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to put something to the effect of "we are not receiving visitors this summer" on fucking Facebook so I don't have to field eleventy hundred requests to come and visit from friends?

(93 Posts)

Help me grow a (polite) backbone!

Basically we moved somewhere very scenic and with plenty of space for visitors a few years ago. Our friends from far and wide love coming here. We like to see them so that's all good BUT... last summer nearly fucking finished me off. Endless visitors for a few days at a time with hardly a chance to draw breath between them, all of whom wanted to "just chill out" and "let's go for a walk round the woods, you're so lucky having this on your doorstep" and "really enjoy not hearing traffic 24/7" and sleep in til 11 every day so days out became stupidly long and late etc etc. They've frequently driven a long way to see us so don't want to do any long car journeys for day trips either.

We are bored of the fucking woods. We walk round them twice a fucking week. The blissful silence that other people relish so much about our home is bloody boring when it's your life day in day out! We want to go for long days out to places with traffic and museums and proper shops!

We can't afford a proper holiday so we are technically "here" and we do genuinely like our friends company but it just got so crushingly BORING last year. They always bring food and chip in with cooking etc so it's not like they are taking advantage as such, but none of them can seem to recognise that their welcome break is just more of the fucking same for us!

I've already fielded 3 friends wanting to know when is good to come and visit over the summer and have so far been non-committal. But what I want to do is post on Facebook that we are planning a summer to ourselves this year and then hopefully not have to deal with endless friends wanting to come for their budget holiday here!

Is this terrible etiquette? How should I even phrase it? Help!

PS it's not as incongruous as it sounds to say that we live somewhere scenic with loads of room for guests but have no money for a holiday of our own - our house is tied to DPs job and comes with plenty of space for people to camp or stay in basic accomodation (think farm hand or campsite worker).

StillDrivingMeBonkers Sun 19-Mar-17 15:47:12

House swapsies?

Give them the keys to yours, you get the keys to theirs and you can do some city stuff whilst they gambol in bluebell woods?

I know! I am indeed, genius! wink

JennyOnAPlate Sun 19-Mar-17 15:48:08

No it's not terrible etiquette! I would just put "we've had a few requests but unfortunately we're unable to have visitors this year." That's all you need to say. Anyone who questions you after that is just plain rude!

Oh that's clever actually... except they'd all be like "oh but we want to see you!" plus they all live in places like Doncaster

BoBaraMoMara Sun 19-Mar-17 15:49:15

Where do you live? - want to house swap zone 2 London? wink

Look, I had the same with people coming through Heathrow. I think everyone we ever knew has come through Heathrow flying somewhere else in the world, they have 8 to 10 hour layover and expect us to drop everything and show them the best of London or the area in 10 hours. It was fun the first 2 times then I had friends who put their friends in contact with us!

I just had to start saying that we were busy and being far more selective on who I met up with.

Just learn to say NO. You are busy, etc. Once you start then you gain momentum and it gets easier!

Eatingcheeseontoast Sun 19-Mar-17 15:50:00

I was thinking house swaps too. Could keep everyone happy...

LittleBearPad Sun 19-Mar-17 15:50:31

Definitely house swap.

BoBaraMoMara Sun 19-Mar-17 15:51:28

I meant to say that "it was fun the first 2 times then after about the 15th guest, I was fed up!

Eatingcheeseontoast Sun 19-Mar-17 15:52:08

Doncaster is near lovely stuff. Have overlap weekends, and just say you fancy a break too..

haveacupoftea Sun 19-Mar-17 15:52:18

Just say DPs employer wont allow it/ has the spaces booked out for the summer?

RandomMess Sun 19-Mar-17 15:52:33

I would say "You're welcome to come and use our place as a B&B and we can catch up in the evenings BUT we'll we've got day out plans so can't hang around just chilling with you guys"

I've invited people on that basis just because I think 4 days together can be a bit much tbh!

Bloodybridget Sun 19-Mar-17 15:52:51

Difficult one! Completely understand how fed up you got last year with doing the same things over and over with one lot of visitors after another - just having other people in the house so much would finish me off, even if they took themselves out and about every day.

But I think putting a message on Facebook could look rather rude, and make friends who had visited you feel uncomfortable. If it was me, I'd respond to requests individually, so you can tailor your reply to the individual, and there might be a few people you would like to see, anyway.

Hello x, great to hear from you. We'd love to meet up if you're in the area, but we really overdid it with house guests last year so we've decided to keep things very quiet in 2017. I'm sure you'll understand!

Good luck and hope you don't have to get very blunt with pushy types!

sick0fmykids Sun 19-Mar-17 15:53:08

House swap with an evening over lap. So you have dinner together and then you head to theirs the next day!

Dreadfulidea Sun 19-Mar-17 15:58:28

House swap is inspired.
The only other solution is to have a 10 day open door policy. So anyone can come but only at a certain time. It would be a shame not to see people especially since you have lots of friends so you obviously good at it. They can all relax and you get a really lively week.
We have friends with a similar problem that have a house abroad. Invaded every summer and they spend their whole holiday looking after people instead of chilling.

Littleballerina Sun 19-Mar-17 16:00:36

Just say no.

MatildaTheCat Sun 19-Mar-17 16:02:26

It sounds as if you enjoy it to some degree but had too much last year. I would decide how much you actually want to host and then block out the periods of time when you don't want to. If that's several months in a row that's fine.

Then explain that last year was rather overwhelming so you are doing things a bit differently this year. Tell them in advance that you won't be able to spend the entire visit doing walks etc but they are welcome to do their own thing. Indeed,mprovide a few leaflets etc for days out.

My parents had this and I do as well to some degree ( London) but nobody expects us to run around after them or drive them around non stop.

Glossolalia Sun 19-Mar-17 16:03:34

NU at all! This would really irritate me.

Posting a FB message is a fine idea.

statetrooperstacey Sun 19-Mar-17 16:05:44

That is inspired bonkers !

justwanttoweeinpeace Sun 19-Mar-17 16:05:55

Alternatively a few sporadic cases moments on fb about your reoccurring bed bug problem, the perils of living in the country etcetc.

That should quieten it down. grin

justwanttoweeinpeace Sun 19-Mar-17 16:06:22

Cases moments? Updates!

Bloody phone.

VimFuego101 Sun 19-Mar-17 16:08:21

Would you mind them being there if they just went off and did their own thing every day? If so, tell them they're more than welcome but you won't be able to play tour guide.

Haha justwanttowee I bet it wouldn't. The set up here is somewhat... eccentric (which is a big part of the draw for friends) and they'd just find it hilarious and offer to bring their own bedding.

House swap might well work with one set of friends and I'm actually going to suggest it to them. The rest are either too far are way for us to travel to or live in places we REALLY aren't interested in spending time in confused I do think I'm going to need to issue some sort of blanket notice because it's just doing my head in already dealing with requests!

Vim mostly they have children and my children want to play with their children so it's really hard to just go "right we're off" and go to do our own thing. Maybe I could just dump the children on the visitors though and vanish for romantic days out with DP grin

Trollspoopglitter Sun 19-Mar-17 16:11:36

Compose an email and send it to all of them together as a generic reply. That way they will realise it's not personal and that you actually get a lot of these requests.

Don't announce on FB because people will email you anyway, thinking it doesn't apply to them or because they will miss it among other stuff in their feeds.

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