In thinking eating disorder or(16 Posts)
Am I jumping the gun?
My neice was dropped off this morning around 11ish too spend the weekend with me.
So as not too drip feed
- final year at primary school
- a few months back was bullied due to weight gain
- growth spurt happened so lost the primary school "podge"
I asked her if she has had breakfast, she said yeah. I then took her into town for a bit of shopping and then went into a cafe. Asked her if she fancied anything she said she wasn't hungry - fair enough. Every time I ate a bite of my sandwich she was watching me raise it too my mouth, and watched me place it down.
Got home she goes for a shower and to get into her pyjamas. Started preparing a cottage pie for tea.
About an hour go we sit down for tea, she's just pushing it around her plate. I asked if everything was ok, she tells me there is too many peas in it so it's knocked her appetite.
Now this is really strange for my neice too not eat a single thing all day. I phoned my sister and asked did she eat at her house, apparently she didn't because she said she would eat at my house. Which she hasn't. I asked my sister what her eating is like at home. My sister said she isn't eating as much as normal and is just picking at her food but she thinks it's due too DN going through puberty etc.
Now this is totally plausible. And I get we have are off days with eating but I'm a bit concerned. DN revealed too me how much the bullying had got her down and majority of the comments were directed at her weight. I watched my neice go from a care free 11 year old to being sad and a shadow of her former self. I basically started helping her rebuild her confidence and explained how sometimes children can be mean and don't realise their words can have impact.
I am not saying I know my neice better than her own mother and maybe I am adding 2 + 2 and getting 5 but i don't know whether I should broach this with the neice? Or just keep an eye on her?
If I was to discuss this wth DN how would I do it? I wouldn't want to come out and accuse her of something, when it could be something innocent.
If you both are close enough to speak a out these things which i assume you are if shes spending weekends with you, i would be straight out with it and ask her if she thinks she has an eating disorder because of previous bullying and stuff. My sister was bulimic for years before we knew about it. I believe she still is but thats another story. Anyway youd be suprised how honest she might be and may need someone to confide in besides her mam. Best of luck.
I was just wary of coming straight out with it in case it is and she starts being more secretive if she thinks I am onto her. But you make a valid point. She is very close too me, she confided in me a bit more about the bullying then her mum.
Does sound very suspicious to me, especially your comment that "she's a shadow of her former self". I was anorexic for about 10 years, and it took some time for my family to realise (I had been very overweight to start with).
Have a talk with her, say what you've noticed and that you're concerned, and that you're here to help. Really work on building her confidence, but also bear in mind there's nearly always other issues if someone has an eating disorder. Does she get on well with her mum?
designed I wouldn't know how to respond if she confirmed an eating disorder because I know it's much more complex than " oh just start eating properly "
She gets on with her mum, but she is one 5 her being the eldest so sometimes my sister doesn't always pick up straight away when something is wrong. Or if she does she just says leave her too it Shes actjng up ( which kids do )
And her mum escaped an abusive relationship last year.
It's since the bullying happened that she has become unusual with the eating habits from what I have noticed. She didn't eat yesterday at all with me and us up now doesn't want breakfast as she isn't hungry.
Yes she has a problem, she needs to go to the Gp ASAP. They can help her especially as she is so young.
Definitely express your concern to your sister ASAP. Anorexia can escalate really quickly and eleven is not too young. Some GPS are breathtakingly useless still. My friend recently took her own dd and the young, skinny, female gp patted the did and said that her own mum was always nagging her to eat more as well.
In our area you can self refer for help. In case your sister wants advice, my friend got hold of the eating disorders specialist nurse at GOSH and had some fab advice.
Hi Kung Fu, yes it is complicated, but at 11 the 'its important to eat properly bit' is actually the most pressing, as it will reverse a lot of the disordered thinking, if she is restricting her eating. Get her Mum to have a conversation with her, and to get the school nurse to see her, explaining the background. And then Mum and Dad need to insist on regular meals and snacks, supportively but non-negotiably. And reduce exercise until she is eating enough. Don't fall into the trap of inadvertently colluding with the eating disorder by being too understanding, rather than standing up to it, which is what she needs you to do. I think you are right, from the sounds of it, but usually its just a blip - act on it, so it doesn't turn into a long term thing. You won't make it worse.
That's good advice safe I was going too actually show her foods that are healthy and easy too make so she will eat, but from the sounds of what you've said that would just be me aiding her. I have too spoke to my sister again this morning and she's just dismissing it as she's acting up. I obviously don't want to step on my sisters toes but don't want too see my neice going through this alone if it is an eating disorder.
I think Safe has some good advice. If it is an eating disorder it needs tackling head on not pussyfooting about. But also wouldn't want to get too tough personally (e.g. You're not leaving the table till you've eaten) as that can be counterproductive. It might be a blip, but even so it's good to set healthy ideas about food and weight, and how bullies are idiots who should be ignored.
Is she with you the rest of the day today? See how she is and take it from there. She might not really know what an eating disorder is.
She's with me til about 6ish tonight. Had her since 11am yesterday and not a crumb has touched her lips. Which is out of character for my neice.
I know I am going too have to say something but not quite sure how to word it or how to start the conversation.
It could be an eating disorder but, I think she needs a trip to the GP because she might still in fact be overweight, but family can often be unable to spot it.
Then if she is, her family can help her to lose it sensibly and healthily.
Sometimes young people take weight loss into their own hands, because well meaning family members keep telling them they're perfect the way they are, or that they'll get another growth spurt. So they don't always get the help they need, to shed a few pounds.
If the GP says she's not overweight, again her family can take and deal with that problem from there.
This does sound very concerning, I think you're right to worry. You said she's had a growth spurt, is she suddenly taller or more developed that other girls around her? Part of eating disorders can be about trying to control a body that feels out of control, which sometimes is why puberty can be the time it kicks in.
I would say to her that you've noticed she hasn't eaten anything all weekend, and you're concerned. Has she been trying to eat less recently? Is there anything she's worried about that she would like to talk about? Don't ask leading questions, and don't let her brush it off. It's a long time for someone not to eat (unless unwell)
This may not be the same, as my DD is 8 and has mild ASD so obsesses about things. Last year the class bully told her she was fat (she's absolutely not fat). This came at the same time she had a sore throat and heard about me needing the Heimlich Maneuver once when I choked. She stopped eating. Completely. Wouldn't even swallow her own spit. She was hours away from being in hospital on a drip. She refused to eat for three months, and drank very little. She dropped two clothing sizes in three months. Countless trips to the GP, and SS involvement later (long story to do with her dad), I eventually forced her to look at photos of people with anorexia. It really shocked her, I mean really really shocked her. Slowly she started eating again. She's now almost back to where she was - she still doesn't eat nearly as much as before, but usually finishes at least half her meal.
I'm not saying this approach would work for everyone, as it could back fire and them think the women with anorexia look good, but it's worth a try perhaps?
worra she's not over weight and I'm not just saying that because I am her auntie. When she put on the weight she was slightly over weight then but she's lost that and a bit more.
paper it was a growth spurt but she's also has started her periods and its growing breasts now. I don't think she's an early developer in the class from what DN has said.
I'm going too make favourite thing for dinner now if she doesn't attempt it I will have to sit and talk too her.
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