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To think no, I wasn't in a strop, I was just sick of being insulted.

(225 Posts)
HarrietKettleWasHere Sun 19-Mar-17 18:18:19

My brother and his wife had a baby a few days ago. It's my parents' first grandchild, my first time as an Auntie. First chance I've had to get to see my new nephew was today so I got the train up (live 200 or so miles away)

My mum and I do not get on, I tend to keep my distance, so I wasn't really thrilled to see her car parked outside their house when I got there. In fact my brother's wife's parents were there aswell, as were her siblings, and my stepdad, it was an unofficial wet-the-baby's head thing that I had known nothing about. Anyway I was really excited to meet my new nephew- my brother's was holding him and he was awake so she asked me if I'd like a cuddle. As she went to pass him to me my mum says in front of everybody 'oh for God's sake be careful, don't know if this is a good idea, you've always been cack-handed (??) and clumsy, don't drop him!!' Then proceeded to make comments such as 'Does it feel weird to you holding a little baby, you probably don't feel anything do you, never expressed any interest in babies have you' and when he made a tiny grizzle said 'oh you better give him back, he's probably sensed you don't like babies!'.

I sort of laughed it off. Really awkwardly. But she wouldn't stop. i'd bought him a little baby romper suit thing but got that wrong aswell because I'd bought the 3-6 months and not the 0-3 (didn't I know he was a newborn??) when my brother asked if I'd like to hold him again she piped up that I was probably only just 'recovering' from having to hold an actual live baby the first time.

She always makes me feel like shit anyway and I can't do anything right sad I ended up leaving early and drinking a couple of gin and tonic at the station and mooching about as I had an advance ticket that I couldn't use for a couple of hours. My mum said I was 'stropping' off as I couldn't take a joke. Wanted a nice pic of me holding the baby but I just look awkward and nervous.

FWIW I do like babies. DP and I have discussed having our own in the next couple of years. He knows what my mum is like and tried to persuade me not to go up there without him for support but he was working today and I got too excited and I thought my mum would be nice for once since it was a happy event. Stupid of me. I should have stood up for myself and I'm kicking myself now but I didn't want to cause a scene. She has MAJOR form for making me feel like shit but can't she just leave me be just once? Unless I can see my brother and his wife and the baby away from her I don't think I'll bother going up there for a while.

Thinking about it she's probably driving them nuts to by being 'on hand'. She only lives down the road and doesn't work so is apparently there every single day.

Soubriquet Sun 19-Mar-17 18:21:12

Oh bless you flowers

You was strong not to tell her to shut up frankly

Don't let her get to you. I bet you will be a brilliant mum

HarrietKettleWasHere Sun 19-Mar-17 18:28:11

Thanks Soubriquet. I wish I had told her to shut up though!

ExplodedCloud Sun 19-Mar-17 18:28:18

She sounds a right trial. How long until SIL is on here with a MIL thread?

MumBod Sun 19-Mar-17 18:28:27

She sounds bloody dreadful.

Honestly.

You sound like a lovely auntie. Arrange a visit for when your mother won't be there, and enjoy practising.

You'll be a lovely mum. Better than yours.

flowers

amberdillyduck Sun 19-Mar-17 18:29:45

3-6 months is better. Everyone buys 0-3 and most don't get worn so don't worry about that.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sun 19-Mar-17 18:31:48

Sounds like the baby has a nicer aunt than a gm!!

WineAndTiramisu Sun 19-Mar-17 18:32:34

I always buy 3-6 months for presents, if everyone buys 0-3, the parents would run out very early on and most wouldn't have gotten much wear!

Mammylamb Sun 19-Mar-17 18:32:38

I was delighted with 3-6 month old clothes; baby will grow into it

SanitysSake Sun 19-Mar-17 18:33:05

I have something similar. With my mother and sister.

I have started coming equipped with the phrase:

'Oh DO fuck off'.

Makes for a conversation stopper, that's for sure grin

Smartiepants79 Sun 19-Mar-17 18:34:13

Buying clothes in the next size up is genius and much appreciated by parents. Baby will have grown out of all his newborn stuff in a heart beat and then in a few weeks he can wear what you've bought.
Your mother sounds exceptionally hard work an unkind. Your SIL is going to need the patience of a saint.
Next time phone your DB and ensure she won't be there. Have faith in your ability to be a great Aunt and ignore, ignore , ignore!

HarrietKettleWasHere Sun 19-Mar-17 18:34:40

I bought 3-6 months as I read on Mumsnet that everyone gives a newborn 0-3 as a present then they run out of things to wear once they start growing!

Glad to know I did get that bit right after all!

hesterton Sun 19-Mar-17 18:34:56

Oh your poor sister in law. If you have children, don't let your mum near!

junebirthdaygirl Sun 19-Mar-17 18:34:58

You sound like a wonderful auntie and you did buy the right present. You dm sounds dreadful. Could you say something to her like stop passing comments on me its not funny and lm sick of it.

Frouby Sun 19-Mar-17 18:37:02

I always buy 3 to 6 months for new babies. They get so much in the first size and the newborn haze has worn off by then. So it's nice to have something posh in a bigger size rather than the basic brands parents revert to when they realise how much poo babies create!

I always had similar comments before I had my dcs. Apparently because I had a career and lived alone for a good few years I would never have babies and didn't like them. I was only 27 when I had dd and everyone was really shocked and wondered how I would cope etc.

Anyway. I have 2 dcs. They are both gorgeous, both completely not dropped on their heads and I am a bloody good mum! They are polite (if you ignore ds picking his nose occasionally), funny, well spoken, bright, social and outgoing.

Ignore your mother. Drink more gin.

PickAChew Sun 19-Mar-17 18:37:23

Aye, babies grow!

You did well not to lamp her.

troodiedoo Sun 19-Mar-17 18:37:35

3-6 months perfect! Your mum sounds like a dick. You did well to keep calm. Hugs from me flowers

OutComeTheWolves Sun 19-Mar-17 18:40:02

I literally just came on to type that 3-6 months is a much better choice than 0-3 and I see everyone else is in agreement too! YANBU!

CJCreggsGoldfish Sun 19-Mar-17 18:41:03

OP you sound lovely! I always buy baby clothes large (I've just bought 9-12months for my friend as her MIL went a bit crazy buying baby clothes).

For what it's worth, anyone else in the room who heard your mum would think she's a dick (well, any decent person would). They probably wouldn't speak up as she's your mother and it's not normally the 'done thing', but they would have thought it.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips Sun 19-Mar-17 18:42:42

YANBU. It's hopefully not going to be too long before your SIL tells your mum to fuck off, then you'll be fine to visit at your leisure. You also definitely did right on the sizing of the babygro. If I were you I'd give your brother a ring and let him know how you loved meeting your nephew and how the issue is your mum's.

toffeeboffin Sun 19-Mar-17 18:43:08

3-6 months is ideal, 0-3 are always too small. As everyone else had said grin

Cack handed comment is just ridiculous, sounds like she's projecting her insecurities onto you.

I'd avoid her TBH.

googietheegg Sun 19-Mar-17 18:43:21

Do you have your sil or bro's email address or FB messenger? I'd contact them to say how lovely it was to see them and how terrific the baby is etc, then say that your mum makes you feel like shit so you left. I'd open the dialogue between the three of you so that your mum doesn't come between you. She sounds awful and I'm sorry sad

toffeeboffin Sun 19-Mar-17 18:43:41

How come you live 200 miles away?!

AshesandDust Sun 19-Mar-17 18:44:51

You're a lovely auntie, OP.
Perhaps a mn, 'do you mean to be so rude,' next time. wink

ScarlettFreestone Sun 19-Mar-17 18:49:25

Why not invite your DV and his family down to visit you for a weekend when the baby is a bit older? Then you can have some time to yourself with them.

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