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Bullying co-worker - please help

(6 Posts)
LittleMermaidRose Sat 18-Mar-17 13:25:57

This is about a female co-worker "friend" who I've known for nearly 10 years. She can be a nice, funny person but underneath it all she is a bully. I've met up with her in the past outside of work occasionally (lunch, walks, couple nights out) but it's been mostly a work "friendship".

I do not want to be friends with her any more. Over the past year or so she has become manipulative, selfish, mean & obsessive. She only ever talks about herself & her problems, never asks how me or my family are, she never even text me to see how I was when a close family member died - but she expects me to travel 40 mins to her house at the drop of a hat because she's had a fall out with her boyfriend.

She has fallen out with 2 of her closest friends in the last year, which is why I think she's started to cling to me. She only asks me to hang out when she's stuck in the house on a Saturday night & can't get a babysitter, when I ask if we can do something during the week instead (because she always asks last minute when I already have plans) she is not interested.

I'm off work this week visiting family (she knows this) & I've already had a message asking why I'm not responding to her emails (I've not had internet), yesterday she texts DH telling him to get me to call her!!

She's even turned up at my house before unanounced & uninvited!

She told me today she's going on a night out in a few weeks - would I like to come. I said no thanks, it's not really my thing - and I've received a load of abuse for not wanting to go.

At work she will be really moody and hardly talk to me if I don't do what she wants. We work next to each other - I can't block her on Facebook or her phone number because it will cause tension at work - I really don't want that because to be honest I just don't think that's fair on me.

What can I do/say? She will not take no for an answer. It's an awkward situation.

MissGoggins Sat 18-Mar-17 13:31:44

I would explicitly tell her why you are backing off. She sounds horrible and clueless that the word is not her playground.

TheWitTank Sat 18-Mar-17 13:46:56

I had to give myself a stern talking to when I was in a similar situation with a "friend". It finally dawned on me that I was an adult and I absolutely did not have to put up with being treated like crap by anybody, or being bullied into attending events etc that I didn't want to. The satisfaction when I said my first 'no, I don't want to go, thanks' and stood my ground through the whining and PA comments/FB posts was amazing. Basically, you need to strap on a pair and do what you want. I haven't fallen out with the "friend" in question, but now I never put myself out for her or go beyond polite chit chat. Funnily enough, she now seems more respectful towards me. It is hard, but take a step back. If she strops at work that's her issue, not yours. Keep on chatting politely as normal and if she wants to be stupid about things then fine. Good luck!

LittleMermaidRose Sat 18-Mar-17 15:50:00

I did tell her "no" a few weeks ago, which didn't seem to register with her at all as she kept asking me if I was still going to go out, even though I told her I already had plans. I had to tell her 4 times in total and ignore her texts.

I'm only her friend when she has nobody else. I think she just wants to control me.

mrsfuckedoff Sat 18-Mar-17 15:51:19

Tell her to fuck off to the far side of fuck!

deloresclaiborne Sat 18-Mar-17 16:51:57

blimy do we work with the same person
just keep saying no when ever she suggests meeting up outside work dont give a reason you dont have to justify yourself to her just keep saying no im busy
she might have a tamtrum but she will get the message
one question though
why as she got your dhs mobile number

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