even.

If I was a SAHP I would expect to do the lions share of the housework but I would also expect DH to share the "childcare" at the weekends and also do some things around the house.

kimann Sun 19-Mar-17 23:38:38

my husband does most of the cooking (he really likes cooking)
deep cleans the carpets
morning breakfast and nursery run with toddler (i have a 6 month old who feeds quite alot sometimes so I'm tired)
Takes over from me at 6pm with baby and i spend time with toddler
He puts both kids to bed
Picks toddler up from nursery (but sometimes i do this too)

I do the rest like the shopping, washing, daily cleaning, ordering flowers for garden, making sure kids have clothes/essentials, dog stuff

We bath kids together and do night time book reading together.

Moanyoldcow Sun 19-Mar-17 23:41:52

I work 3 days, he works 5. He does all the cooking, most of the meal planning, online shop and packs away the shopping. I do most of the housework but it's not set in stone. I do all of the house admin and deal with all suppliers, banks, mortgage providers etc because he's not interested. He does the bins most of the time.

I do all nursery drop offs unless I have an early meeting in which case he will. He and I alternate taking holiday to look after DS when ill but we favour him doing it as he gets masses of annual leave.

We alternate bathtime and bedtime for DS so we don't generally do both on the same night but obviously will if one of us is out/ill/in a bad mood etc.

He goes out maybe 3 times a month as do I. We go our together fairly regularly, once a month ish.

He's not big on DIY but follows my lead on house projects. Very responsible with money and also generous - not at all stingy.

LBOCS2 Sun 19-Mar-17 23:45:10

All the hoovering, bins, cooking at weekends, bedtime for the 4yo every night, probably 2/3rds the baths, mowing the lawn, and one weekend morning and one weekday evening he has them both on his own while I have time to myself. Also works approx 60hrs a week, and does 4x 8hr round journeys a month to collect/drop off DSS. Some laundry when he runs out of pants.

Serin Sun 19-Mar-17 23:46:06

DH works FT, I work PT.

I do all the cooking and shopping, laundry, changing beds and most cleaning, taking DC and pets to most appointments.

DH does pretty much everything else, including, washing up, car related jobs, gardening, fixing things, decorating and tutoring the 15 and 16 yr olds who have exams coming up (DH is a teacher).

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe Sun 19-Mar-17 23:48:23

The mistake was agreeing that he would "bring in the money" while you would do the housework. Bringing in the money is very specific - his role is to go to work. Doing the housework though covers a multitude and it's bloody never ending. Unfortunately it also generally expands (especially if you're a sahm) to mean everything to do with the dc and pretty much all the thinking and planning around home and family.

You took a shit deal Op, it's time to give him a kick in the arse and change the terms!

1horatio Sun 19-Mar-17 23:51:34

Well, I work full-time.

He looks after DD during the day, does some house work (not all of it, we have a cleaning lady who does a lot, also laundry the beds etc and I do some stuff as well) and does most (but not all) nights (I do the nights whenever I don't have work the next day).

He usually cooks on weekdays.

Travelledtheworld Sun 19-Mar-17 23:51:38

Husband is crap at cooking and housework but when the kids were tiny he was champion nappy changer and excellent at playing with them, bath and bedtime story.
He would also get up with the early morning risers at the weekend and let me have a lie in on a Saturday morning.

Itsnotwhatitseems Sun 19-Mar-17 23:52:19

my ex used to do that too, he came home from work (we both worked full time) and lie on the sofa doing nothing. He wore a hole in the sofa where his head was, (he also lost all his hair). He said as I worked in an office my work didn't count as I was on my bum all day whereas he was an electrician so proper work! I had to do everything with the 3 children. His nickname was "Later on" as whenever anyone asked him to do anything that was his reply and it was never done (unless by me)

WizardOfToss Sun 19-Mar-17 23:53:42

Washing up in the morning and making me tea. Chopping logs and building the fire. Taking the bin out. That's it in the week. Weekends, walking the dogs, heavy stuff in the garden.

I do everything else, but then again, I don't do any paid work, nor do we have DC at home.

Your DH sounds like he's checked out of family life. Time for a serious conversation?

Cwandry Mon 20-Mar-17 00:01:08

Plays golf and poker mainly. Hahaha. I haven't worked for the last few years but he runs a business. We both do quite a lot of volunteer work. I do the laundry and most cooking. He does a bit of cooking. We have a cleaner and the garden is looked after by owners of our house. We rent so no DIY. He helps the kids with their homework.

our kids are older 8 to 13 so they make their own beds, do the dishwasher and do the bins etc.
I think I do more but he brings me a cup of tea in bed every morning and gets massive kudos for that!!!

QueenArseClangers Mon 20-Mar-17 00:05:16

DH works full time, I'm a SAHM (5 kids) and a bit poorly after an op.
Today he did three loads of washing, drying, putting away.
Then hoovering, dishwasher and a bit of dusting. He played with young kids, bathed toddler and cleaned kitchen worktops after making packed lunches.
Yesterday he took DC to ballet, let me have a lie in, cleaned the bathrooms and did more washing.
During the week I look after DC and do housework as and when. I normally cook, do night wakings and house admin.
When DH gets back from work we split whatever needs to be done 50/50.
I can't think of anything more unattractive than man who doesn't pull his weight at home.
I fucking love my DH grin

Cosmicglitterpug Mon 20-Mar-17 00:05:45

I don't work and he works full time.

He does most bedtimes and cooks a bit on the weekend. Some gardening. All the bills and admin. Some light clearing up, emptying the dishwasher that kind of thing. Spends a lot of time with kids at weekend.

Beachedwh4le Mon 20-Mar-17 00:08:53

We call them pink and blue jobs don't kill me for that sexism

I shop for groceries and cook - he does the rest of the cleaning

With the kids it's pretty even, he works from home so does the sick days and the pick ups after sports and I help with home works etc

DramaAlpaca Mon 20-Mar-17 00:11:25

He does a lot, he always has.

JonesyAndTheSalad Mon 20-Mar-17 00:17:16

Mine works mostly 5 days. When he's not working he does the gardening and the DIY (old house so a lot of maintenance) and he will wash up and do laundry but I always need to ask otherwise he assumes I'm doing it

Thats' because I am a SAHM. I do mostly all housework. I don't mind though...I'm happy with that. When DH has a day off, he usually does whatever I ask him to do to help me.

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