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Who is BU me or DH? Kitchen cupboards

(18 Posts)
Meekonsandwich Sat 18-Mar-17 19:19:05

Okay. So. I am in the middle of working 8 days in a row. Some 11 hour days, some 6 hour days, this morning I was looking forward to a lie in and resting my foot as it feels as though ive sprained it ( my work involvesstanding for hours on concrete).
Dh gets up and announces he's going to clear the kitchen cupboards out.
Tbh I'm confused as the living room and bedroom are bomb sites so this would be pretty far down my list of priorities but whatever!
He then comes back upstairs and says
"Theres a pile of stuff on the kitchen side, have a look and see what youwant to keep"
I go downstairs and see the contents of the cupboards out on the sides (why do a job then ask me to do the whole job?!?!) Along with my hello kitty plates and mugs and things i got as gifts. I roll my eyes.
He says "I'll put it all in the bin then shall I?" So I get to sorting, annoyed he's put my things in the "bin" pile (as the things he wanted to keep like his mugs and plates and food in cupboard)

Basically I told him it was disrespectful and I was annoyed.
He's adamant he wouldn't have put it in the bin without my permission (despite the day before asking me if I wanted to keep something, me saying yes and him putting it in the bin anyway,soyes forgive me I did think he would have put it in the bin if I had stayed in bed and said bugger off i dont want to sort the cupboards)

So I've sat on this all day at work and come home and spoken to him about it and he honestly does not see what he did wrong, he said he did me a favour and if I had done that to him he would have been thrilled.

Who is being unreasonable here???

TheNewSchmoo Sat 18-Mar-17 19:25:36

You for having Hello Kitty plates?

AntiGrinch Sat 18-Mar-17 19:26:58


Everything about it is unreasonable.

The only thing that was a bit U from you was you could conceivably have said, when he said "I'm going to sort out the kitchen cupboards" - you could have said "really, babe? Why not leave them for now and we can do them together when I'm feeling a bit better - the living room and bedroom could both do with a tidy though"

If you had said that, then we would know whether he would have said "yep ok" or refused to consider that POV. I suspect the latter but it is only a guess.

So tell him you don't want him to make any more decisions like this without you. Even just as things piled up to "bin" that you then have to actively negotiate that are not binned. Say from now on, any tidying he wants to do has to be maintenance tidying, and there is plenty of that to do

He'll get the hump of course

amberdillyduck Sat 18-Mar-17 19:28:27

Are you teenagers?

Chloe84 Sat 18-Mar-17 19:30:14

Does he do his fair share of housework?

If he shirks housework but suddenly decided to empty kitchen cupboards and expected you to put most of it away, then YANBU.

I agree it's better to sort out living room and bedroom before kitchen cabinets.

TheNewSchmoo hilarious hmm

Chloe84 Sat 18-Mar-17 19:31:39

amberdillyduck do you have anything constructive to add?

BellyBean Sat 18-Mar-17 19:39:14

Yanbu he should have cleared the main rooms before tackling deep cleaning, but even if the cupboards had been bugging him, if HE wanted to do them, it shouldn't have involved you to that extent. He could have left a pile of your stuff til you felt like looking at it.

Meekonsandwich Sat 18-Mar-17 19:40:24

Lol I'm 22 he's 29, and I did say to him I could have handled it better and said " let's do this together tomorrow" but we thought we d ask you guys for a laugh, and see who took who's side!

Leave the hello kitty plates alone. They were gifts and if grown adults can enjoy Disney I can enjoy hello kitty!!!

Billybonkers76 Sat 18-Mar-17 19:40:27

I think YABU. He has sorted the cupboards and put your things aside for you to to sort through. Not sure why you got so snarky. Hello kitty Plates and mugs hmm
I'm not surprised he doesn't know what he did wrong, possibly because he didn't do anything wrong.

Meekonsandwich Sat 18-Mar-17 19:50:37

Because (for example another job that needs doing) if I had gotten him up and pulled his wardrobes contents out onto the floor and said "sort through this" I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have been very happy!

StrugglingFirstTimeMum Sat 18-Mar-17 22:04:24

This sounds like something my DH would do, and the thing that would annoy me would be that he set out to do something, but had to involve you. So essentially you don't get to choose how to spend your time because he's started a job that needs your input, and it can't wait. So you've been given an immediate job to do whether you like it or not.

Also recognise the deep cleaning before maintenance cleaning. Are we married to the same man?!

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 18-Mar-17 22:10:36

You two need to stop messing about procrastinating on MN and get to cleaning your living room and your bedroom. I've heard they are bomb sites. wink

NoWinNoFfi Sat 18-Mar-17 22:13:26


TheNaze73 Sat 18-Mar-17 22:32:25


LottieDoubtie Sat 18-Mar-17 22:48:11

Yanbu- he disturbed your lie in with no prior warning to get you to tidy up to his schedule?

blackteasplease Sat 18-Mar-17 22:59:03

He was BU in every respect.

It's exactly the sort of thing my stbxh would do - disturbing my lie in, deciding a particular job needed to be done NOW, doing deep cleaning/ de cluttering when there is maintenance cleaning to be done, never doing the maintenance cleaning, putting all my stuff in the bin pile, suggesting he will bin them if I don't look through it NOW - every single bit of this story.

This is a big reason why he is an stbex.

It's all controlling, and suggests he thinks he's in charge of you.

Hollybobble123 Sun 19-Mar-17 20:38:13


Hollybobble123 Sun 19-Mar-17 20:38:38


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