Is when she leaves the relationship. There is a clear statistical rise in the probability of violence and murder when a woman tries to leave a violent partner.
It isn't just as easy as: collect kids, papers and move out. Women need somewhere safe to move too (increasingly difficult due to massive slashing of specialist services), they need the police to take it seriously (doesn't always happen & police officers are more likely to be perpetrators than the general public with all the subsequent consequences), they need to ensure their children remain safe (Families need fathers rhetoric is putting children at risk of violence and murder), and they need to be able to feed and house their children (increasingly difficult due to the state sanctioned financial abuse of austerity & the destruction of child maintenance).
Telling a woman to leave isn't helpful when there is nowhere to go and her partner/ husband is a high risk perpetrator. Helping a woman find the resources to get away safely is what is needed.
We need more refuges for women with children, refuges women with substance abuse issues (very few available and keeping women addicted is a way to control them), and an end to violent fathers being legally sanctioned to continue controlling and abusing their children and former partners through contact and maintenance.
Not every woman can leave. Sometimes they remain trapped because they know the partner will kill their children. When there is no place safe to hide, telling a woman she's a crap for not leaving is just cruel.
I've seen so many threads recently telling women they lack self-respect and 'just need to leave' when they are first getting to grips with their experiences as DV rather than 'normal'. Too many people suggesting that lawyers offer a 'free half hour' (which most don't and a lawyer with no understanding of DV is hardly helpful).
A little bit of compassion goes a long way.
And an end to the 'my husband does nothing about the house so you should be grateful yours does dishes once a week'. A man who does nothing to care for his children or around the house isn't a good dad. He's pretty much the definition of a shit father.
No one deserves to have to live with a lazy and selfish man. No one deserves to be told that DV is their fault for having no self respect by not leaving.
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StewieGMum · 19/03/2017 10:32
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