To not address my body dismorphia?

[Overweightbutfeelinggreat]

Okay so -
I'm 5ft 4 and my BMI is 30, waist size 30" and I wear a size 12/14 on top and a 14/16 on bottom. This is obese.
During teen years I struggled with binge eating, starving myself and bulimia but for the last 7 years have not had any of these issues.
I can see there is a clear difference between the size of me and my size 8 friends when I look at a photo but in my head, when I look in the mirror I can barely see the difference.
In shops I buy clothes without trying them on and am then surprised when they don't fit me when I get home.
I love food. I make huge effort with dinners and enjoy eating out.
My DP is a very lean, tall person as are our children.
Earlier this morning I was eating eggs benedict and he questioned my portion and said 'I don't think you need quite that much' which lead us onto a conversation where he completely doesn't understand that I am comfortable with my weight gain and actually doesn't understand that I don't particularly have a desire to change it (he's very active)
Should I be addressing my size? Or my view of myself?

[MrsDustyBusty]

Nope. If your health is good and you feel good about yourself, you shouldn't feel pressure to be different, particularly when you've a history of disordered eating.

[Areyoufree]

For me, if someone with a history of eating disorders to say that they now love food - that's a really big deal. If you're healthy and happy then that's fantastic. Just be careful with posting things like this on the web - people aren't always kind, and it would be horrendous to have something trigger something negative in you. Feeling great about your body is something most women want to achieve, personally i wouldn't want to mess with that!

[Dozer]

Perhaps overeating has now become a food issue?

[sparechange]

I kind of get where you are coming from

I am no less happy in myself at my biggest size (12-14) than I was at 8-10, and I too don't realise how fat I am until I see myself in pics. But you are kidding yourself if you think long term obesity won't give you health issues.

Ycan love food and still show some discipline with portion sizes.
Do a fortnight of weighing out your portions to give yourself an idea of what you should be eating
It will reprogramme your mindset and stomach into cooking normal portions, and you can still eat the sort of things you like

[Whisky2014]

If day YABU because if you are obese it us likely you will need NHS treatment directly related to this issue. Id day his comment would alert me to the fact he may not find you attractive or greedy which is not an attractive trait.
Of course your body is your own temple so if you are happy, crack on. But it could impact in other areas of your life, is that what you want?

[WorraLiberty]

It depends on whether you really are happy to be obese, or whether you're just convincing yourself because it's easier than dealing with it, if that makes sense?

Perhaps he's worried about you because whilst you might be fine/healthy now, obesity often catches up and can have nasty irreversible side effects.

But ultimately it's up to you as it's your body.

[Whisky2014]

areyoufree well it seems like she still has an eating disorder, just the opposite of what she had previously. Neither are good...

[Overweightbutfeelinggreat]

I also had another baby 4 months ago and breastfeeding so currently at the moment not looking quite like I used too.

Whisky I don't think he finds me unattractive tbh. I think it probably is more to do with health and he doesn't believe I'm happy with my weight as i did used to be smaller (he is also on high alert because of my previous history with eating) so just as much as he pointed out my portion size, if there are days he's noticed I haven't eaten enough he will also point this out.

[Whisky2014]

Ok, well i can only say that i think in the long run its not going to be good for you. Like yeh, you shouldnt compare yourself to mates. People are just all different sizes. But to be obese, well, it will have implications. I agree with a pp that you can still enjoy all the food you usually eat just try a smaller portion

[MrsDustyBusty]

Where did the OP ask for weight loss tips?

[Klaphat]

Advising a person who has a history of disordered eating to start weighing her food is pretty stupid. She is likely very aware that the option exists and may be avoiding it so as not to trigger a load of disordered behaviour.

[Whisky2014]

Why are people only focussing on eating too little as a disorder? Perplexing!

[PacificDogwod]

You do not have body dysmorphia - you like your shape and size

You might have a disordered relationship to food and whenever the time is right for you that might be worthwhile addressing. That time has never been for me when I was a few months after having a baby and still BFing...

Fwiw there is more and more evidence that carrying extra weight doesn't just cause the problems we've known about for a long time (strain on joints and heart/lungs) but also increase certain cancer risks (breast Ca being one) as adipose tissue is hormonally active. So, addressing your weight in the long run has advantages in terms of risk reduction.

[ScrambledSmegs]

I'm glad that you have no food hangups now, that's a great thing so well done!

However I can see what he meant, although he may not have phrased it very well. I've put on weight since having children. I'm 5ft 5 and moderately active, DH is well over 6ft and very active.

My problem is portion control - DH eats huge amounts and we had a tendency to put the same amounts on our plates. There's no way I need to eat as much as he does and I've started reducing my meals to 2/3 the size of his or thereabouts.

[ArriettyClock1]

Should I be addressing my size?

You are probably aware that a BMI of 30 makes you obese and that puts you at risk of serious problems. So, from a health perspective, yes, you should be addressing your size.

[Nomoreworkathome]

You are are increased risk of diabetes as well as other health issues. Even a small amount of gain around your abdomen, as an example, can significantly increase your risk of serious health issues. Perhaps he is thinking about that as opposed to the shape of your body.

[memyselfandaye]

You had a baby just before Christmas? Ignoring the mahoosive drip feed, you say you are a size 12/14 on top and 14/16 on the bottom, having a baby a matter of weeks ago and being your size would'nt concern me.

[ILikeBeansWithKetchup]

Are you sure you are being accurate with your BMI? I am 5 ft 4 with a size 14 top ( I do like clothes loose mind) and a 12 - 14 dress size on the whole (14 in trousers). My waist is about 30 inches and my BMI comes in at 25 on a bad day. So, in all other ways I sound like you. I worked out that to have a BMI of 30 you would weigh nearly 11 1/2 stone.

Are you sure overestimating your size isn't an issue here, despite what you say?

[ILikeBeansWithKetchup]

In fact, just to correct myself , I meant to say 12 1/2 stone! That does indeed sound rather a lot for a short woman (ignoring the baby weight issue for the meantime)... but doesn't sound like a size 14!

[ILikeBeansWithKetchup]

I can see there is a clear difference between the size of me and my size 8 friends when I look at a photo but in my head, when I look in the mirror I can barely see the difference.
In shops I buy clothes without trying them on and am then surprised when they don't fit me when I get home.

Surely, these are the clues, economy ?

[Greenglassteacup]

You do not have body dysmorphia from your description

[Overweightbutfeelinggreat]

ilikebeans I was 11 and a half stone before I fell pregnant with this baby. I weighed myself at the swimming baths 6 weeks ago and I was 12 stone 6lbs which I believe placed me at 29.9.
I probably have dropped weight since then as maybe some of that was baby weight but I haven't checked since and I doubt it's been anything drastic!

[lljkk]

Why don't you try on clothes in shops to get the right size the first time? Waste of time and money to do that, unless you like repeat shop visits. Shopping is not my favourite thing with an ickle baby.