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To plan a 8-9 year age gap

(15 Posts)
sharktoothcushion Sun 19-Mar-17 23:04:37

Background, I am 29 he is 30, we have one 3 (almost 4) year old DS. He was a a planned for the future, but came a few years earlier surprise.

We live for our little boy, every weekend we go OTT on trips out to the zoo, museums, art galleries, the beach wherever!

When we fell pregnant we was both at turning points in our career, so I had to return to work full time when DS was 6 months and me and DP have been sharing the load since. I am aching to have a full maternity experience..

We have a semi perfect relationship. We do argue! But rarely, we mainly just bicker about who took the last Diet Coke or the last hobnob..

We both want another child some day, we did think we would have one sooner, but I went self employed as a consultant and DP is basically stuck in a pay bracket for a couple of years (he does a niche job so can't really break out).

DS is going to school in September, I am possibly getting a high paid perm role at the place I am consulting at now, but would need to work my but off to get there. And then work a couple of years before I felt comfortable taking time off for mat.

I think it would be ideal to have another when I am in my early 30s or mid 30s, is that a strange thing to do? It would be such a big gap between my first and second (of all goes to plan)!

orkneyfudge Sun 19-Mar-17 23:08:48

There's no such thing as strange - easy to say I know, but please don't worry too much about what others think. We have 3 children in a 2 bedroom house and also have a 7.5 year age gap between child 2 & child 3 and I couldn't give a stuff what people think.

It sounds like you've got a great plan and good careers to take care of - wish I'd done a bit more of that myself!

lilydaisyrose Sun 19-Mar-17 23:12:02

PS I am LOVING baby 3 (12w old). It's like having my first baby again but with loads of confidence and I'm so chilled out. I'm loving that the older two are at school and we get loads of time together. I can now see the benefits of a large gap (I have a small gap between child 1 and child 2 and I can barely recollect the baby/toddler years).

ListenToYourHeart Sun 19-Mar-17 23:13:32

I think you should do what works for you.

I have a 7 year old and a 2 month old, baby wasn't planned but we wanted one in the future (my older DD is from a previous relationship). Anyway it's great, my older DD adores her sister, is at an age where she can help out with getting the change stuff, rock the buggy, sing/talk to the baby and help out with the fun things. She's also at an age where when I'm busy with the baby she understands and can go off and do her own thing.

I was so worried about the age gap, and worried they wouldn't bond but honestly it's great grin

NeverTwerkNaked Sun 19-Mar-17 23:18:30

I think it is fine, sounds like the right decision for your family and that's all that matters

Our oldest is 10 and youngest is 3 and they get along really well. There is also no competition between them which is nice. My only advice would be to make sure you plan separate activities with each child sometimes. But there will be plenty of ways they will enjoy each other's company smile

sharktoothcushion Sun 19-Mar-17 23:22:21

Thanks I was pretty sure I wasn't BU! But would like to here big she gaps working to reassure me!

Me and my sister have 9 years between us, and I hated her growing up (parents was always working so was an inbuilt babysitter!) so that what's making me feel a bit meh!

sharktoothcushion Sun 19-Mar-17 23:25:22


And the rest, new iOS update! Just about getting used to it!

Winniethepooer Sun 19-Mar-17 23:29:30

I have dc now in their 20's, teens, primary & nursery so done the age gap you describe & bigger.

There's alot to be said for it.

Only down side possibly is that my dc don't have friends/activities in common, that sort of thing.
But they are very close & get on well...
(Still fight too!!)

novemberontrumpwatch Sun 19-Mar-17 23:55:09

I have a 20 year gap! smile

BertieBotts Mon 20-Mar-17 00:00:57

We're sort of planning the same only we've been trying for a year now! And the reason is that DS is from a previous relationship of mine, but very much future-planned but came along too soon as well.

I want to have two more because I want the close age gap. I don't want to effectively have two only children. But other than that I think there are probably a lot of benefits to it - and yes to no enforced babysitting! smile But will be nice to be able to have an older child around as they can be more helpful, it's just making sure you don't take advantage I reckon.

kel1493 Mon 20-Mar-17 00:08:59

There's a 10 year age gap between each of my mums children's I'm nearly 24, my brother is 14 and my sister is 4.

Joey7t8 Mon 20-Mar-17 06:30:00

I had school friend that had a 10 year gap to his older brother. He was effectively an only child as far as his home life was concerned, of which there are pros and cons.

Soapandglory Mon 20-Mar-17 07:51:42

Whatever works for you.

We've got a 7 year age gap and it's ok.

There are loads of positives. The eldest was at school so got loads of time with the baby, eldest really helpful, no jealousy. Didn't have a toddler round my feet with a newborn.

The are some downsides, they don't have anything in common, but they do still keep each other company, it's more tricky to find activities they both enjoy, but we do make it work. It can be quite a shock going back to sleepless nights and nappies after all that time.

I do wish I'd had one a bit little sooner but sometimes you can't for all sorts of reasons and it works ok for us.

FittonTower Mon 20-Mar-17 08:25:00

There are 9 years between me and my youngest sister 2 and we've always got on so well. I did do a lot of babysitting for her but it was always a choice so I never resented it.
I have gaps of 2, 4 and 7 years between other siblings and I get on fine with those but my best relationship is with my youngest sister. Not that any age gap guarantees a good relationship but no age gap precludes it either

DixieNormas Mon 20-Mar-17 09:23:57

I have 8 years between ds1 &2 and 8 years between ds 2 & 3. I much prefer the 8 year gaps to the 22 month one I have between ds3 & 4!

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