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AIBU?

To speak to the teacher

59 replies

Cookingongas · 19/03/2017 21:06

Dd (7) came home from school last Friday with a story. She always tells us everything about her day, and does embellish somewhat (told the teacher she's fallen off a cliff to break her ankle- believably enough that the teacher approached me to ask how this came pass?!?! - it was actually a flower pot she fell off)

She's told us that boy x and girl y in her class pulled down their underwear and touched their willy/fanny. She's promised not to tell. She's asked me if her friend will have a baby now. I've explained in age appropriate terms etc, but I want to approach the school and discuss this. Dh isn't sure because he doesn't want dd "interviewed" and made to feel uncomfortable (not to mention she's sworn is to silence)

Wwyd? Can the school do anything? Is it kids being kids or something to keep an eye on? Plus I'm suddenly very uncomfortable with the mixed gender toilets :(

OP posts:

Report

PlayOnWurtz · 19/03/2017 21:08

You need to raise this with the school. Yes she embellishes the truth but there is still an element of it in her story about her ankle (she fell off something) there are potentially one or two children being exposed to abuse or pornography and even if it's just childhood exploration they need telling school is not the place for it

Wolfiefan · 19/03/2017 21:10

She's not embellishing stories though is she? That cliff story was a lie.
You can't ignore this but I would worry that DD could be lying again. Speak to safeguarding at the school. Something is likely to have transpired.

mollyblack · 19/03/2017 21:10

I hardly ever contact the school about stuff but I definitely would about this.

PlayOnWurtz · 19/03/2017 21:11

But it's an oddly specific thing to lie about

Cookingongas · 19/03/2017 21:14

Well, the cliff was a lie- but she'd included it as a tiny detail "i broke my ankle, fell off a cliff, in the hospital there was a man who.... and when they put a cast in I FAINTED" it was the fact that she passed over the cliff as such a minor detail and continued with the rest of the actual detailed facts is what made it believable.

But yes, I suppose she does lie sometimes and I've been seeing it as embellishment

OP posts:

Spottytop1 · 19/03/2017 21:15

Where did DD say this touching happened?

Cookingongas · 19/03/2017 21:16

The toilets. They're mixed gender but all cubicles

OP posts:

Spottytop1 · 19/03/2017 21:18

Ah ok & staff don't supervise?

Falafelings · 19/03/2017 21:18

This is a safe guarding issue. It potentially could be quite serious and so it must be reported. First thing tomorrow.

Your daughter needs to learn that she can't keep such secrets. Maybe talk to her about secrets that are ok and secrets that aren't ok.

The fact your daughter told her teacher a small ankle breaking fantasy is irrelevant. It's quite normal behaviour!

Wolfiefan · 19/03/2017 21:19

I wouldn't dismiss this as kids being kids. Kids run, kids play, kids laugh. Kids shouldn't be getting their bits out for members of the opposite sex. They should know the pants rule.

Falafelings · 19/03/2017 21:20

My kids are always pulling my leg with stories, they are always humorous and slightly crazy

Cookingongas · 19/03/2017 21:21

No the staff don't supervise. They do the young ones - but not the top year. I know this to be the case, I'm there when I volunteer as parent reader.

OP posts:

Spottytop1 · 19/03/2017 21:23

Then it is plausible and needs to be spoken about with teacher.

Id have a quiet word with teacher or senior leader tomorrow morning. Could just be 'exploring' but you never know so best to report.

Broccolirevolution · 19/03/2017 21:25

Cooking when my eldest was 7 he told his teacher loads of lies / embellishments like your DD. The teacher told me it was so common and your DDs the teacher will know exactly what 7 year olds are like. Tell the school about this. Even if it is a lie from your DD, it's better safe than sorry.

Wolfiefan · 19/03/2017 21:26

You might find that these are children the school has safeguarding concerns about already. It's all useful evidence and needs to be recorded.

Cookingongas · 19/03/2017 21:28

Thanks all. I was fairly sure, but dh made me question. I will speak to the head tomorrow ( tiny little school- I know all teachers and parents and the head by first name- head is the only one with an office where I can guarantee no one can eavesdrop)

OP posts:

Muchimoo · 19/03/2017 21:48

Its not the same thing but a similar thing happened at my eldest school recently. He is 7 (Y3) and there have been some girls who been following him around, saying that one of them is in love with him. Normal sort of playground innocence I thought until he told me one girl said to him "I want to have sex with you." !!! Age 7.....I went straight to teacher who was shocked. They said had definitely done the right thing informing them as not appropriate and they are looking into it. So I think from what you have said, you definitely should speak to school. My DS is also known to embellish but you cant be too careful especially if they say something of this nature.

thatdearoctopus · 19/03/2017 21:48

You absolutely must inform the Head Teacher. It's up to her to get to the bottom (so to speak!) of it as a matter of urgency. It's her job as Safeguarding Officer. If there's nothing to it, then great. If it's true, then it needs dealing with.

Benedikte2 · 19/03/2017 21:50

I think you're doing the right thing OP. -- safeguarding issue all round and the staff can untangle the facts. Knowing the children they will be able to handle the matter discreetly.

wtffgs · 19/03/2017 21:55

Tell the school exactly what she said. Don't add anything else. They will take it from there. I'm a bit at your H. This might have been a lark but could be a sign if something awful happening to a child/children. Your job isn't to decide. Just tell them. The school may or may not have other stuff which is concerning.

Porpoiselife · 19/03/2017 22:26

I'd speak to the head. It doesn't sound like something made up.

There was a thread a while ago where someone asked how old to teach kids about sex. There were loads of people who said they had told their dd or ds as early as age 4! About actual penetrative sex. Not a child version. I thought then, no wonder kid on kid sexual assault is on the rise , they are probably trying out what they've been told is normal by their parents. I think this sounds more like curiosity than anything though.

Cookingongas · 19/03/2017 23:34

Poirspoise- I've had to tell dd about the fact that men and women put their willy and fanny together to make babies. She's asked. Before this. I'm of the opinion that when children ask you tell. Age appropriately. A special cuddle is where Ive drawn the line.

OP posts:

Schooldramabannana · 20/03/2017 01:22

I'm sorry but you've told your 7 year old that men and women put their willies and Fannies together to make babies??
In those terms?
I would wonder if that's the reason she's now coming home saying girls and boys have shown each other their parts and wondering now if they'll have a baby because of it!

Italiangreyhound · 20/03/2017 02:02

Yes, tell the school. Of course you need to.

Schooldramabannana I told my dd the facts of life quite young, she as never report any touching in the toilets. Children knowing how babies are made are not going to attempt to make them. But maybe it has made the OP's daughter more aware of what could happen (if they were 12 and not 7 for example).

Porpoiselife do you really think children knowing about sex will lead to sexual assaults? Isn't it more likely children will understand more about sex at an earlier age but still know it is not for children. My dd is 12 and is learning about periods after she has started them. She is also learning about sex but I am pretty sure she is not planning on having any! (and I am not a naive parent, I do talk to my dd)

SchnitzelVonCrumb · 20/03/2017 02:50

I think it's more the innacurate terminology being used rather than the fact sex is being discussed...

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